ROCD and flirting

Need some advice please! Went out with friends the other night - both of them are single and I have been in my wonderful relationship for over a year now. Anyways, my friend met a guy and he offered to buy us some drinks. Both my friends went to the bathroom and I decided to stay behind and watch all our drinks (safety reasons obvi since we don’t know this man). A man was talking to the guy we were with and I was relieved I didn’t need to make conversation with him when all of a sudden the guy we were with goes to the other man “hey my girlfriend and I here are trying to have a nice date night together and enjoy each other’s company, would you mind?” And I was completely thrown off. I felt so uncomfortable and had to go along with it, and the other man was like “what do you like about your bf?” And I was like Um he’s a cool guy I guess and it becomes this big false story. The man leaves and this guy then asks me “have you ever had that happen to you before? Have a guy pretend to be your boyfriend?” And I immediately was like “no I haven’t. Normally MY boyfriend is with me lol.” Shut it down right away. Then the guy started asking about my friends again. Anyways long story short, my OCD spiked after this. My mind has been replaying the event over and over to check and make sure I didn’t flirt. My mind is also saying “did I like he was trying to flirt with me? Did I want to flirt back? Did I flirt back? Maybe I flirted?” I had a quick thought it could be a cute story at first for how someone would meet for the first time, not me obviously but someone else, but then the more I thought about it the more I just thought this guy was plain rude. I told my boyfriend the entire story that same night and he just said the guys a weirdo (which he was) and he’s sure I didn’t do anything wrong. But I still feel so guilty for some reason? Any advice? Also want to say I know I would never ever do anything to jeopardize my relationship with my boyfriend, nor do I even have any desire for other mens attention. I was just super uncomfortable I was even put in that situation.

Username: Anonymous39826Anonymous39826

Date posted: 1y ago

Hey thanks for your note, I think that’s a great way to put it. And you put it into words exactly how I’m feeling, I hated the guy even put me in a situation to pretend I didn’t have a partner. Like you said, I think most people would feel uncomfortable about that (which is good!!) and my boyfriend supported me 100% and said he’s just glad I’m safe and okay, and wasn’t even mad at me at all

Username: Anonymous39826Anonymous39826

Date posted: 1y ago

@fall.lover Really, it’s just me who needs to forgive myself like you said

Username: HenryMP27HenryMP27

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

Hey there! You already went through the hardest part: Having this conversation with your partner. Was revealing this event a compulsion? Probably, but this is an event that I would not recommend hiding from your partner. So you did the right thing! Now, it's time for you to forgive yourself. Your partner seems totaly okay with the event. But you are not. My advice: Talk to your partner one more time about this. Only one more time. No more than that. Explain to him that you feel bad about this and you have been ruminating a lot about it. Let him know that you will do your best to avoid this topic from now on. However, right now, you are having a hard time forgiving yourself and you feel a lot of guilt. You need to let that go. With your partner's help, you may be able to forgive yourself while performing this short exercise and leave this intrusive memory behind. If it comes up again in the future, it's okay! We all have ups and downs. Just address your concern in front of your partner, and with him as a witness, forgive yourself out loud. This may seem cringy and unrealistic, but if you actually do it, you may find some peace. Good luck! 🙌

Username: Anonymous39826Anonymous39826

Date posted: 1y ago

Hey there! Appreciate your response! And I totally agree, I think it’s an event not a big deal but definitely something I wanted to tell my boyfriend immediately about. From an outsiders perspective, do you think it sounds like I did something wrong? (Reassurance asking I know), but that aside I just want to make sure if I did do something wrong, I don’t do it again. I guess, did I do something I need to forgive myself for? I didn’t think I did

Username: anonymous43anonymous43

Date posted: 1y ago

I get so much of this. I'm not even sure if I read this for reassurance that someone feels the same as I do, or to figure out that I'm a bad person.

Username: Anonymous39826Anonymous39826

Date posted: 1y ago

I feel you - with my situation I don’t think it’s my fault I was put into this uncomfortable situation, I can’t control other peoples behaviors. I can control my own though and I try to remind myself that!

Username: HenryMP27HenryMP27

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

I don't think you have to do something wrong for you to feel guilty about something. Morality is subjective. So if you feel guilty about something, chances are there is a part of you that simply is not okay with it. I know I would personally feel guilty if I find myself in a situation in which I have to pretend I don't have a partner. Even if I didn't mean to, it just wouldn't sit right with me. However, that probably wouldn't be the case for a lot of people. If you do feel bad about what happened, self compassion usually helps, and it's easier to apply self compassion when you have your partner's support.

Username: Johnny101

Date posted: 3y ago

Hey this isn’t really ocd related I don’t think, I’m just hoping for a piece of advice from some of you guys out there. This Friday I went to a party with some of my friends, to another friend of mines dorm room. The friend who’s dorm room we were in, me and her had became close last year other than that we haven’t really spoken much over the last semester. I’ve never thought of her as anything besides friends. I have a girlfriend I love very much and everything and I would never ever want to hurt her at all. Friday I was very intoxicated, and was talking to one of my other friends about the friend who’s dorm room it is about how I thought she was attractive. But with my guy friends we’ve always been very open about talking about females indirectly. I don’t think I said anything to her directly about it and I am really hoping I didn’t seem flirtatious because I feel absolutely full of anxiety and guilt that I was disloyal to my girlfriend in sort of way and idk what to do. Physically I’m positive for sure I didn’t do anything and my other friend says I didn’t say anything to her while he was around. I’m just really scared because I love my girlfriend and I don’t want to sit w the guilt that I did something to hurt her. Vowed to myself I wouldn’t drink again or put myself in a situation where I may be vulnerable to doing something like that. Someone please give me some advice to feel less guilty

Username: gussywussy

Date posted: 2y ago

rocd flare up. please help.

hi. i have been dealing with the worst rocd episode to date. i’ve been with an amazing man for almost 2 years. i flirted around and dated one person in high school. i entered my first long term relationship in 2020 when i was 18. I was never the party type. I always liked having a close knit group of friends and having intimate gatherings. two weeks ago i saw a post about how relationships in your 20s dont last and that your 20s are for dating around. that sent me into a spiral and i felt that i had to date around or i was doing something wrong. after tears on both ends he allowed me three months to date around and bate a decision. i tearfully downloaded tinder and swiped left on everyone. i called him back that same night and sobbed begging for us to not do this break thing because i knew that’s not what i really wanted. since then i’ve had days of clarity where I know I don’t want anyone else. when we are together, i feel at peace. but when we’re apart i’m back to spiraling. this is the worst episode i’ve had to date and mind you i’ve had cheating ocd, false memories, and compulsive confessions in the past. I keep giving into the compulsions to look at articles about how young relationships are destined to fail they don’t make me feel good at all. I don’t want reassurance, just want to know how people move past these flare ups. any advice is greatly appreciated please.

Relationship OCD

Username: Anonymous

Date posted: 1y ago

ROCD

I just wanted to ask a quick question. I love my partner and have ocd but whenever I feel pretty or try to dress nice, an instant image pops in my head of another guy at work. This makes me feel like it’s proof I like that guy but I have no interest what so ever, I love and am obsessed with my partner. What is happening, and is this normal?

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ROCD and flirting

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