Haven’t been on here in awhile but I’m at quite a low point. Doing compulsions, checking, etc. Haven’t done that in a long, long time. I thought I was managing pretty well but I guess I wasn’t :(
Hi there! I go through a few days of feeling okay and then having some thoughts again. Just try to remember your non-engagement responses. Sometimes what helps me is going for a walk to change the scenery and to try to be more mindful of the present moment. Be gentle and kind with yourself. A lapse is not a relapse and don’t beat yourself up if you fell off the wagon for a moment. Take it one step at a time and you will get back to where you need to be. You got this ❤️
Thank you! I’m feeling very sad and hopeless at the moment but I know things will get better. I’m going back to therapy and am looking forward to getting my life back.
@Bootyyy$haker9000🕺 Happy to hear! You are taking a very courageous step and should feel proud of yourself for that. I wish you luck on your journey.
It can be super hard to have a lapse or back-door anxiety after a while of doing well. I’ve been dealing with that recently and it definitely is a bummer. Something to remember is that this is a life-long journey, there are going to be ups and downs. But it won’t last forever and you have the tools you need to continue on. Know you aren’t alone and I believe in you!
Hi! My therapist used to tell me that OCD recovery is not linear, meaning you are going to hit peaks of destroying OCD and valleys of OCD being tough. But by doing the work the projection will be positive even if bad days occur. Also with OCD recovery, you never go back to being at square one! Try not to beat yourself up over doing some compulsions, it happens. Try to learn from it and try and get back on track. You can do this!
I feel you... I'm having a bit of a lapse these past few days after a big trigger caught me out of nowhere. Trying to be as self-compassionate as I can. We're not alone 💖
I am sorry that you are having a difficult time. Like everyone has said, this is the ups and downs of ocd. There will be bad days - but the further we get into recovery - the better we are able to deal with it. You are managing well - but sometimes we all have to go back to the well of ERP. It has happened to me many times - but each time it is a bit shorter time and linger in between spikes.
My last and almost life long theme/sub-theme largely subsided recently and my ocd felt like it wasn’t even an issue. Then I went on winter break from uni and being alone made my mind come up with a whole new topic to obsess over. TLDR on my fears, my advisor wouldn’t email me back for a while about signing up for classes so my mind started to worry “what if he doesn’t in time and you can’t enroll this semester and you lose this whole life you just built and all these new friends” So when that issue was resolved my mind found other scarier ways I could be uprooted from my current life and friends that I’ve grown so attached to. Then my mind remembered back when I was struggling with false memories and scrupulosity and I essentially made a post on a forum 2 and a half years ago saying I did something or was convinced I did something that I never actually did. Now I’ve been spiraling about someone finding it reporting me and I either get seen as a horrible person or arrested or something over something I never actually did but “admitted” to out of fear of going to hell. My mind won’t let it go and keeps finding new reasons for it to be “valid” “logical” or even inevitable. I feel like it’s just hanging over my head and I can never rest easy. Especially when I try to focus on my daily tasks or plan for the future I get this horrible flair up of “why plan for the future when this could come back in that future and you get uprooted from all of it” my mind won’t rest without certainty being uprooted won’t happen but certainty doesn’t exist, at least not with ocd. This sucks and I miss being care free.
So I was doing good for about 5 months. I was going to therapy, practicing the skills, and for about the past month, I fell into a depression funk. The last week, however, has been a week of really loud OCD. I am in a constant state of anxiety and find myself doing compulsions. I'm wondering if anyone has experienced what I'm about to describe. I'm considering taking myself to the hospital, but my little boy's birthday party is this weekend and I don't want to miss it: I keep having this bad feeling like I actually want to do the bad things in my mind. I know OCD intrusive thoughts can tell you "I want to" but this just seems different - maybe it's OCD trying to come at me a new way. It's not like thoughts telling me "I want" it's like even when I tell myself I don't want to do the bad stuff, there's this nagging feeling telling me I really want to. I'm scared.
I know I am going a bit cuckoo because my period is coming up, but lately it feels like every intrusive thought I have, I *like* it. Like I genuinely feel like I like it, and then I immediately panic because I start checking. Mentally, emotionally, whatever it is. And I know that is a compulsion. I *know* that. But it feels so real that I cannot stop myself. Every single time I check, it still feels like I like the thought, and it is driving me absolutely insane. It is especially the POCD thoughts. They feel so real. I feel like something is going on mentally, like some kind of confusion or glitch, because I swear I was not like this before. I would have intrusive thoughts, and they would feel real, but not *this* real. And I do not even know if this is normal. I know OCD is **supposed** to feel convincing. That is the whole thing. But I have never experienced it to this extreme. I have never gotten the same thought so many times and still felt like, “Oh my God, I did enjoy it,” even after checking a million times. It is like no matter how many times I check, it feels like I liked it. Especially during intimacy :( and it is making me lose it. Then I start thinking, “Well, I am in distress, so maybe that is proof it is not actually me.” But right after, I am like, “What if I am only panicking because I care about what society thinks and not because I actually have morals?” And then I spiral again, wondering if maybe I just care about how I am seen rather than who I am. I am panicking so much no today. I had to take my Xanax today for the first time in two months, and I needed three separate doses. I really need some support right now.
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