How

@lilyn How do you feel exactly?

@lilyn He gave me the most beautiful Valentine’s Day card ever and I didn’t feel anything… Idk maybe at this point… maybe I am using ROCD as an excuse… maybe I truly am in denial… I feel nothing for him… it is heart breaking bc we have a good relationship. I love him but even saying that doesn’t seem right. I don’t know anymore.. I know everyone tells me that your fine that it’s ROCD… I have been wanting this to be ROCD.. but even though a specialist told me that I have all the symptoms… it doesn’t seem that way anymore.. it’s been becoming more and more real each and every day. 💔

@lilyn Breaking up is in my mind everyday at every hour.. 💔 Never did it get this bad.. when my partner told me I said I love you to him in my sleep it made me very happy. I want to feel something again… I love him I know something deep down knows that. Bc why would I still fight.,

@lilyn I am just tired of this… there are times when I actually think about breaking up only to see if this is true. But I can’t do it bc I love him still. A lot. Even knowing I am an empty shell.

@lilyn I just… want my happy moments back so badly…

@lilyn I have tested myself over and over for 3 years.. saying I am not in love and that o wanted to break up over and over again.. 😢 I just want to be happy again… I constantly believe I am in denial and yet I don’t wanna leave him.. I love him but yet when I think about things we can do together it’s like I know I don’t love him… That I am just constantly lying to myself…

@7710 ❤️ i completely understand it all. i have been suffering so much recently, trying to understand why my thoughts feel so real. i saw this video last night that kinda helped me for a brief moment. this lady was talking about how she would lay in bed at night thinking of breaking up and she’d get this sense of anxiety purge over her body. her therapist told her that typically when you come to a decision that you’re sure of, a sense of calmness washes over you. now i know for myself, when i think about breaking up, i feel so anxious, like my heart dropped to my stomach. i don’t feel good thinking about it. i’m still managing and trying to do better but im not growing as much as i’d like. i think about it all day and night, questioning everything. looking back at previous moments i had where my ocd is like “well that shows you weren’t in love” and i’m like fuck off! i know i was in love and i’m still in love but at this point everything i tell myself just seems like i’m trying to convince myself. it’s very hard and i’m just trying to push through it because i know i don’t want to break up with my partner.

@lilyn Sometimes I don’t get anxiety.. I can’t tell if I am emotionally numbed out or… I actually fell out of love.. I know I don’t wanna break up. But then I have moments it’s like I really want to break up… I still show love to him. I know i still love him a lot but I’m stuck thinking I don’t…

@lilyn It’s just… when I don’t overthink… I don’t think about breaking up at all… but I am scared…

@lilyn It’s really like I know! I don’t wanna believe this! I don’t wanna say goodbye! I can’t get rid of this feeling…

@lilyn It can’t!! There are no thoughts! Nothing! I am panicking but.. it’s genuinely like I don’t love him anymore…

@lilyn I didn’t feel like this on Vday evening… 😢

@lilyn This can’t be it!! My happy moments feel like they were are lies… 😭💔

@7710 ❤️ that’s the rocd. i constantly looked back at old memories and thought they were lies even though i know i was so content and full in those memories. the last couple days have been a lot for me and valentine’s day was rough on our relationship but something good happened due to how rough it was. my girlfriend sat me down and said she thinks there’s a part of me that doesn’t want to see me happy. a part of my old self that is trying to self sabotage and take away something very important to me. after that i started researching more about how to stop self sabotage, how to heal, what my attachment style is. i then started journaling, writing things that trigger me in my relationship, wounds that i have carried. and things started clearing up a bit. the last two days have been significantly better than the past three weeks. that is what has worked for me so maybe give it a try. it also allows you to focus on something else rather than your relationship.

@lilyn I am thankful your talking to me.. everyone gets upset at me easily except my partner. I have so much guilt.. it’s driving me insane… 💔

@lilyn I obsessed so much.. I am stuck thinking I actually don’t love him.. I am still fighting bc I don’t wanna break up. Therapy is my only way to save my relationship… 😰 I keep saying I don’t love him and it seems true bc I don’t react I and sit and wait to see if I will react…

@7710 ❤️ the way you are posting and seem very much stressed out, shows otherwise. i heard someone say “typically when you come to a decision you’re sure of, there’s a sense of calmness that comes over your body” and if you’re thinking of ending things with your partner, you’d feel calm and not freaking out