I need help

This week has been a torment for me, since college started again for me and my boyfriend we've been both back into routine which is pretty normal, but one of his flaws is being bad at replying my texts at time (I assume it's because he's actually busy) but since I have terrible relationship anxiety I've been constantly asking for reassurance and immediately regret it because I feel like a burden to him, I feel so ashamed and it actually flamed my anxiety even more because now I think he's going to break up with me because of my mental illnesses even though he says he loves me very much. I'm obsessing over it and I can't even sleep.

Relationship OCD

Anxietyandjoy

Date posted: 2y

Something my therapist told me is that happiness isn't a permanent feeling, happiness comes from happenings. And I think people with rod idolized relationships or the opposite sex and then they find - oh wait the high dies. Everyone's story is different. Some people have a baby then get married. Some struggle with rocd and decide that, despite feelings, they choose their partner. Some have a long lasting high. But I can guarantee people that have been married for 20+ years don't live on their feelings and don't always feel deep attraction. People choose for so many reasons, and it's their choice that sustains the love, not the love that sustains the choice. Comparison is a compulsion so I had to deal with that, "everyone else feels attacted, amazing, etc all the time, and I want that too!" First of all that's not true and secondly - Comparison will keep you in the ocd cycle because it's a compulsion. You have your own story, you make your choices, you can get thru it.

Anxietyandjoy

Date posted: 2y

Judging yourself is a compulsion. Simply say “I feel fear I could be happier” and then DON’T judge yourself. Truly this changed my life. The thing is, it’s normal to feel fear you could be happier. It’s okay. Don’t judge yourself. Don’t compare. Stop the compulsions and see your life change. This was very true in my case. Judgement and comparison.. stop. I got married in December and this has revolutionized my relationship. Emotions are meant to be felt not figured out. Feel the fear, and that is IT. Don’t judge and analyze. Do this over time and you’ll see the the change. 💖

Brave through

Date posted: 2y

@Anxietyandjoy Hey, i don’t know if i have relationship ocd or not but can you help me a little.. A guy i have been in a situationship for the past 10 months asked for time and soace and i cant help but think if he is Bored with me lying to me sometimes i get thoughts like he is guy who is fickle minded will leave me and just say i told you so and then i think should i listen to this and let go or listen to the hope of him coming back but do they ever? We were never in a relationship the situation was messy now what? If we dont see each other again or come back we will be done for good i dont want to put these negative energy out in the universe but i cant help these thoughts what is the guarantee that all of this wont happen with so much misunderstanding and miscommunication will we ever work out its become so platonic will we feel stuff cause to begin with we were never emotionally vulnerable with each other now will we If no one texts no one calls in this duration of space then what going back to being strangers but seeing each other in class and having it hard is that one reason i don’t want it to end cause i cant see him in class like that and he can or might be okay with it cause he is over this? Or is he? He isn’t sure about me he know that and has told me but doesn’t want this to end and I don’t too i am holding on taking this risk without any guarantee am i doing the right thing? Will it be in my favour and if not then what ? And why am i not okay with it not being in my favour why am i so scared??If no contact doesn’t affect him? Continues like this i need the fear of him not coming back to go away only then can i make peace with the situation at hand Because he can romantically involve and wants to be friends what if that is what remains just being friends.. and no feelings ??what if we get bored of each other the feelings? I dont want to force myself I dont want it to be fast but 2 months later if i ask this question if do you want this to work and he just says no i will regret everything what do i do? Will i have to say goodbye even when i don’t want to? Is that what god is teaching me? He earlier was but he isn’t now am I expecting from the wrong person i read an article that said take him for his word and here are 2 sides to it Should i know my worth and walk away but i want this to work and i want to stay but the only way it can is for me to do my own thing and not worry a lot of relationships similar to this haven’t worked out but why am i hoping for this to be different. We think of the best but so many things haven’t worked out? So many relationships and also comparing old to new specifically the conversations what to do? I can chose to hope for the best but there are so many ways things can go wrong..could you pls tell me is this ocd? Some advice?

TakeBackYour...

Date posted: 2y

@Anxietyandjoy This is GREAT advice. Very well said 👏

vincenzokeez

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 26w

Wanna know my real truth with ROCD. We know that everything can go wrong and everything can make us feel and think differently and we are too sensitive and overthink everything. We even actually end up potentially doing the things we fear because we are afraid. That’s it. We are afraid to being us and things happening out of our control. Like people who are afraid their partner may cheat. Or we may, or we may have a bad relationship because we know. Uncertainty and what keeps us all coming back and stuck in this loop whether we know it or not is because we can’t get used to living with being caught out or happening. That’s it! Fear, fear itself! Because it’s telling us something and wanting you to listen in the nicest of ways! :)

geminileo

Date posted: 25w

Not doing well (vent)

Hi, I haven’t posted in a while. I’ve been struggling for the past month, it’s been a mix of ocd flare ups and depressive episodes. I recently got into a new relationship, one I was not expecting at all as I had just broken up with my long term boyfriend over the summer and was expecting the cycle of being alone for a few years and then dating again. But anyways, my current boyfriend is amazing and so caring and sweet, I told him before we even started dating about my ocd and how I sometimes need constant reassurance and that it can be a lot to deal with it and that I can become clingy and annoying and he didn’t even bat an eye, he just said he likes me as I am and that he will be able to help and support me. We’re dating long distance rn as I’m finishing up college but we constantly text and video chat/call almost every night. My ocd has been constantly gnawing at that and it’s causing my abandonment issues to flare up horribly, I’ve told him a little bit about my ex boyfriend as he was not a very good person, he was much older than me (12 years) and at the start of our relationship he was amazing and said he could deal with my mental health issues (I know no one is obligated at all) but I would communicate to him that it scares me when he doesn’t talk to me for weeks at a time, and at first he said he would try to be better about that but then it turned into him saying I’m annoying and clingy and that I bother him and that he just wants alone time but during that alone time I wouldn’t hear from him at all for two weeks. He also stopped caring about my interests and said I was annoying when I would talk about them and would even get mad when I tried to talk about my day. Anyways being in this new relationship has caused me to fear that my current boyfriend is going to leave me, lost interest in me or that he’s annoyed with me and hates me, which unfortunately has caused me to give into my compulsion of reassurance so I’ve been asking him a lot “do you still like me?” “We’re still together right?” “Have I annoyed you?” And I hate myself for doing that. He is so sweet and I don’t want to be like this, I don’t want to drain him, i genuinely have never felt this way about anyone I’ve dated but it’s like he was meant to be in my life and we clicked instantly like it felt like we’ve known each other forever and I don’t want to lose him. My avoidance is getting bad and I’m trying to stop myself from pushing him away but I just feel so guilty and ughhhh it’s so frustrating. I just don’t know how to handle this, I want to be with him and I want to make him happy but I hate that my brain works this way.

Gmoki

Date posted: 23w

Relationship

I feel so bad I overthink abt everything my bf says and does. I think that if he doesn’t say x y z when I want reassurance then he must’ve stopped caring or is tired of me. I know it’s not the truth and he gives me NO reason to think this way. This is my first healthy relationship and I want to be in each others lives forever. I love him so much and I’m trying my hardest to manage these thoughts but I’m so anxious. It’s so draining I feel helpless and like I can’t go a day without checking his social medias. I want us to be the best versions of ourselves for eachother but idk where to start or how to manage this feeling.

cam123

Date posted: 23w

Stressing about my relationship

Me and my boyfriend have only been together for a short period of time....and he's head over heels for me...at least he says so. All the time I'm so scared he's going to break up with me or any time something is uncomfortable I shut down and think I did something or he's thinking about me in a negative way and I don't know how to stop it. He doesn't do anything to seem like he wants to break up with me, but any time he does something a little different then normal I immediately think of the worst. If he's being really quiet I'll be thinking *is he going to break up with me* *does he not want to be with me* *is he just hanging out with me right now because he wants a girlfriend to pass the time* all of that stuff. And honestly I'm so scared..... because what if my thoughts are true?

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

I need help

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community