Really Struggling Today

My girlfriend and I spent the weekend together. We’ve been together about 1.5 years and have been long distance for the entire relationship. I’ve been diagnosed with OCD and the ROCD developed about 4 months in. I should note this is the healthiest, safest, and on paper, best relationship I’ve been in. This weekend, she shared with me that she just feels really distant and I haven’t been giving her what she needs — and honestly, I fully agree. Most times I’m hesitant to initiate anything since I’m so wrapped up in my own head and questioning everything. The problem is, now that she’s said that and I’ve been feeling that, in my mind that just confirms we shouldn’t be together. And now I just feel absolutely terrible.. I potentially will have an opportunity to move to her city for a job and I’m just questioning everything. I’m not happy but I’m not sure if it’s due to the ROCD or the relationship itself. Anyone else?? Help! Also, I’m on 100mg Zoloft coupled with Gabapentin and just not sure if it’s helping.

Relationship OCD

giadelune

Date posted: 2y

i totally understand, i constantly feel like a bad person because i feel like my mind just confirms or proves that something my bf did is wrong and that we need to break up even though im not sure if thats necessary. idk if that makes sense but yeah

lilbill

Date posted: 2y

I don’t think a relationship such as how you described, would really make you unhappy. I’ve noticed that my intrusive thoughts try to tell me i’m not happy in my relationship but there’s no big problems in my relationship. i’m trying to do things outside of my relationship to help me be happy so that my intrusive thoughts don’t try to tell me i’m not happy due to my partner if that makes sense

JSC12

Date posted: 2y

@lilyn Yes, it makes sense! Thank you for your response. She really is a great partner and we have no big issues as well. Again, very healthy. Yet sometimes I don’t feel the spark or connection and there’s the distance/disconnection and that’s what really eats at me. I think about it constantly —24/7. Which is where the depression has come from I think

hellopeople

User type: NOCD Alumni

Date posted: 2y

Hi there! I think it’s great she shared her concern and you agree with it. This is where OCD attacks, saying we have to throw the whole relationship away if it’s not perfect, but that’s a lie! Things can be fixed by daily working on ourselves and our relationships:)

JSC12

Date posted: 2y

@hellopeople Thanks for your response! I’m so glad she shared how she’s feeling — she voiced it because she wants to work on it. And as much as I agree with her that I’ve been distant, I have such a hard time “doing” anything about it. I have such a hard time initiating things and showing her how I feel because how I feel is so scary and hurtful

hellopeople

User type: NOCD Alumni

Date posted: 2y

@JSC12 I totally understand this, because initiating means being vulnerable! This takes ERP practice. Doing something positive that is initiating growth in the relationship, then sitting with the intense discomfort it brings you until it goes down and not trying to figure out what it means.

JSC12

Date posted: 2y

@hellopeople Absolutely! And I know I owe it to the both of us to try and see what it brings. I’m just so scared that I’m in the wrong relationship — that I’ve lost attraction and I can’t put forth the effort because I’m faking it

hellopeople

User type: NOCD Alumni

Date posted: 2y

@JSC12 I’ve totally been through this! OCD also loves to focus on the future or past and not let you enjoy the present. Saying “maybe it’s the wrong relationship, maybe it’s the right one, I’m going to sit with not knowing” and let the anxiety go down. OCD wants to convince you that you need to make a decision right then and there, when you feel like that, you know it’s OCD and can sit with the feeling.

rjahastings

Date posted: 23w

ROCD - anxiety

I’m having what I think is my first ROCD full episode. I’ve had doubting thoughts the entirety of my relationship. But in the last couple of days have been overwhelmed with and debilitated by anxiety and the feeling that I need to break up with my boyfriend. I don’t know if I have OCD officially but talking to therapists it seems that it is likely and I’m going to an OCD specialist next week to talk through my feelings but I feel completely helpless and hopeless at the moment and riddled with anxiety. I’m in a long distance relationship. I seem to have a waves throughout the day when I want to communicate with my boyfriend and tell him I love him etc. but the other 80% of my day is filled with anxiety and dread that I’m going to have to break up with him. I just want the anxiety to go away and to know if my thoughts are real thoughts or OCD thoughts. My biggest fear is that this isn’t an OCD episode and I do need to break up with him. I’m seeing him this weekend and I’m filled with dread about feeling disconnected and anxious and not in love.

Anonymous558

Date posted: 18w

Struggling relationship and ROCD (help)

me and my girlfriend since we started dating we be only had one problem, and that is my fear of everything of losing her of her cheating, and it’s all caused by OCD. my texts are massive and i get worried i know i love her and she makes me calm i know i love her. we had a conversation yesterday and basically she said that she feels suffocated with my texts and my fears. she went on trip were she doesn’t have her phone. and yesterday i spent the entire day crying about her. my head is filled with intrusive thoughts. and last night i got so stressed that it seemed like the love went away or i couldn’t remember the love, but it’s impossible because i was crying about her yesterday. this struggle my relationship is having is making me so stressed. pls give me advice

Missygirl-1

Date posted: 15w

Anyone relate?

Really need input. I have been suffering with doubts and thoughts since November. I saw a therapist who diagnosed me with OCD and have been in OCD medication for a couple months now. The meds have helped drastically with the frequency and urgency of my thoughts. But over the last week or so they have increased again. I did just get laid off from my job so I’m not sure if the stress from that has anything to do with it. But I’m at the point of questioning whether it really even is ROCD or if I’ve just been using it as an excuse to not see red flags. For example, my doubts are mainly around his contribution to chores, our quality time and romance, and how much of the load he will carry in the future once kids and things come into the picture. He is a hard worker who works long hours. He does also have ADHD which I think could be important to know here. But he will often say he is going to do little things like “Wednesday we will play a game together that night” and then they day comes and he ends up being too tired to play or just wants to watch our show together instead. And then if he doesn’t do a chore on the exact day he’s supposed to I start thinking he doesn’t care or doesn’t keep his word. I feel like I’m constantly asking for dates or romance or him to say sweet things. And I know sometimes he does. But at this point I can’t tell if it’s genuine unmet needs or if ROCD is making me not see the positive things he does or if ROCD is making me think I need more of these things because of unrealistic expectations or comparisons to social media. I think I know deep down I love him and want to be with him but then I start to think that I’m being treated wrong or that I’m settling. Please help.

Relationship OCD

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

Really Struggling Today

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community