Real mania or intrusive thoughts??

I’ve not found much answers yet on a concrete diagnosis or treatment plan from any doctor but I wanted to share an experience that happened to me and see if anyone can relate to it or understand it. I have an overall fear of being misdiagnosed and mistreated, and im a nurse who knows way more about diagnoses and meds than for my own good. I got set up with a psychiatrist for the first time recently and was super nervous to say the right answers to her so she could get the right treatment and give me the right medication. I have bipolar disorder in my family and that’s always been a fear in the back of my mind that i have that. Along with that, I’ve been exposed to a lot of suicide in my life so I feel like when I’m struggling mentally that if I don’t talk to someone im not going to get help and bad things will happen. At the end of the day, at my intake appointment my psychiatrist told me that Zoloft could trigger mania if I did happen to be bipolar, so we would start on a low dose and see what happened. I only took 3 doses (half tablets 17mg) and on the third day I felt this increase in energy and felt this urge to jump from the top floor of my gym to give the people below a hug. This lead me to so much panic thinking that I had induced bipolar mania that I had non stop panic attacks and reached out to so many people on my phone trying to get reassurance that I was safe. It lead me down a spiral of negative thinking that lead me in and out of the ER and PHP for assessments trying to get someone to tell me whether or not I was bipolar. This is a long story lol but at the end of the day now as I’m reflecting back , I was thinking that maybe this was ocd/intrusive thoughts rather than real symptoms of “mania” ?? V Like is there really any way that 3 half tablets of an SSRI has the power to do this???? I think I get so stuck on diagnoses and force my symptoms to fit them and I fully believe them and am scared by them. I didn’t know if anyone else has intrusive thoughts that relate to this story where you’re so convinced they’re real.

hellopeople

User type: NOCD Alumni

Date posted: 2y

Hi! I’m so sorry this is happening to you. Trying a new medication is something new and new things can bring anxiety. Medications effect everyone differently. I think you’re extremely self aware by your last paragraph! That sounds just like OCD to try to gather evidence against you to make your worst fear true. ERP teaches us how to make these thoughts lose their power, by using a mantra called “maybe, maybe not” Like if my fear is that I might be bipolar, I could respond, yes maybe, maybe I’m not, I’m going to keep living my life and not worry about it” This helps to try to break the OCD cycle and the brain that wants to scan ceaselessly for evidence for our fears!

hannahj99

Date posted: 2y

@hellopeople This is amazing. I downloaded the NOCD app and been really trying to embrace the diagnosis over and this is very helpful. Thank you ❤️

hellopeople

User type: NOCD Alumni

Date posted: 2y

@hannahj99 I’m so glad you are finding the app helpful! There is a great community of people that are going through similar struggles here!

Amber R

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

Hi Hannah, I’m sorry you’re struggling right now. I know how you feel, craving an accurate diagnosis and fearing being given then wrong one. OCD shows up like that too, sometimes making those who suffer from think “what if I don’t have OCD at all?!”. OCD is also a mastermind of manipulation; we fear the intrusive thoughts/feelings/images/urges because they feel so real. However, the more we search for an answer and try to figure things out, the deeper we get stuck in OCD’s cycle, kinda like quicksand. I’m not a medical doctor, so I’m not sure how long it would take half tablets of Zoloft to trigger mania. But I do know it usually takes a full month of taking the medication to feel the difference it makes. So maybe consult with your doctor about your concerns and see how you feel. But any new medication is going to feel a little different when you start taking it. As for therapy; have you considered seeing an OCD therapist? Not to necessarily achieve a diagnosis (again, searching for certain is a compulsion) but maybe to see if the therapy they would provide could help you? I definitely recommend giving NOCD a call for their free consultation. You can talk to them about what’s going on and they will let you know if therapy here would be a good fit for you!

hannahj99

Date posted: 2y

@Amber R Thank you so much! I had a phone consult this afternoon actually and talked about NOCD therapy. :) I appreciate your guys help so much

Ahsjdiviwajd...

Date posted: 2y

@Amber R I know this was an entirely long time ago, but I just wanted to say I’m struggling of this right now, and the craziest part of all is that I have had a spect brain scan done at the amen clinics which costed me 5k but was well worth it, and I was able to see my brain on photos that I had ADD and OCD and yet I will still ruminate that I have it because my dad had it and took his life when I was little. Ocd is wild I have literal proof and still worry smh.

Lena1998

Date posted: 25w

Harm OCD made worse by psychiatrist visit

I went to talk to a psychiatrist based off my Nocd therapists recommendation. I had a very hard week beforehand where I had anxiety so bad I couldn't leave my bed. It seems like once I get my period my anxiety and everything dissipated some so I talked to the psychiatrist. Anyways, I was immediately put off by her because she told me she didn't have any information on me included in the referral for one reason or another. So I had to basically "fill her in" on my life story. I have anxiety disorder, panic disorder, OCD and PTSD. I told her these things and how hard the last week had been. She started asking questions like I had bipolar disorder, which I don't have. She then wanted me to take buspar and Zoloft TOGETHER daily. I know for a fact you never start two medications daily at once. You don't know which one is causing symptoms if you do. So I immediately didn't like that. I asked her about Zoloft specifically daily because it is an SSRI what I should do if it gave me thoughts of harm for myself. She told me "just go to the hospital".... Now, I don't wanna say that was the worst possible thing she could have said to me, but it was. Because now my OCD is spiraling that just my general harm OCD thoughts are enough to mean I need to go to the hospital. It had been 2 days and I cannot stop obsessing that maybe I'm depressed or suicidal because of this. I know I don't want anything to happen to me. I love my family and my friends. I am scared of death. But the thought is sticky and it's been so, so frustrating. My anxiety has been so frustrating. I feel so lost and like nothing I'm trying to fix my issues is working very well. NOCD therapy has been one of the only things to help in the long term, but I still get terrified of certain obsessions like suicide. I don't really know what to do, if anyone has any advice or any personal experience that may help, anything would be nice right now. I've felt so lost trying to figure it all out.

Aldxma.steph

Date posted: 25w

Hello everyone I need some advice

I don’t have an official OCD diagnosis, but I will be asking my doctor tomorrow if I can get referred to a psychiatrist to get an official diagnosis. The way I came to the conclusion that what I’m dealing with is OCD is because a month ago I just started having the most horrible disturbing intrusive thoughts that go against all my values and beliefs and attacking the stuff/people I care about the most. Mind you, I have never had anything like this happen in my life. I feel that I have always been someone with a peaceful mind and one of the worst intrusive thoughts I can ever remember having before this happened, was “what happens if I cut my finger right now” while I was cutting fruit. That’s pretty much it. After this whole horrible intrusive thought spiral started happening I was so scared because I have never had such awful intrusive thoughts like this that were the complete opposite of me, it just quite literally started out of NOWHERE, and that’s what was so scary and terrifying. It was like my whole life got turned upside down because of this and I’ve been mainly isolating in my room, feeling so much anxiety and dread and guilt/shame. I get four of the same thoughts and one intrusive image repeating over and over again even if I would not try to think about them, and it caused me so much distress and anxiety that I would be so anxious and cry everyday just thinking how I could ever possibly think such horrible intrusive thoughts like that. It’s caused me insomnia which I’ve never dealt with before and I went three days in a row without being able to sleep no matter how hard I tried (even while taking melatonin). Other days I struggle so much to fall asleep due to the intrusive thoughts being much more present at nighttime, and even when taking melatonin that doesn’t do anything because of my mind being so active and having so much anxiety. Is this what they call an OCD flare up? After constantly looking up all the symptoms of ocd (the more and lesser known ones alike), I noticed there were some symptoms of it that I displayed in childhood when the ocd could’ve been more dormant or mild you could say (skin picking), because once again I have never had such horrible intrusive thoughts like this out of nowhere and constantly repeating in my mind that felt like they were out of my control. I noticed that these intrusive thoughts started on the second day of my menstruation when I was in a lot of pain and was feeling very emotional/stressed. One of the things I’ve heard a lot is that during the menstruation cycle is when ocd flares can happen more often due to the increase in hormones during that time, and I wonder if that’s what happened to me? I’m also overall such a big over thinker and have been for as long as I can remember. I also have had anxiety and depression since middle school as well. Any insight would be very much appreciated 😭

Aldxma.steph

Date posted: 24w

Hello everyone I need some advice/insight please

I don’t have an official OCD diagnosis, but I will be asking my doctor tomorrow if I can get referred to a psychiatrist to get an official diagnosis. The way I came to the conclusion that what I’m dealing with is OCD is because a month and a half ago I just started having the most horrible disturbing intrusive thoughts that go against all my values and beliefs and attacking the stuff/people I care about the most out of absolutely NOWHERE. Mind you, I have never had anything like this happen in my life. I feel that I have always been someone with a peaceful mind and one of the worst intrusive thoughts I can ever remember having before this happened, was “what happens if I cut my finger right now” while I was cutting fruit. That’s pretty much it. After this whole horrible intrusive thought spiral started happening I was so scared because I have never had such awful intrusive thoughts like this that were the complete opposite of me, it just quite literally started out of NOWHERE, and that’s what was so scary and terrifying. It was like my whole life got turned upside down because of this and I’ve been mainly isolating in my room, feeling so much anxiety and dread and guilt/shame. I get four of the same thoughts and one intrusive image repeating over and over again even if I would not try to think about them, and it caused me so much distress and anxiety that I would be so anxious and cry everyday just thinking how I could ever possibly think such horrible intrusive thoughts like that. It’s caused me insomnia which I’ve never dealt with before and I went three days in a row without being able to sleep no matter how hard I tried (even while taking melatonin). Other days I struggle so much to fall asleep due to the intrusive thoughts being much more present at nighttime, and even when taking melatonin that doesn’t do anything because of my mind being so active and having so much anxiety. Is this what they call an OCD flare up? After constantly looking up all the symptoms of ocd (the more and lesser known ones alike), I noticed there were some symptoms of it that I displayed in childhood when the ocd could’ve been more dormant or mild you could say (skin picking), because once again I have never had such horrible intrusive thoughts like this out of nowhere and constantly repeating in my mind that felt like they were out of my control. I noticed that these intrusive thoughts started on the second day of my menstruation when I was in a lot of pain and was feeling very emotional/stressed. One of the things I’ve heard a lot is that during the menstruation cycle is when ocd flares can happen more often due to the increase in hormones during that time, and I wonder if that’s what happened to me? I’m also overall such a big over thinker and have been for as long as I can remember. I also have had anxiety and depression since middle school as well. Any insight would be very much appreciated 😭

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