Relieved

Hi this my first time ever hearing about this app n i downloaded it because lately my ocd been really bad and I feel I can’t have control over it it scares me because I sometimes hurt people around me when I don’t mean to for example my bf everytime something goes well my head just starts spinning in circles with bad thoughts n wanting to ruin stuff with him lowkey I messed up big times bc I let this time my thoughts win me over n took everything off on him without thinking n realizing how bad I had affected him it kills me because everytime I think im jus a weak person bc I always let everything get to me I’m jus so scared because now my head jus tells me your not good enough your gonna lose him this literally jus happens when something positive comes in my head or something good happens always jus wanna ruin it I hate it because I always believe my thoughts instead of him not because I don’t want to but because also of my past n trauma jus fucks it even more from the deep of my heart i believe him but my head reacts differently n lets it out n now am in the situation of knowing I can lose him any minute now even tho am putting my faith in god n trying my hardest to think positive n be better everyday I’m really trying but w ocd it’s so hard n jus get scared n let my thoughts get to me😞 idk what to do anymore

If I ever experience myself happy in life, my relationship, or friendships, OCD just finds a way to ruin it for me. As soon as life’s going good, it pops up into my head with all these intrusive thoughts that make it impossible to just relax and enjoy myself. My relationship has been improving, along with my mental health, and I have been feeling so in love and present with my partner. Everytime that happens OCD pops back up, with all these thoughts in my head like “What if I don’t really love my partner” “What if I’m not actually attracted to him” then it spirals to “What if I’m gay” “What if I don’t even like men” and it keeps going and going. Now, I can’t even hang around women friends without OCD popping up and saying “What if I’m attracted to them” “You have a crush on them”. I have always identified as straight, and I have always been boy obsessed growing up. I don’t want to be gay and lose everything I have with my boyfriend. That’s a huge fear that OCD is putting into my head. That I’m gay and I don’t actually love my partner and am attracted to him. I’m so upset. I just want to be happy in my relationship and at peace. And I want to be able to make female friends without OCD ruining it for me. :/ It’s like if I’m really stressed, my OCD gets really bad. And if I’m happy my OCD gets really bad. Unfortunately NOCD doesn’t accept my insurance, but I am meeting with a therapist I found on Rula who treats OCD, so I’m hoping that helps. I am also considering meds, because I can’t keep living like this. It’s been 25 years.

Hi, I’m new to the app as of today. I’m 20 years old, and wanted to get some stuff off my chest about the types of OCD I’ve been experiencing over the years. I’m not entirely sure how or when my OCD was brought up, but I’ve been a perfectionist for as long as I can remember. Anywhere and everywhere I go, if I see things placed in an order/angle that my brain doesn’t approve of, next thing I know I’m “fixing” it to be in the placement I feel looks better. I’m not aware of why I feel the need to do that, but until an object is in the “right” placement, I won’t take my eyes off of it. My eye will even twitch. Another form of OCD I have is in relationships. I spend each day overthinking and over-analyzing every one of the relationships that are important to me. Friends, family, significant other. Another one is what’s considered “Pure OCD” . When I get an intrusive thought of something devilish, whether it’s randomly seeing my great aunt naked bc my grandma considers her “fat” even though she’s not, or it’s seeing something demonic and traumatizing, I immediately tell myself, “I don’t wanna see/think about that” over and over and over until the thought is gone. Or I’ll try to replace one mental image with another. One other form of OCD I face every day, is religion. I got baptized for the first time in my life earlier this year in January. I had finally started to repent for my sins, and now I’m constantly feeling afraid that I’m letting God down due to my depression/lack of motivation and vaping/smoking. I also fear excessively that He’ll banish me from His kingdom, or just turn a cold shoulder. I know that what I’ve just typed up is probably all over the place. That is my brain unfortunately. How do you go from being a mentally disorderly and seemingly erratic young woman, to a more well-established, successful woman? I’m all ears!