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Tiredoflife

Date posted: 2y

Pornhub / pocd help!!!!😭

I’ve been really bothered by this . And feel like a monster and that I should turn myself in . So I have pocd for years and everytime I’m on pornhub I m catious if what I watch and always analyze the videos . I remember a few months back I seen a tweet about how pornhub allows cp on there . It freaked me out and I went ask for reassurance from a friend and bf and they said there’s no cp on pornhub so I believed them but still had my what ifs . So I have 3 problems I’m gonna list that has happened and has caused me distresssed and y’all can’t tell me if I should let it go 1. I remember clicking on a video , it had the word little girl or gal . I don’t remember how the title was but I know it had little in it . And I definitely wouldn’t watch a video knowing if it was a child in there . I would never do that but the fact that I clicked on the video with that title . But I feel like I clicked on it with the intentions of little as in size. And my bf has told me there’s no cp on there and that in porn “little” means size . but I still had my what ifs . 2. A girl was wearing a student alumni shirt . At first I was hesitant and idk if I searched up the meaning before or after I clicked it but I watched it . But the meaning means former student at a college or school or university. 3. Someone had the username wiz the kid and I’m like what if that was an actual underage person bc I feeel like I’ve seen adults call themselves a name using the word “kid” . Plus it had a check mark by it but then that leads me to think about I have clicked on videos without verified check but I never knew what the check mark meant . 4.As a compulsion , I would take screenshots of the videos I watch if I had what if thoughts after. and I can show my bf and he can reassure that it’s not true and that they dont lookk underage . But the sparks another worry like what if they are underage and I have screenshots in my phone which means yk the worst and that I need to turn myself in . Even tho I have no possible way of knowing if they are And then a few days ago, on twitter , I seen another post and it was about how pornhub allowed a 15 year old to be on there and many more underaged ppl . So that confirmed my worries for sure . And I’m like in a spiral .

Mariii

Date posted: 2y

Whenever i go on pornhub, i always feel like these ppl look underage, and even tho im 17, i dont watch them Dont give in to your compulsions , ik its hard But sit with the uncertainty Dont ask ur bf for reassurance That way, youre making your ocd thoughts stronger

Nicolas:)

Date posted: 2y

Same

M4ks

Date posted: 2y

The reassurance your bf gives you only makes things worse. You need to stop giving into your compulsions and sit with the uncertainty. I know it's hard, I had ZOCD. Everything your OCD tells you is wrong.

Tiredoflife

Date posted: 2y

@M4ks At*** I’ve never ever searched for stuff like that . Ever . I would never do that .

Tiredoflife

Date posted: 2y

@M4ks But like I question some of the videos I watch and wonder what if that was actually an underage person . But I have no way of actually knowing so I guess I’ll let it go .

steleven

Date posted: 2y

you can watch videos from famous porn stars only

steleven

Date posted: 2y

🫂

andrea_sam730

Date posted: 35w

I’m dealing with the exact worry :/

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EndOCD!

Date posted: 17w

I don’t know what to do

I have this same situation replaying in my head. It has to do with porn so if your young just know this may be a little graphic. I tend to use Twitter for porn and the reason I do this is it’s a lot more direct I can type in what I want to see and it’s there I don’t have to go through unknown websites and hope not to get viruses, and to be a little more specific more amateur/ real sexual experiences come up on Twitter rather than porn pages with staged written scenes. So in my use of Twitter for this there’s been times when questionable material/ illegal material has come up and never did I save it knowing it was 100% illegal or even interact with it if I knew it was 100% illegal. I was 18 or 19 at the time of this and I started to fear that in these moments I would look at these illegal videos/ sketchy videos to long when they would pop up like for example I remember seeing a video that was 100% illegal content and I was so shocked and like confused that I looked at it for a moment and then left and then I went back to look at it again just to confirm that I was seeing what I thought I was seeing I also remember seeing videos that were in a 18+ section but sometimes the girls in the videos looked like they could be 15-17. As we all know 18 year olds can look anywhere from 15-17 or even younger these days so I would be cautious and use my context clues and what I knew when watching videos that I was suspicious about but had no proof of them being illegal aside from my thoughts and the person looking young. So with this and me worrying I got super scared and hyper aware of what I was watching and now I remember me going back on Twitter to look at content that I was intending to be 18+ but all I would think about is what if something illegal would come up what if I see it and I look for to long or what if I feel attracted and I like it. And I just remember going back to Twitter to look at legal porn but it felt like I was there so that something illegal could come up to see how I’d naturally react to it. Never did I go and type in key words or type in anything illegal in fact I remember times I would strictly put 18+ next to whatever I was searching so I could be sure everything was legal but sometimes it would feel like my hope and intention was that I would see something illegal so that I could feel that anxiety rush or just to see how I would react naturally to seeing it and I feel like this would count as me intentionally looking for it so now I feel disgusting and like I committed a crime. Sometimes I just feel like I was only looking at porn because I wanted to feel that anxiety of what if something bad comes up and how would I react. I know deep down I didn’t want to see illegal content and that I was probably just feeling that I wanted to check how id feel if it did come up but now I feel like I was intentionally looking and that my whole objective was for something questionable to come up so I can see how I react. Is this ocd or did I just make a horrible decision?

Givenup

Date posted: 16w

Pocd and anxiety

I hope someone can respond... Im genuinely so triggered and so anxious... Dr disrespect was accused of inappropriately messaging and sending explicit images to a minor, and trying to meet up with them at twitchcon... my POCD is saying that my situation with me venting about 18+ explicit HOCD stuff to people in the PM's on an OCD groupchat I found from NOCD, including the minors, when I was 19, means that I am just as bad as they are... or worse... I pm'ed them from the support group and vented to them in private (including the minors) about my 18+ explicit HOCD struggles... one was uncomfortable by it so i stopped venting to her after she told me she was uncomfortable by it twice... the other gave me reassurance so i kept asking her for reassurance for my 18+ hocd struggles... I dont ever want to ever be attracted to minors in any way... I dont ever want to ever engage in any inappropriate relations with minors in any way... i dont ever want to EVER be a MAP, a P, or a gro*mer in any way... I dont ever want to be what my pocd says about me... im so scared... someone said that I need help, that I need to turn myself in, and that im hiding behind a diagnosis because of this situation... i genuinely feel so hopeless... I dont ever want to ever be a monster...

EndOCD!

Date posted: 16w

I feel so guilty

I’m worried about times when Child P*rn or suspicious porn videos have come up in the past. I tend to use Twitter for porn and it’s not the most moderated app out there but I was never looking for videos or pictures or anything related to that. Unfortunately stuff still has popped up and I’m just worried about if my reaction was perfect because I have intense POCD I want to say it’s nearly as severe as it can get so I just feel as if I remember times when something suspicious came up and I stayed for a moment to make sure I wasn’t attracted or maybe left and came back to be sure I was safe and didn’t like it and I’m afraid this counts as seeking out or engaging in illegal content that would get me in trouble. I’ve never once looked this stuff up and anyone who creates saves distributed or likes this stuff I believe deserves prison time for life but I’m just so worried that I didn’t react in the way I should’ve I’m 20 years old so I’m relatively young and I’m jus worried about what this means about me any one else deal with anything similar?

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