I'm feeling so upset today because OCD keeps stealing my joy and my peace. When I'm having a good moment or good day, I feel like there's only a short time before the what ifs start to throw me off. I just want to be happy
My joy has been sapped from me ever since this began for me. You’re not alone. Little by little every day, that joy and your authentic self will stay present in the moment longer and longer. You got this!
Happens to me too. I have moments of normal and happiness but because my OCD is so bad, it questions those moments and those feelings.
I am sorry that you are struggling. Ocd has a tendency to to attack us at vulnerable moments, including when things are going well. I have this happen to me often when leaving for a vacation - or a long weekend for work - or a holiday. What if this or that - maybe something bad will happen - and I have learned with ERP to say maybe or maybe not - but I am going to continue to live in the present moment and enjoy it. It doesn’t magically take away the anxiety but I don’t allow ocd to tell me what I can and cannot do. I hope this helps.
A lot of people with OCD feel this same way, I know I have. Whether you’re currently experiencing anxiety/discomfort/intrusive thoughts or you’re currently feeling well but are worried OCD will come back around the corner, it’s all just another way for OCD to keep it’s claws dug in you. When you’re focusing/analyzing how you feel or don’t feel, you could be engaging in a compulsion. The best practice via ERP is that when those what if thoughts strike, lean into them and respond with a maybe, maybe not. It won’t magically make the feeling of discomfort go away, but with time you’ll stop paying as much attention to those thoughts and they might not bother you as much. I’ve found that when I focus on feeling unwell/spend time checking how I feel, it’s sometimes a self-fulfilling cycle. You are strong, you can handle this, and you’re not alone!
I want to go do something I enjoy so badly but I feel like I don’t deserve it. I’m full of guilt, shame, and anxiety. I wish I felt okay like I did a few days ago. I feel so awful right now. I hate OCD. I HATE pocd. I hate all of it. I wish this was easier. Sometimes I have the thought that I wish I was the things my OCD makes me afraid I am out of desperation to stop the anxiety, but then that thought makes me panic bc I don’t actually mean that or want that I just want the anxiety and urgency in the compulsions to stop. I’m so tired
I want to beat OCD because I have seen and felt the benefits of clearing my brain from unnecessary, pointless, thoughts. OCD is like 0 calorie food. It’s pointless. No nutrition or benefits come from my obsessions or compulsions. I don’t care to have answers to everything anymore. I catch myself just trying to stress myself out so that I have some worry to feed on. But like I said, it’s a 0 calorie food. I get nothing from it but wasted time and energy. My brain feels more spacious when I’m not consumed by OCD. I’m present. My personality has room to be herself without making space for bullshit. I tell myself now that worry is poison. I think Willie Nelson was the person I got that quote from? Anyways, that imagery of worries being poison for the mind has been transformative for me. I’m evolving. 💖 Thanks NOCD community.
So, yesterday while I was laying in bed, I was relaxing when suddenly I had an intrusive thought about someone, but the thing is that it brought me a sense of enjoyment or calmness for a few seconds before it went away. Once it did, it was only until hours later when I realized what had happened and I began to freak out because I'm reading everywhere that when someone experiences this type of thing, the anxiety happens shortly after the enjoyment or "false" enjoyment. Can OCD do this?
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