Emetophobia & Fear of Children

***Mentions of emetophobia, germophobia, agoraphobia, & related trigger words/situations*** I feel like there’s something wrong with me because I really don’t like kids, partially due to severe emetophobia (I’ll explain) & partially due to my complete lack of maternal instincts or desire to procreate. Both reasons make me feel inadequate as a human. Here’s the deal: I’ve tried to like kids because I feel like I’m supposed to, but they actually frighten me & make me extremely uncomfortable. Interacting with them feels completely unnatural. I’ve never been able to bond with kids, not even the ones in my own family like my cousins. My emetophobia is crippling. Kids always seem to have a contagious illness. Exposure to stomach viruses, seeing someone vomit, and having my own vomiting incident are my absolute WORST NIGHTMARES. If I’m anywhere near a kid, I’m terrified I’ll be infected by them whether they’re actually sick or perfectly healthy. I can’t relax if I see or walk past a kid in a grocery store, a restaurant, or wherever because of the possibility they’ll vomit & cause me to vomit, too. I hold my breath when I’m near them to prevent breathing in their germs. It started in daycare/pre-K/elementary school because kids would vomit in front of me every single day. I’m not exaggerating. It was torture. I developed intense agoraphobia because I saw so many kids vomit in public places, & because I had my own traumatic vomiting incident. To be clear, I’d never be rude to kids, but I also can never relax or enjoy being remotely near them due to my emetophobia & lack of any loving connection with them. Am I broken? Am I a bad person? Society is constantly telling women we should want kids & the fact is that I don’t want anything to do with them. What worries me is that I don’t think I’d want them or like them even if I didn’t have emetophobia contributing to my avoidance. I don’t know if this is a related issue, but I was diagnosed with autism as well as OCD & I wonder if that affects my ability to form connections. What if I’m a sociopath and I don’t know it? These were a lot of thoughts but I had to get them off my chest here because I feel like people on these message boards will be much kinder and more understanding than people on Facebook or Instagram.

Justin E

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

First you are not a bad person. We are shaped and molded by our experiences so it would make sense that observing these things as a child could then manifest later in life. Sometimes we hold ourselves to a higher standard then we would hold others. I think having a therapist help you identify your fears relating to children could be beneficial.

Katie Bell

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@Breezy23 Thank you, friend 💖 You are kind and helpful.

Justin E

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

Not that this is the same thing. But when I was younger I passed out giving blood and later in life I had the phobia of anything to do with blood. Even talking about it was terrible. I avoided every situation in which blood was involved. I eventually had to expose myself and it definitely made a big impact on me.

Katie Bell

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@Breezy23 I’m so sorry you had that experience with blood! It sounds very frightening. I hope the exposure therapy is helping you. I’m currently working on ERP for my agoraphobia and emetophobia and I’ve actually made quite a bit of progress with my OCD and phobias for the first time ever! I love NOCD. It’s such a wonderful community and everyone is so helpful and and compassionate. You seem like a very nice person and if you’d like to connect on Instagram, I have a NOCD account at @katiebell_ocd

Sagepiginthehay

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

I don't have any advice because I just started this NOCD therapy journey, but I can definitely relate to you. I am AFAB (assigned female at birth) and was expecting to want kids of my own, but I'm like you. Lack maternal instincts (towards human babies anyway) and have emetophobia and autism (recently diagnosed). You don't have to have kids if you don't want to. Lots of people are opting out of having children for various reasons. You be whoever you want to be and do what makes you happy. Autism is not sociopathy. Sometimes we have trouble with empathy because neurotypical minds and behaviors are different from ours so it's like we are speaking different social "languages" but it's shown that neurodivergent people tend to have an easier time socializing with other neurdivergent people than they do with neurotypical folks. Interesting, right? We just do things differently, and different doesn't mean bad.

sanshine

Date posted: 22w

I'm scared....

𝕊𝕔𝕒𝕣𝕪 𝕚𝕟𝕔𝕚𝕕𝕖𝕟𝕥 😞𝕋𝕎𝕋𝕎𝕋𝕎 ℙ𝕃𝔼𝔸𝕊𝔼 𝔻𝕆ℕ'𝕋 ℝ𝔼𝔸𝔻 𝕀𝔽 𝔼𝔸𝕊𝕀𝕃𝕐 𝔻𝕀𝕊𝕋𝕌ℝ𝔹𝔼𝔻 𝔹𝕐 𝕋ℍ𝔼𝕄𝔼𝕊 𝕎𝕀𝕋ℍ 𝕂𝕀𝔻𝕊 hi everyone, I am really struggling with something disturbing and I'm so afraid I'm a PDF. So my sis came to visit with my nephew for the first time. So the other day we were taking pics with the baby I was already feeling kinda nervous cuz I never held a baby before. Anyway it was my turn and I like I wonder if this would sexually stimulate him( not exactly the thought but the of thought was more graphic and I don't wanna disturb anyone). And I can't remember if I thought that while I was bumping him on my stomach (like how people bump babies on their hips) or before I started doing so. Anyways I can't really remember what my reaction to that thought was or if I started bumping him before or after I had that thought... So I tried not to think much of it but over time I started to spiral really bad and wonder why I thought that and why then I would bump him on my stomach after having that thought or during. I just feel so disgusted. Like was I curious about it? Did I disregard the thought because my brain thinks disturbing things? Ik right now away from that situation that ofc I have no sexual interest in my nephew at all. I played with him and helped changed diaper and everything and never had the urge to do anything inappropriate to him besides that one weird instance. So like I'm so disturbed like did that mean something? I have P OCD but that didn't really feel like an intrusive thought? I also can be very impulsive, and if it was impulsive does that mean I had a desire? Now I'm terrified of having kids even though I wanted some or to foster some. I mean I know but myself I'm not sexually attracted to kids but then why would I think that I am so disturbed really and feel so sick. 😞😞😞😞 I don't know what to do I'm so scared about what my motivation was I feel so bad and scared😞😞😞😞

POCD

mamabear0202

Date posted: 17w

Irrational fears as a mom.

Hi everyone, this is giving me so much anxiety even saying this out loud because my OcD is telling me that somehow someone will know who I am on here and report me this goes with what I’m about to say about my irrational stuff. Since my baby was born I’ve had a lot of majorrr anxiety about him getting sick. From there my postpartum ocd spiked. I had this irrational fear someone would falsely report me as a bad mom and I’d get my baby taken from me. I’ve NEVER had anyone tell me I’m a bad mom, as a matter of fact, almost every day I get praised for how good of a mom I am. My child is so loved and taken care of. So why did I have that fear? it CONSUMED ME. Obsessively cleaning my house in case a social worker came. Stopped posting myself having occasional girls nights out for dinner because I thought one of my followers would think I’m a bad mom for getting a break. Not being able to talk about ANYTHING or send pictures of my baby to family and friends to update them since we live out of state because somehow I thought I would say something wrong or do something that would make someone think I’m a bad mom. I was convinced my baby was gonna be taken for zero reason. I still sometimes catch myself over analyzing myself and what I say because I don’t want to say the wrong thing and someone think I’m not a fit mom. I would even replay every scenario I remember and then second guess myself if that really happened or if I said something or not and freak out and spiral from there. with driving, if I go over a speed bump I have to double check it wasn’t magically a person. Then I panic even though I know for a fact it was a speed bump. I hate living like this. I feel crazy. I don’t open up because I feel like I’m the only person in the world. The one time I opened up about driving it was used against me. I feel like I’m drowning and I’m failing as a mom. I don’t even open up to a therapist about my irrational fear about baby being taken bc I don’t want them to think I’m a bad mom. It just doesn’t stop.

Jay222

Date posted: 14w

Uncomfortable situations

It’s scary how uncomfortable I feel around kids. Whenever I’m in close proximity of them I just feel so much dread and fear that I just wish to not be around them for the fact that I’m gonna feel or think something I shouldn’t. But wouldn’t that be an indication of something more? A few days ago I was in an uncomfortable situation where I was around one and those thoughts were there and I started to feel self aware of how uncomfortable I was, like maybe my discomfort was because I DO see them in that way and not for any OCD reason, and how I act around them just isn’t normal. I did try to just move past it like I was supposed to but it all felt wrong. And now I’m thinking “am I ever gonna be able to do anything without feeling uncomfortable around them? At what point does someone question that there’s something terribly wrong with me because of it?” Has anyone else experienced this with POCD? How do you go about it despite your discomfort?

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Emetophobia & Fear of Children

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