NotSoNewb82

Date posted: 2y

Single forever?

No encouragement please because it wears thin. I’ve been single for 19 years. I’m not hideous, I’m a little overweight from meds but not incredibly so. Women have always enjoyed my company. I keep turning down good offers because of morals. I’ve had offers from attractive 19 year olds but I said no because I was over thirty and it felt wrong. I’ve had offers from drunk women… nope, women in relationships… nope, women have offered to have sex with me in exchange for my drugs… nope and I gave them the drugs (I’ve been clean for 7 years now). Now I have it in my head that I appear weird to them and I can’t even start conversations incase they scream pervert or something. I’m at the point (I’m 40) where I have come to terms with it. That should be depressing and I should not be okay with being single for the rest of my life but here I am settling for something I don’t want because of my illness. I know that whatever people say it won’t change a thing because they have said it for nearly twenty years and like I say it wears thin. People shouldn’t give you false hope.

Mid-life adults with OCD

iamalyssa

Date posted: 2y

Are you saying you feel weird because it seems that the only women interested in you are women in weird situations ?

NotSoNewb82

Date posted: 2y

@iamalyssa No. It’s a new thing. I was really confident back then. I feel now that if women think I’m weird then I’ll just not bother them. This should be depressing shouldn’t it? Why isn’t it?

NotSoNewb82

Date posted: 2y

@iamalyssa Sorry I’m having a moan which also won’t help. I shouldn’t vent to social media.

iamalyssa

Date posted: 2y

@Newb82 Maybe it isn’t depressing because you’re asexual? Maybe you’ve become antisocial? I used to be a social butterfly but now I’m very antisocial

iamalyssa

Date posted: 2y

@Newb82 A moan? I’m also currently venting on social media lol don’t feel bad. Sometimes you just need to let it out so you can obsess about it less

NotSoNewb82

Date posted: 2y

@iamalyssa True.

Be76

Date posted: 2y

@Newb82 I think part of the reason it doesn’t feel depressing is because it’s part of the ocd. Relationship ocd will tell you some of the worst things about yourself and others that isn’t true. I’m not gonna give advice but just say that if you can find a way to love yourself completely someone may come or at least you love yourself.

NotSoNewb82

Date posted: 2y

@Be76 I feel that at 40 it is too late. I’ll find it difficult to have children by the time I found someone if I ever did. What is the point. Because I think I’m a weirdo I don’t want to be around other people’s children. It’s just too late.

Be76

Date posted: 2y

@Newb82 Isn’t it the ocd that makes you think you’re a weirdo? We are all weird and have some sort of thinking that doesn’t fall into the “norm”. It’s a label not a deformity… I’m 46 and had a horribly traumatic divorce that is what brought out my ocd. I’ve found someone who is empathic and understanding at 46. It’s still hard but age is a number.

NotSoNewb82

Date posted: 2y

@Be76 I’m not sure I’ll bother. At least I’m not obsessing about it anymore. I have positive things in my life and I figured out how to enjoy being single long ago. I have long term projects I am working on and a potential to do some good. I do like being productive. I just have to keep it sensible.

NotSoNewb82

Date posted: 2y

@Be76 I have lots of fun with my illnesses now I think about it. I have lots of things that other people might only dream of, I should remember that. If I stay single so be it, it would be greedy to have everything.

ROCDmensch

Date posted: 2y

@Newb82 Why would it be greedy though? Doesn't everybody deserve love. Can love ever be greedy?

NotSoNewb82

Date posted: 2y

@ROCDmensch Maybe if you have other things.

Anonymous

Date posted: 23w

Struggling😢

Can having socd make you lose attraction. I have never be the girl to obsess or chase after boys does that mean I’m gay. I had crushes on them but I would rather die then have them know I like them. Plus I knew they were out of my league so even if they did like me I feel like I would say no for some reason. I have been single all my life and thinking of being in a relationship feels so weird and scary and foreign. Like I feel like I won’t be in a relationship. I won’t look good with anyone or I will feel like an imposter. Idk how to explain it. I want to feel love but all this is making me feel like I never will.

Anonymous

Date posted: 22w

Advice

As someone who has never been in a relationship it’s hard for me to envision myself in one and know what it will feel like. I feel like being 21 I’ve protected myself a lot due to insecurity. I want a boyfriend and yet I don’t it’s just all really scary for me. I never had the stupid relationship to break the ice and now I’m putting so much pressure and emphasis on things and finding the RIGHT person. Also have hocd definitely doesn’t help. I’m working on myself and doing my best. But my current feelings are: I don’t like the way I look, I can’t imagine myself with someone, and I’m never going to find someone I click with and feel good with. Any advice??????

Gato0z

Date posted: 22w

Any advice?

I feel completely unlovable. I have a difficult time getting close to people because of my OCD and I have to force myself to not compulsively seek reassurance. I feel like I’ll never find my person. I’m worried I’ll be an awful wife because of my inability to do anything. I want to show up for my partner, but I feel stuck because of my OCD. I think it’s safer to just be alone.

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