Emetophobia & Fear of Children

***Mentions of emetophobia, germophobia, agoraphobia, & related trigger words/situations*** I feel like there’s something wrong with me because I really don’t like kids, partially due to severe emetophobia (I’ll explain) & partially due to my complete lack of maternal instincts or desire to procreate. Both reasons make me feel inadequate as a human. Here’s the deal: I’ve tried to like kids because I feel like I’m supposed to, but they actually frighten me & make me extremely uncomfortable. Interacting with them feels completely unnatural. I’ve never been able to bond with kids, not even the ones in my own family like my cousins. My emetophobia is crippling. Kids always seem to have a contagious illness. Exposure to stomach viruses, seeing someone vomit, and having my own vomiting incident are my absolute WORST NIGHTMARES. If I’m anywhere near a kid, I’m terrified I’ll be infected by them whether they’re actually sick or perfectly healthy. I can’t relax if I see or walk past a kid in a grocery store, a restaurant, or wherever because of the possibility they’ll vomit & cause me to vomit, too. I hold my breath when I’m near them to prevent breathing in their germs. It started in daycare/pre-K/elementary school because kids would vomit in front of me every single day. I’m not exaggerating. It was torture. I developed intense agoraphobia because I saw so many kids vomit in public places, & because I had my own traumatic vomiting incident. To be clear, I’d never be rude to kids, but I also can never relax or enjoy being remotely near them due to my emetophobia & lack of any loving connection with them. Am I broken? Am I a bad person? Society is constantly telling women we should want kids & the fact is that I don’t want anything to do with them. What worries me is that I don’t think I’d want them or like them even if I didn’t have emetophobia contributing to my avoidance. I don’t know if this is a related issue, but I was diagnosed with autism as well as OCD & I wonder if that affects my ability to form connections. What if I’m a sociopath and I don’t know it? These were a lot of thoughts but I had to get them off my chest here because I feel like people on these message boards will be much kinder and more understanding than people on Facebook or Instagram.

Justin E

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

First you are not a bad person. We are shaped and molded by our experiences so it would make sense that observing these things as a child could then manifest later in life. Sometimes we hold ourselves to a higher standard then we would hold others. I think having a therapist help you identify your fears relating to children could be beneficial.

Katie Bell

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@Breezy23 Thank you, friend 💖 You are kind and helpful.

Justin E

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

Not that this is the same thing. But when I was younger I passed out giving blood and later in life I had the phobia of anything to do with blood. Even talking about it was terrible. I avoided every situation in which blood was involved. I eventually had to expose myself and it definitely made a big impact on me.

Katie Bell

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@Breezy23 I’m so sorry you had that experience with blood! It sounds very frightening. I hope the exposure therapy is helping you. I’m currently working on ERP for my agoraphobia and emetophobia and I’ve actually made quite a bit of progress with my OCD and phobias for the first time ever! I love NOCD. It’s such a wonderful community and everyone is so helpful and and compassionate. You seem like a very nice person and if you’d like to connect on Instagram, I have a NOCD account at @katiebell_ocd

Sagepiginthehay

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

I don't have any advice because I just started this NOCD therapy journey, but I can definitely relate to you. I am AFAB (assigned female at birth) and was expecting to want kids of my own, but I'm like you. Lack maternal instincts (towards human babies anyway) and have emetophobia and autism (recently diagnosed). You don't have to have kids if you don't want to. Lots of people are opting out of having children for various reasons. You be whoever you want to be and do what makes you happy. Autism is not sociopathy. Sometimes we have trouble with empathy because neurotypical minds and behaviors are different from ours so it's like we are speaking different social "languages" but it's shown that neurodivergent people tend to have an easier time socializing with other neurdivergent people than they do with neurotypical folks. Interesting, right? We just do things differently, and different doesn't mean bad.

wassapbru

Date posted: 23w

ocd symptoms?? emetophobia

i randomly started a fear of vomit in 1st grade, i think it was because of a big chaos that happened when someone did it in my school. i’ve been scared of hearing it, smelling it, seeing it, being around it, hearing about others stories etc. i don’t know if this could be signs of ocd, neither do i know if i’m right to post here. i can’t eat in public without washing my hands / using hand sanitizer. i wash my hands, then while i wash them, i think about everything i’ve touched, which makes me wash them more. my hands are pretty dry. i can’t touch anything after washing them. not even chairs. when i sanitize them, i use around 4-5 sprays. then i spray my nails. i am the worst while travelling. i keep distance from everyone, i hold my breath while walking past people, i can’t touch anyone, and i avoid public bathrooms. i need to make sure everyone at my table sanitize their hands before they eat too. i almost never eat chicken unless my mom or my friends parents has made it, i’m extremely afraid of food poisoning, i barely eat meat (pork, beef), because i can’t trust anything. i always take a plate that looks visibly clean. it can never have dirt/stains. in buffé’s, i have to grab food from the back of the pan/plate. i dont trust random resturants with 3.6 star in reviews, i need ABOVE 4.2. i get tons of images in my head of vomit. i have nightmares. i have this thing where when i play guitar, i NEED to play the part perfect, or else i will be stuck like that unperfectly forever?? i have to do it again and again until its perfect. every day i have to tell myself «today is good. this food is safe. we are having fun. im super excited.» words like that in my head 24/7 and i even tell myself that while im singing, doing maths in my head which is weird. it takes so much space and i can’t stop. if i get images in my head, i repeat «no, no, no, im healthy», if i don’t, i might get sick. i cant even go to playgrounds, soft plays, places where many kids are. im so sorry if this was hard to read. if you are an expert, please tell me if this is something i should talk to a psychiatrist/psychologist about, and if its signs of ocd. thank you.

Contamination OCD

kesi

Date posted: 20w

Emetophobia/OCD

This has recently developed into something much bigger than it originally was. When this past winter season started, i noticed more people were getting the stomach bug than usual. I was fine at first, until I was noticing almost one person in every class was saying they recently had it. I researched about it, and I found what I was looking for unfortunately. Norovirus cases were surging across the U.S because of a new strain of NoV that recently had been spreading. This immediately altered my way of thinking. Everywhere I went, I would be overly cautious of what’s around me and whose around me. The first obsessive compulsive problem I had was that I couldn’t eat at lunch anymore unless I washed my hands. One time, I didn’t have an option to wash my hands, so I didn’t eat lunch. That’s when I knew it was interfering with my daily life, and it was becoming a serious issue. There was another time where some guy threw up near me in the hallway trash can. My mind was spiraling. all. day. long. It felt like it was consuming me alive. Not a minute would go by where I wouldn’t think about it, and the high possibility of me catching this virus. There’s been so many other scenarios where I feel myself losing it. I’m not the best of explaining in detail how my mind feels when it spirals, but the best thing I could say is that I could feel myself slowly losing my mind. It takes over my life. I HAVE to act on my compulsive acts, if not, i’ll have these obsessive thoughts until it consumes me whole. I’ve had nervous breakdowns, panic attacks, anxiety attacks, insomnia, and it almost feels like it’s causing me to have an eating disorder. Most recently, I went to use the bathroom and saw what looked like puke on the toilet seat. I was already using it, so I just finished my buisness and rushed out there asap. I figured, if I fasted for two days, what’s there to puke if I do catch NoV? So, I did. I missed school because on the second day of fasting, I became very dehydrated. I was weak, and couldn’t move. I realized what this all rooted back to. That’s when I knew I needed help.

sanshine

Date posted: 16w

I'm scared....

𝕊𝕔𝕒𝕣𝕪 𝕚𝕟𝕔𝕚𝕕𝕖𝕟𝕥 😞𝕋𝕎𝕋𝕎𝕋𝕎 ℙ𝕃𝔼𝔸𝕊𝔼 𝔻𝕆ℕ'𝕋 ℝ𝔼𝔸𝔻 𝕀𝔽 𝔼𝔸𝕊𝕀𝕃𝕐 𝔻𝕀𝕊𝕋𝕌ℝ𝔹𝔼𝔻 𝔹𝕐 𝕋ℍ𝔼𝕄𝔼𝕊 𝕎𝕀𝕋ℍ 𝕂𝕀𝔻𝕊 hi everyone, I am really struggling with something disturbing and I'm so afraid I'm a PDF. So my sis came to visit with my nephew for the first time. So the other day we were taking pics with the baby I was already feeling kinda nervous cuz I never held a baby before. Anyway it was my turn and I like I wonder if this would sexually stimulate him( not exactly the thought but the of thought was more graphic and I don't wanna disturb anyone). And I can't remember if I thought that while I was bumping him on my stomach (like how people bump babies on their hips) or before I started doing so. Anyways I can't really remember what my reaction to that thought was or if I started bumping him before or after I had that thought... So I tried not to think much of it but over time I started to spiral really bad and wonder why I thought that and why then I would bump him on my stomach after having that thought or during. I just feel so disgusted. Like was I curious about it? Did I disregard the thought because my brain thinks disturbing things? Ik right now away from that situation that ofc I have no sexual interest in my nephew at all. I played with him and helped changed diaper and everything and never had the urge to do anything inappropriate to him besides that one weird instance. So like I'm so disturbed like did that mean something? I have P OCD but that didn't really feel like an intrusive thought? I also can be very impulsive, and if it was impulsive does that mean I had a desire? Now I'm terrified of having kids even though I wanted some or to foster some. I mean I know but myself I'm not sexually attracted to kids but then why would I think that I am so disturbed really and feel so sick. 😞😞😞😞 I don't know what to do I'm so scared about what my motivation was I feel so bad and scared😞😞😞😞

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Emetophobia & Fear of Children

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