7710 ❤️
- Date posted
- 2y
How
How can I sit with this if it’s this real!? I don’t know what to do anymore!!!… I believe I am only with him for bad reasons…
lilbilllilbill
- Date posted
- 2y
i’m going through the exact same thing as you. it’s difficult i know but you wouldn’t be on this site if the thoughts were real. you would’ve been out and gone if they were real. just keep pushing. i’ve never felt this way before and im trying to navigate my way through it and it’s the hardest thing i’ve ever done
7710 ❤️7710 ❤️
- Date posted
- 2y
@lilyn How do you feel exactly?
7710 ❤️7710 ❤️
- Date posted
- 2y
@lilyn He gave me the most beautiful Valentine’s Day card ever and I didn’t feel anything… Idk maybe at this point… maybe I am using ROCD as an excuse… maybe I truly am in denial… I feel nothing for him… it is heart breaking bc we have a good relationship. I love him but even saying that doesn’t seem right. I don’t know anymore.. I know everyone tells me that your fine that it’s ROCD… I have been wanting this to be ROCD.. but even though a specialist told me that I have all the symptoms… it doesn’t seem that way anymore.. it’s been becoming more and more real each and every day. 💔
7710 ❤️7710 ❤️
- Date posted
- 2y
@lilyn Breaking up is in my mind everyday at every hour.. 💔 Never did it get this bad.. when my partner told me I said I love you to him in my sleep it made me very happy. I want to feel something again… I love him I know something deep down knows that. Bc why would I still fight.,
7710 ❤️7710 ❤️
- Date posted
- 2y
@lilyn I am just tired of this… there are times when I actually think about breaking up only to see if this is true. But I can’t do it bc I love him still. A lot. Even knowing I am an empty shell.
7710 ❤️7710 ❤️
- Date posted
- 2y
@lilyn I just… want my happy moments back so badly…
7710 ❤️7710 ❤️
- Date posted
- 2y
@lilyn I have tested myself over and over for 3 years.. saying I am not in love and that o wanted to break up over and over again.. 😢 I just want to be happy again… I constantly believe I am in denial and yet I don’t wanna leave him.. I love him but yet when I think about things we can do together it’s like I know I don’t love him… That I am just constantly lying to myself…
lilbilllilbill
- Date posted
- 2y
@7710 ❤️ i completely understand it all. i have been suffering so much recently, trying to understand why my thoughts feel so real. i saw this video last night that kinda helped me for a brief moment. this lady was talking about how she would lay in bed at night thinking of breaking up and she’d get this sense of anxiety purge over her body. her therapist told her that typically when you come to a decision that you’re sure of, a sense of calmness washes over you. now i know for myself, when i think about breaking up, i feel so anxious, like my heart dropped to my stomach. i don’t feel good thinking about it. i’m still managing and trying to do better but im not growing as much as i’d like. i think about it all day and night, questioning everything. looking back at previous moments i had where my ocd is like “well that shows you weren’t in love” and i’m like fuck off! i know i was in love and i’m still in love but at this point everything i tell myself just seems like i’m trying to convince myself. it’s very hard and i’m just trying to push through it because i know i don’t want to break up with my partner.
7710 ❤️7710 ❤️
- Date posted
- 2y
@lilyn Sometimes I don’t get anxiety.. I can’t tell if I am emotionally numbed out or… I actually fell out of love.. I know I don’t wanna break up. But then I have moments it’s like I really want to break up… I still show love to him. I know i still love him a lot but I’m stuck thinking I don’t…
7710 ❤️7710 ❤️
- Date posted
- 2y
@lilyn It’s just… when I don’t overthink… I don’t think about breaking up at all… but I am scared…
7710 ❤️7710 ❤️
- Date posted
- 2y
@lilyn It’s really like I know! I don’t wanna believe this! I don’t wanna say goodbye! I can’t get rid of this feeling…
7710 ❤️7710 ❤️
- Date posted
- 2y
@lilyn It can’t!! There are no thoughts! Nothing! I am panicking but.. it’s genuinely like I don’t love him anymore…
7710 ❤️7710 ❤️
- Date posted
- 2y
@lilyn I didn’t feel like this on Vday evening… 😢
7710 ❤️7710 ❤️
- Date posted
- 2y
@lilyn This can’t be it!! My happy moments feel like they were are lies… 😭💔
lilbilllilbill
- Date posted
- 2y
@7710 ❤️ that’s the rocd. i constantly looked back at old memories and thought they were lies even though i know i was so content and full in those memories. the last couple days have been a lot for me and valentine’s day was rough on our relationship but something good happened due to how rough it was. my girlfriend sat me down and said she thinks there’s a part of me that doesn’t want to see me happy. a part of my old self that is trying to self sabotage and take away something very important to me. after that i started researching more about how to stop self sabotage, how to heal, what my attachment style is. i then started journaling, writing things that trigger me in my relationship, wounds that i have carried. and things started clearing up a bit. the last two days have been significantly better than the past three weeks. that is what has worked for me so maybe give it a try. it also allows you to focus on something else rather than your relationship.
7710 ❤️7710 ❤️
- Date posted
- 2y
@lilyn I am thankful your talking to me.. everyone gets upset at me easily except my partner. I have so much guilt.. it’s driving me insane… 💔
7710 ❤️7710 ❤️
- Date posted
- 2y
@lilyn I obsessed so much.. I am stuck thinking I actually don’t love him.. I am still fighting bc I don’t wanna break up. Therapy is my only way to save my relationship… 😰 I keep saying I don’t love him and it seems true bc I don’t react I and sit and wait to see if I will react…
lilbilllilbill
- Date posted
- 2y
@7710 ❤️ the way you are posting and seem very much stressed out, shows otherwise. i heard someone say “typically when you come to a decision you’re sure of, there’s a sense of calmness that comes over your body” and if you’re thinking of ending things with your partner, you’d feel calm and not freaking out
Related posts
Mher545
- Date posted
- 23w
How to “sit with uncertainty” HELP
I hit the SOS, and I’m just scared. If I sit with the uncertainty, then I could honestly sit here all day crying. I just can’t accept I’m not a bad person and ruined my relationship, no matter how much grace I give myself. What makes me feel better is knowing that I’m not a bad person, and trying to rationalize my mistakes - understanding everyone makes them. But then it feels like i can’t validate my good feelings because it’s “bad” and I should just accept I COULD be a bad person. It honestly sends me into a full panic. Please help!!!!!!
Mariabae
- Date posted
- 16w
panic. scared. it feels real
Right now I feel like I’ve realized something awful. Like maybe… I never truly loved my boyfriend. Maybe in the beginning I was just excited to be in a relationship. Maybe I confused that excitement with real love. And when the intrusive thoughts started, maybe it wasn’t ROCD — maybe it was the truth hitting me. I write this and it feels real. That’s the scariest part. It feels calm and clear and like maybe I’ve just been lying to myself all along, holding on because I “should,” not because I truly want to. I can’t remember how it felt to love him — and that makes it worse. I feel so disconnected, so numb, like nothing makes sense anymore. Every time I try to feel something for him, it feels like I’m faking it. Like I’m playing a role, not being myself. But the thing is… I’m not at peace. If this was really the truth, why does it hurt so much? Why does this “realization” come with panic, guilt, emptiness, and so much fear? I don’t want to hurt him. I don’t want to lose him. But I also don’t want to keep living like this — doubting myself, my feelings, and my past. I feel like I’m stuck in a cycle I can’t break, and I’m scared I’ll always feel this way. Has anyone ever felt like this before?
user36373738
- Date posted
- 14w
Spinning / long but plz read
I have had ROCD in my relationship for a while and I’ve always been having the feeling do I break up so I not but even with the anxiety I still felt love and knew I didn’t want to be without him. But now it feels different. What scares me is it feels like I could actually see myself wanting to date someone else because of qualities he doesn’t have. I keep seeing him as overall bad. For more context he is caring, generous, we are very similar, but have different communication styles and talking issues out is hard for him. He also can be irritable easily, he doesn’t like talking things out that much and there’s a bit of a maturity difference which I know is sometning that can grow. Lately I feel like when I’m around him I am just frustrated with how he is acting like when he does something that upsets me like makes a joke about something he knows isn’t funny and bothersome to me, he’ll say sorry but then end up doing it again. Even though I know he really does care about me which I know it feels like he only cares about him doing wrong like he doesn’t want to do wrong instead of actually wanting to fix my feelings being hurt cause when he asks if I’m upset and I say yes he will get upset and try to be defensive and it makes me feel he cares more about being wrong. I also have had less empathy toward him which really scares me because I am a very empathetic person but I am hoping it’s just cause of bad ocd and built frustrations. Also, I do know cause he has told me and I’ve seen it that he always wants to impress his parents and not make them mad because they pick at him the minute he does wrong. This is probably why it’s hard to talk things out but lately I have been feeling like I can’t say anything cause he will just get more anxious or shut down or not want to hear it. Anyway, what makes me anxious is it feels like I don’t feel anything anymore and my brain is saying the only reason why I get anxious thinking of not being together is because I hate change and cause he is the first person I’m with. But I keep going back and forth. It’s so hard to be around him now. All I’m trying to think of is evidence that I still love him or the good things about him. I’m really afraid this isn’t ocd and that it has just morphed into it just isn’t working anymore. Some feelings like less love feel real but also ocd gets in between everything and it’s so fuzzy. I am afraid deep down I really know. My brain keeps saying I can’t be with him anymore cause I can’t be with someone if I feel like this about him. Meaning if I don’t have empathy for him cause I’m frustrated or whatever and if all I can see his bad even though I know there is good. It also says if I was with someone else that was a little nicer or could talk things out or whatever imaginary scenario in my head I wouldn’t feel like this😭 and I love the family and it keeps saying I’m only staying cause of the family. And some of this I’m like wait that might be true and I have to rest and review and I’m exhausted. And one minute I want to leave the next I don’t….im worried the only reason I am with him is cause of how great things were or cause he loves me and not me loving him.
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