OCD Fighting Back - Harm OCD

I am fairly new to the site, but have already been able to connect with a few of y'all that are struggling with some of the same things as I am. I have had OCD for years, but I never attributed my struggles to OCD, until I started down the path of harm OCD and the intrusive thoughts. Back in the beginning of December, I had a couple of intrusive thoughts come in about "what if" I harmed my husband and then one towards my youngest daughter. I let it get me so overwhelmed that I ended up in urgent care after passing out at my in-laws due to dehydration and lack of sleep. I finally found a therapist who informed me that I had OCD and that I hadn't just suddenly become a psychopath. But, even knowing that it is OCD, there has always been that doubt, as I am sure all of you have experience with. I am working on accepting the thoughts as just thoughts and moving on with my day. I have been working on not ruminating and just telling the thoughts, "maybe, maybe not." The problem is, every day, it is like the OCD is trying to convince me why I might harm my family. Every little thing that irritates me, my brain says, "See..you're getting frustrated with your kids. It makes sense that you would hurt them." On and on it goes and then I get the thought, maybe this is what I want. Maybe I am just an angry person. Maybe I have just finally had enough. I hate the "I" statements because I have never wanted to harm anyone, let alone my babies or my hubby. But, OCD tells me that I do. Has anyone else struggled with this? I have never wanted to harm anyone. I have always tried to protect my babies and do everything I can to protect my marriage as well. I just hate that OCD seems to be trying to convince me that it's not just thoughts, but that I actually want these things.

Harm OCD

Username: Ocdmomma Ocdmomma

Date posted: 1y ago

Oh ladies! Everything you said is me 100%, I’d love to start a mom group ❤️ you’re not alone!

Username: Try2023Try2023

Date posted: 1y ago

I absolutely agree! I hate that others are struggling with the same things that I am, but I am so thankful to not be alone in it. We are in this together!

Username: blazedblazed

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

I’m not a mom but I struggled with harm OCD towards my family members too! I felt so guilty for having them and could barely sleep at night. OCD does this because it knows you love and value your family the most. The fact that you’re worried about these thoughts show that you’re a good person and you have no intention of hurting anyone. OCD is a liar and these thoughts don’t reflect your desires. I actually overcame this theme; although, I do get flare ups sometimes but it doesn’t affect me like before. I can disregard the thoughts and move on with my day. So there absolutely is hope! You can get better and live a fulfilling life so don’t give up!

Username: 0cD&ME_2O0cD&ME_2O

Date posted: 1y ago

@blazed Thank you so much for your encouraging words!

Username: Try2023Try2023

Date posted: 1y ago

Thank you for the encouraging words! I am so thankful to hear from someone who has been able to overcome it! You are a blessing!

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 1y ago

I go through the same thing. Every time I look at my kids I get a huge sense of guilt that washes over me. The logical, educated part of me knows what is happening when the thoughts come in but the ocd tries to convince me otherwise. Every time I get angry with my kids or think of something dumb like… man it’d be nice to just get up and go to the store sometimes without having to get all the kids ready. Ocd attacks and says “see, you do feel that way” “see, you do want to do the things you think of” it’s a horrible way to live i pray for everyone effected by it 😣 it has made me question every aspect of myself. When I’m in a really bad spiral I feel non existent like almost disconnected. I’m also in a masters program for licensed clinical counselor and ocd often tells me I won’t be able to counsel others as I myself am mentally Ill.

Username: Try2023Try2023

Date posted: 1y ago

I'm sorry that you're struggling too! OCD is such a bully and I just hate that so many have to deal with it on a daily basis. It has also made me question every aspect of myself. It makes me doubt everything I thought I knew about myself. I already had such low self esteem since childhood and this has just made it 100x worse. That is so awesome that you are working to become a counselor and help others! Don't let OCD lie to you. Your experience with OCD makes you even more qualified and will give you the understanding needed to help others struggling with mental illness.

Username: Cornelius123Cornelius123

Date posted: 1y ago

OCD is designed to want your attention. I have found that fighting and arguing with yourself isn’t helpful. It’s better to sit with the thoughts and let your brain get used to intrusive and anxiety thoughts. The goal is to become bored. It’s hard (even I’m struggling) but it makes it where you’re not consumed with fear. So don’t run away from your thoughts. Face your fears and show that you’re stronger

Username: Try2023Try2023

Date posted: 1y ago

Thanks for your advice! Facing my fears is one thing I have never been good at, but I am definitely working on it. I really appreciate you taking the time to respond!

Username: 0cD&ME_2O0cD&ME_2O

Date posted: 1y ago

I struggle with the same thing and it sucks! I to fear of getting angry and acting on them. You are not alone! I never in a million years would want to hurt my babies or my husband but my thoughts tell me I do. I have always struggled with ocd but didn’t know until I started getting intrusive thoughts about harm and that was my breaking point.

Username: Try2023Try2023

Date posted: 1y ago

I appreciate you sharing! Harm OCD was the breaking point for me as well. I just always thought I was a worried and an over thinker. Turns out I had been ruminating and catastrophizing for years and never knew it. Looking back, I can see all of the compulsions I would do each time I had an OCD flare up. I just wish I had realized it was OCD years ago, before it ever became harm OCD. This is by far the worst theme I have ever dealt with. It is debilitating some days. I am so sorry that you are struggling with it to. I am here if you need to talk. I will pray for you!

Username: Try2023

Date posted: 1y ago

Harm OCD trying to bring me back down

Hi y'all! It's been a month or so since I have been on here and I have been doing much better with my Harm OCD. Unfortunately, as my hormones fluctuate and I have more free time on my hands, my mind gets the best of me. Over the last couple of days, my harm thoughts have come back strong and I was broken down in tears earlier. Then, in that moment it was like my OCD was trying to convince me that the only way to make it go away is to harm my family and myself. It made me question myself even more. I have been terrified for months now that I would harm my family. Now that I am feeling stronger, the OCD has me convinced that the only way out is to do the exact thing that I do NOT want to do. Has anyone else struggled with this? OCD is the worst.

Harm OCD

Username: HopefulMama

Date posted: 1y ago

Mom with Harm OCD

Hi - I’m a Mom of 3 with Harm OCD. I’ve had OCD for a long time since I was a teen, prior to kids. It’s been harm/sexual orientation, etc. pretty much every theme at some point. My harm OCD got set off so badly by the Lindsay Clancy case back in January. It seemed to settle down for awhile and now is so bad again. I question if it’s even OCD at this point or if I’m actually an awful person wanting to do these things. I’m really struggling. The thoughts feel like urges and it’s all day long. I think of the case everyday wondering and trying to figure out if it was OCD that she had that turned into her losing control and feel sick to my stomach then panic that will be me. Any other Mom’s out there dealing with similar issues? Thank you.🤍

Username: Sharalanda_M...

Date posted: 47w ago

Harm OCD as a mother of 2 young children

I have had what I think is Harm OCD since the age of 10. My mom didn’t understand when I told her “I feel like I might kill someone” which ultimately led to me suffering in silence until the age of 20 where I was just diagnosed with GAD. Since being on Zoloft for over 10 years I did relatively well. I would have small flair ups, but was able to pull myself out of it. Now, since having my second child, I have completely relapse and I struggle almost daily. I was weaned off of Zoloft and put on Lexapro. Which seemed to work and now I’m back to square one. TL;DR My thought is that I would choke my children. It sometimes almost feels like and urge (my hands feel weird). This is the last think I ever want to do and it causes me distress to the point of panic. TW: Sucide. Sometimes I think it’s better if I’m just not here because I wouldn’t be a danger to my children. I often think about movies like shutter island and think I am like that mother. Or real some real like mother that drown her children that I saw on the news when I was a kid. It has also turned into Psychosis OCD at times where I am so afraid I am developing psychosis and that I would hurt my kids from that. Which comes with its whole own set of “rules” and fears. I’m just trying to find some confirmation that this is actually ocd or if I have something else. I’m just struggling. Thanks for reading.

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OCD Fighting Back - Harm OCD

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