- Date posted
- 2y
Funeral
I am in crisis right now because my family just went to a crematorium and came back to my sister's house where I am staying. When she left she put towels in the car and she said she would come in first to see if I needed anything doing before my brother in law and mum came in. But instead my other sister, her boyfriend and my brother came in first from another car because they wanted to see my Dad and my sister who lives here, my mum and brother-in-law all came in at once and everybody started touching everything and my brother in law came in and moved two large packages of mine, bumping the side of the couch where I sit with them. I just talked it through once my brother and sister left for their homes and I am feeling a bit better and there has been some accommodation since then which I know is not ideal but this is a level of contamination to me that is beyond what I am ready for and there is still plenty worrying me. I am not looking for reassurance but help on how to try to accept the uncertainty. My panic keeps welling up then I feel numb to it. Please help. I just feel that everything is covered in contamination from deceased persons which is my worst fear. I just eed support and advice. Will I be able to cope? The reason I am also scared is because last time I was here with my family in the UK (I am squally in the US, things happened where people would not accommodate me and I couldn't cope and I ended up not being able to eat daily, went down to 100lbs or less (measured as a size 2 when I had always been an 11 or 12), was spending 12 hours a day unable to speak if I did eat because it would take rituals for me to feel clean again, and 3 hours after using the toilet so I barely slept but then would wake up crying because it would have to start all over again. So right now I need to be able to cope and shut down my brain which is trying to sort out all the possible cross-contaminations which are very many. I need to accept uncertainty, but also accept that the whole house is not now covered in contamination from the crematorium. Thank you all.