- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 2y
Emetophobia & Fear of Children
***Mentions of emetophobia, germophobia, agoraphobia, & related trigger words/situations*** I feel like thereโs something wrong with me because I really donโt like kids, partially due to severe emetophobia (Iโll explain) & partially due to my complete lack of maternal instincts or desire to procreate. Both reasons make me feel inadequate as a human. Hereโs the deal: Iโve tried to like kids because I feel like Iโm supposed to, but they actually frighten me & make me extremely uncomfortable. Interacting with them feels completely unnatural. Iโve never been able to bond with kids, not even the ones in my own family like my cousins. My emetophobia is crippling. Kids always seem to have a contagious illness. Exposure to stomach viruses, seeing someone vomit, and having my own vomiting incident are my absolute WORST NIGHTMARES. If Iโm anywhere near a kid, Iโm terrified Iโll be infected by them whether theyโre actually sick or perfectly healthy. I canโt relax if I see or walk past a kid in a grocery store, a restaurant, or wherever because of the possibility theyโll vomit & cause me to vomit, too. I hold my breath when Iโm near them to prevent breathing in their germs. It started in daycare/pre-K/elementary school because kids would vomit in front of me every single day. Iโm not exaggerating. It was torture. I developed intense agoraphobia because I saw so many kids vomit in public places, & because I had my own traumatic vomiting incident. To be clear, Iโd never be rude to kids, but I also can never relax or enjoy being remotely near them due to my emetophobia & lack of any loving connection with them. Am I broken? Am I a bad person? Society is constantly telling women we should want kids & the fact is that I donโt want anything to do with them. What worries me is that I donโt think Iโd want them or like them even if I didnโt have emetophobia contributing to my avoidance. I donโt know if this is a related issue, but I was diagnosed with autism as well as OCD & I wonder if that affects my ability to form connections. What if Iโm a sociopath and I donโt know it? These were a lot of thoughts but I had to get them off my chest here because I feel like people on these message boards will be much kinder and more understanding than people on Facebook or Instagram.