dee012

Date posted: 2y

random ocd false memory

was having a good time with my cat, i love her so much, then got a “memory” that i touched her inappropriately…. then it went from that to me having her touch me inappropriately. i started freaking out and told my bf about it and started to confess that the only thing i did was have time to myself while she was in the room and he stopped me because he knows confessing is a compulsion and i started crying and i feel so defeated i love my cat so much i never thought about this what if or false memory before and it feels so real :(( I want to just sleep forever

False Memory OCD

Gabe123

Date posted: 2y

If you see this, I have this and it is so bad it was uncontrollable and still. I am working with my therapist and it seems impossible to stop it. It requires to anything else and you feel as if you did it. You actually remember it. I think it twists it. It is a memory but you are perceiving it through ocd. That is easier said then done to just think that way. What I am doing for therapy is the maybe maybe not and look at it through a dash cam perspective. If you remember some of it and not all then your brain was half off not needing to remember this. This didn’t truly work for me because I felt like I was there presently doing the thing on purpose. Which you have to think maybe I did maybe I didn’t. If you are 100 percent certain you did that then think I should I learn from this I wouldn’t do this now. If it’s more then five minutes in the past then don’t go there. Way easier said then done. There will be triggers while going through therapy and it will make you question everything but keep pushing. My main compulsion is to confess to my father currently I’m 16. That is ridiculous. I have confessed some of the most embarrassing horrible things and they are things I have done. I know what you are going through you are not alone. I have struggled so bad with this almost no one would understand. I wanted to stay asleep forever that is the only relief I could get. But you will get there. Don’t give up no matter what or how hopeless you feel. I believe in you, so does your bf and do does your family and everyone you know. You are loved and are a perfect being no matter what you have done or thought. No matter what. You can change and live in the present moment. That’s what matters. Nothing is real in the past unless you stay there. -Gabe

dee012

Date posted: 2y

@Ray@924 thank you so much for this bless your soul, i told my bf about this and he told me “if u did, then u don’t anymore and u know better now, if u didn’t then u didn’t” I just decided that even if i say i didn’t but still feel unsure, i forgive myself if i did. it’s just hard sitting with uncertainty for a situation like this. the memory feels SUPER real, like it feels as if im “remembering” it, but a part of me feels like it’s not right at all… like it’s a false memory but the minute I have relief that it’s fake, it all comes back feeling like I did do something

Gabe123

Date posted: 2y

@cs223 I know, it’s the same for me. He is giving you reassurance which can what makes you feel better for a minute and then another comes up. Reassurance is what confessing is looking for which is a huge compulsion. You are welcome. It is ok. It is super hard to sit in the uncertainty. LIKE SUPER HARD. Almost unbearable sometimes but if you have a therapist it helps so much you don’t understand. Do you have one?

dee012

Date posted: 2y

@Ray@924 yes I do and I think I talk to her tmrw. i just don’t know how to go about this bc if it DID happen how do i even forgive myself😞😞💔I love my cat sm and i am thinking oh if I did it then I would’ve thought abt it before now… but then when I get relief from that ocd is like “what if u did it but ur brain is blocking it out and now u remember” all of this sucks and I feel like this a big setback in my life I’m only 17 ive made so many mistakes and if this happens to be one i wouldn’t know how to live with myself💔

Gabe123

Date posted: 2y

Hey, it’s alright. I’ve done things a lot worse then that lol. Trust me… WAY WORSE. And I didn’t know if I could live with myself. Mine are if I did anything to my baby little brothers and it scares me so bad if I did something to them every time and I feel like I remember it from certain way or thing I saw on them. And for me I try to convince myself I didn’t do it and if I did it’s all over I don’t know what I’ll do. But you have to learn to say, “I don’t know if I (say what ever you have done in detail) and really don’t try to solve it. Live in the uncertainty. It is so hard for me but if you don’t and keep doing that for each thing that happens then even though It feels like they won’t go away the symptoms with start to subside. I have like some bigger then others and harder to let go. But I’m still working on living in uncertainty. You are the most similar person experience with ocd so I think we really understand each other. If you did touch your cat just think I do love her. Maybe I did that but I don’t think I would. And you have like trillions of hormones going through your body and so do I. You are teens so… you will have thoughts and do weird things sometimes. It didn’t make you love your day any less. Anyways, I know it’s so hard to get yourself to know you didn’t do anything but once you start sitting in your uncertainty the “pac-man” in your brain will bite down the ocd and you will start to be able to relajar what’s real and not. And if you did something, just… don’t do it again learn from it. Change it in the present. It’s ok to make mistakes everyone does don’t beat yourself over it. You are you❤️

dee012

Date posted: 2y

@Ray@924 thank you a lot for this it made me cry lol this really helps a lot. it’s just so hard. im going to use that, “maybe I did that but I don’t think I would” im just scared this is gonna be a new theme for my ocd im going on a date for Valentine’s Day and im scared it’s gonna be bothering me the whole time. all this stuff plus past mistakes just makes me feel so bad for having a bf i feel unworthy of love i feel so out of place and not normal… idek what’s considered normal but I’m most definitely not anything near normal. i was a weird and abnormal kid i did weird disturbing stuff out of curiosity, i went through sexual trauma and was exposed to a lot of things at a young age i just dk how to move forward in life

Gabe123

Date posted: 2y

I was exposed to too much when little too it’s the same thing! You are not unworthy of love to me. You sound like one of the best people I’ve “met” already. Like one of the best and that is why you feel unworthy and feel bad for everything you do. It’s the same way for me I feel like Im always trying to be inappropriate with everything I do and it drives me crazy and gives me hopelessness. When I was 9 I was given full access to an iPad and watched things I wasn’t reassurance to watch. This pushed forward to create new series of problems of actually doing weird things and I felt so horrible for so long isn’t not telling anyone I watched and do that and thought I was a horrible person but at the same Tom conflicted with the the opposite side. I believe the best way to move on is instead of saying I don’t think I would do that say I don’t know if I did that, I don’t know if I didn’t do that because that leaves your brain in a state of confusion and anxiety will set in but if you do ERP with your therapist it will work. You just need to believe in yourself. There’s nothing wrong with you even if you think or have done something terrible. I don’t care if you killed Someone everyone deserves love especially you. You sound like you are amazing and you don’t deserve this. I hope your therapist is helping. You need to go on that date and enjoy yourself and LOVE it. Why do you think you have a bf? You are amazing! It is ok

dee012

Date posted: 2y

@Gabe123 i relate to you super hard, I got my first electronic at like 5-6, unrestricted so i ended up seeing a lot of things i wasn’t supposed to, which traumatized me and led me to look for more weird things out of curiosity. i was exposed to porn at a very young age, i started sexual acts in pre k, ive always been a weird kid and i know it’s not my fault i have a lot of trauma, but it just makes me feel so messed up in the head. my boyfriend knows everything about me, including my ocd and intrusive thoughts and he still loves me and it confuses me and throws me off because since my ocd convinced me im a bad person and whatnot, it makes me think everyone would think that so now that i have someone that loves me for me, it feels weird. i tried to do erp with a therapist on here but i feel like she wasn’t helpful enough. im scared im going to remember something i did as a kid that’s unforgivable and im going to tell my bf and he’s going to leave. like i said before, since my ocd is telling me the cat stuff is a memory i pushed away, it’s telling me now there’s more bad stuff i could have done that my brain blocked out and im going to end up remembering and telling my bf and he will leave. i hate thinking like this but ocd always come up with worse case scenario :(

Gabe123

Date posted: 2y

I changed my name by the way from Ray to Gabe lol

Gabe123

Date posted: 2y

By the way, don’t blame me if I don’t answer, I might fall sleep💤 I don’t know where you live but it’s like 1:33 here and I haven’t been able to fa asleep lol

dee012

Date posted: 2y

@Gabe123 it’s the same time for me as well! thank you so much for your advice, if u would like to be friends i have social media. if u fall asleep goodnight!

Gabe123

Date posted: 2y

I would love that too! I’ll follow your social media! What’s your name?

dee012

Date posted: 2y

@Gabe123 ggghskskalo is my fake page on Instagram ill dm u my real one

Gabe123

Date posted: 2y

I hope you get rest too!!

Gabe123

Date posted: 2y

I don’t know if you already sent it or not but it’s my moms email… oops, but she set it up for me with therapy and everything and then just let me take it we are trying to figure out how to transfer emails though

Gabe123

Date posted: 2y

I’m sorry I didn’t follow yet my parents have screen time limits on my social media, I know annoying. But I will tonight! I’m assuming you are a junior right?

dee012

Date posted: 2y

@Gabe123 it’s okay, yes im a Junior hbu?

Gabe123

Date posted: 2y

Sophomore going to Junior soon. That’s cool!

dee012

Date posted: 2y

@Gabe123 is there anywhere else u could message me on that u would like too? besides social media

Gabe123

Date posted: 2y

I’m not sure. It’s this and my number but that is literally about it lol my parents are strict.

Gabe123

Date posted: 2y

I don’t have many other places we can communicate but we can use this I guess

dee012

Date posted: 2y

@Gabe123 the thread is public so whenever ur phone works we could continue? ur advice really helped a lot

Gabe123

Date posted: 2y

Ok, I really hope you start doing better keep using tools your therapist gives you. You sound like you have the same ocd as me

dee012

Date posted: 2y

@Gabe123 thank you i will. pls text me when ur msgs work! i relate to u alot

Gabe123

Date posted: 2y

I will! Thank you for understanding me tok

dee012

Date posted: 2y

i never once had a thought like this up until now.. and ik with ocd u have to deal with uncertainty but i would rather die then feel uncertain about this

Renegade

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@cs223 ocd is a big fat liar. You are safe, and okay. You’re going to get through this!

dee012

Date posted: 2y

@A.H.Renegade thank you so much

Gabe123

Date posted: 2y

I am a boy using an account named different

Gabe123

Date posted: 2y

@Ray@924 Lol

Gabe123

Date posted: 2y

I know, it always comes up with worse case scenarios ERP is the way to go. It really works if you master it and out in the time and find a therapist that really helps. I am sure your boyfriend won’t leave you for anything you’ve done unless he’s a fool! I know it comes up with so much more after you get over different things or it just adds the the stuff your already dealing with. You didn’t push any memory away, that’s one of my biggest fears as well. I believe you just did it and didn’t feel bad about it then because you just were going to do it because you were curious and “liked” it because you were exposed to it too early. As I was. I was exposed to way too much including porn at an early Age so I come from the same spot. When something new comes up right now just think, (this is what me and my therapist are working on now) if there’s no third party source that you’ve done something even if your ember it don’t confess. If it was so and someone would of spoken up… guess what? No one has have they? No matter how real it is. You aren’t messed up and it’s not weird to be loved. You deserve it and more. It should not feel weird to you either. I guarantee you people would die for you! You are so important. (My logic is anyone who has a good heart and is nice to others I would die for) so I guess that includes you! Lol. You have made mistakes and bad choices and have done things maybe or maybe not. (Probably not, ocd is twisting it) but you just need to focus on the good even though it’s so hard. The cat thing is nothing to worry about. I know how it feels you literally have no idea “was I doing that, touching her inappropriately?, did she to me?? Wait.. there’s more!?” It just adds on and on and when you focus on one thing it adds on and on like a train with more cars with different materials. Focus is key. Focus on your love for your boyfriend and family and anyone you care about. I’m sure he would leave you for anything you have ever done you are a good person and rennet that

Gabe123

Date posted: 2y

Ok!

dee012

Date posted: 2y

okay my fake number is 5617831708 text it and ill just text u my real number lol

Gabe123

Date posted: 2y

It stopped working

dee012

Date posted: 2y

@Gabe123 whenever it works again or if you’d like we could email

Gabe123

Date posted: 2y

This sucks

dee012

Date posted: 25w

false memory half asleep

I hate when false memory targets memories where I was half asleep. For example, earlier this morning im guessing 2-3 am i dunno but I was half asleep, I turned my head and saw my cats butt in my face. I grabbed my cat tail and put the tail over his butt, so his butt will not be in my face and his tail will cover it. I think he ended up moving to cuddle, or I grabbed him to cuddle with me., but my cat ended up licking my hand and it gave me a groinal response. I am pretty sure that moment it did make me feel weird and uncomfortable, but I just tried to sit with it and ignore. I’m also sure that I just told my cat to leave, or just let him go. But my ocd is making me feel like i did something wrong or like WHAT IF YOU DID. Like no matter how much i try to figure it out my chest hurts so bad and i keep rethinking about it and i can’t find where I did something wrong but my brain is like what if you did this but you were half asleep so u don’t remember. Like this is super difficult. My chest hurts so bad like im trying to not think about it but wtf.

dee012

Date posted: 25w

false memory ocd :(

TW// MENTION OF DR8GS, SXUAL CONTENT false memory ocd is targeting my earlier teen years, around 16, I had a friend and we both did droogs (spelled it like that for a reason) one time together. I was scared to do the other stuff we had so she did it. but I remember us like touching eachothers chest as like girl stuff I guess idk it was weird lol… like about our sizes but then later on I had asked her smthng about ohh “would u ever wanna do stuff? or would u feel like that’s weird” something along those lines… and I remember her saying “ohhh I mean idk I would but I wouldn’t want it to make things weird between us”.. now here’s my thing. I remember just agreeing and accepting it and moving on, but obviously feeling weird cus that was sortve rejection. But my brain is saying what if u kept asking? Or questioned her? (We never did anything but likeee my ocd is like what if u tried to push it) and my brain is like what if u wanted to do it just bc she was under influence? I wanted us both to do it while under influence 1. Because we wouldn’t be anxious 2. I thought it would be fun at the time 3. I felt like it would be less weird if we were high. I did not PLAN for us to do these substances just for this reason but it was in my head that maybe we would do stuff if we had a sleepover or something plus I had just gotten out of a relationship with a guy and I also like girls. All im thinking is what if she said yes? MY high wore off before hers and hers was lasting longer so she would’ve been under the influence and that would’ve been super bad I would’ve felt like I 🍇 her or something… that’s why im scared right now. Idk if these what ifs are true and I literally am sick with uncertainty. If it’s true that would make me feel so terrible, like a predator (like I tried to coerce her or something) but idk what’s true and what’s not. I just remember this false memory being triggered by the fact that I asked when we were on stuff but my stuff had already wore off is what’s bothering me. (We took different things) I remember worrying about this false memory before, and was able to move on. Also me and that girl were friends for a couple years after that until we fell out over stupidity. And we also had sleepovers after that and idk if I already asked her for reassurance like ohhh are u sure I didn’t make u uncomfortable.. but idk if I did. I want to ask but I can’t because I guess she is not around right now. Like MIA.(her own personal stuff im assuming) Any advice would help :(

dee012

Date posted: 21w

false memory help

any advice for when you get false memories that feel really real? especially something that had JUST happened, it’s like ur brain distorts it. i feel like i do something wrong 24/7 then i get over it and ocd latched onto something new

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