ROCD

It’s been around a week and a half since i’ve started having doubts about my relationship with my girlfriend. They subside at times when I’m not ruminating but then they come back and it’s all i think about. I’m not sure if coming on here to read other peoples feelings about their partner is reassurance seeking but when i do, it makes me feel somewhat better. The thoughts I have about my girlfriend put this negative feelings in my body that I hate. I’m questioning my attraction towards her, im questioning my love for her. Last night we talked about how she feels very disconnected from me and that we used to be so intimate together and have a strong desire for each other. I agree that that’s what it was like and that was also in the more beginning stages of our relationship. I too have missed our times when we were very intimate and passionate. But lately I’ve just had no sexual desire. Last night she also said she feels like one day, im going to have a talk with her about how I want to be just friends and that sent an intrusive thought in my head that maybe I do want to be just friends. I can’t imagine not having her in my life, I know that if I let my intrusive thoughts break our relationship, it will be my biggest regret. She’s very perfect for me, she’s funny, she’s serious, she’s mature, shes so intelligent, she’s beautiful in every way and we’ve both changed each other for the better. She’s everything I wanted in a partner. We get along so well and have so many things in common but now my brain is telling me i’m losing feelings for her and out of nowhere too. I quit vaping after being addicted to it for 4 years and that’s when i started having anxiety and doubts about my feelings. part of my intrusive thoughts tell me I was only ever excited to come home to her because she had the vape and i know that’s not true but I can’t help to wonder if it is. I love her dearly, but every morning I wake up holding her with this anxiety in my head telling me I don’t love her, I’m not attracted to her, I can’t be with her, i’m only with her because of how close we are and because she won’t have a place to stay if we breakup. But i know deep down, she’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me and she’s the most important thing in my life. My anxiety is attacking her solely because of how much I care for her and value her. I see people saying if you know breaking up will hurt them, that’s how you know you love them still but wouldn’t everyone feel bad breaking up with someone they promised everything to? I genuinely cannot imagine living my life without her, even though we’re only 19. I feel like she is my person forever, i choose her always and want nothing but the best for her. I know she just wants to love me and for me to love her but my intrusive thoughts get in the way of things she wants. I guess i’m asking how should I replenish our connection, have more intimacy, and best these intrusive thoughts?

hi! I'm really struggling with rocd right now. I have a boyfriend that I'm very in love with, and havent doubted that until now. I've been struggling with what I think is derealization, which has caused myself to feel distant from him, and like he isnt actually my boyfriend. because of this, I now I keep getting repetitive intrusive thoughts that I dont love him, and that I never loved him, and that I don't even know him. its terrifying. I've told him about this, and hes very supportive. he knows I still love him, and just wants to help me. but I'm so terrified of these thoughts to the point of almost believing them. if anyone else has struggled with this, how do you cope? I've been trying to reassure myself of my memories of him, and looking at things I do currently that show I still have love for him, but I would love some other ideas since it's still hard to convince myself. thank u!!

I believe I (currently) am experiencing ROCD. Growing up as a child, I was always double checking the door was locked, wouldn’t walk on cracks, had to count to step. I eventually grew out of it. But I feel it has grown into ROCD. I currently have a year long relationship with a person I love and has treated me very well. I have plans to move in with him and I went job seeking at his house (we are long distance) last weekend. I had anxiety the entire time. I kept telling myself, I’m scared, what if this doesn’t work, what if this is telling me to break free of the relationship, what if I’m not attracted to him, and I was avoidant because I was so scared to feel the anxiety around/with him and question it all again. Once the anxiety would settle I would cry to him about it and tell him I’m just scared and everything is caving in. But is this normal in ROCD? I found myself googling everything the weeks leading up to me going. I once told him to give me space (he is very affectionate and I am not) and very selfless when it comes to calls/texts. PLUS - long distance adds to that. With everything, I started googling it all nonstop for days and feared we aren’t meant for each other. Now when he calls I feel anxious because I don’t want to feel that “trapped” feeling of not having space again and I googled how to find common and reasonable communication with long distance. UGH just everything is scaring me and I fear my obsessiveness over it is making it worse.