- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 2y
Trying to get over a unwanted exposure
Hey All, I’ve suffered from contamination OCD for almost 10 years. It ranged from fears and unwanted thoughts about getting a basic flu to contracting something life threatening by engaging in everyday activities. I’ve been so excited about the progress I’ve made over the last year, and have been getting more time back in my life, and have been just generally more happy and peaceful. However, on Sunday, I was taking my dog for a walk on trails that I frequent in the neighborhood. I love them because they’re not traveled much and if they are, it’s local folks. Anyway, while I was on the walk, I tried to get out of my comfort zone and not go on my “approved route.” So, I went for a longer walk. My dog and I jumped over a little snow bank to cross the path and stepped over a condom on the ground. I have no idea if it was used or not (it wasn’t unrolled so hoping and preying it was not). However, I freaked out and had to experience unmanageable discomfort and pain, frankly. I bathed my dog after, wiped the floors quickly, showered myself, washed all the clothes I was wearing and have not touched the boots I was wearing on the hike. I’m struggling petting, or even basic interactions with my dog now, who I love so freaking much. It’s tearing me apart. I was to sit and let the anxiety in, but I haven’t experienced a scenario of this magnitude before and I’m really struggling moving on. I try and think: what would a normal person have done or do? I can’t reconcile my behaviors as extreme, and frankly, maybe I should have done more which is now causing the uncertainty and discomfort. Anyway, wanted to share. I know we’re not supposed to do this but I just want to know that everything is okay and I just want to move on but I’m stuck. OCD remains my greatest challenge and I will never give up fighting it but the likes of normal and ocd behavior have been blurred for so long I’m struggling with how to respond. Matt