Anyone here with hocd that used to watch lesbian porn? I used to and now it totally freaks me out thinking that I want them. But I don’t. I haven’t watched porn in months, since this all started! I just tried watching male masturbation porn and it didn’t really turn me on...now all I can think is that female porn would... before it was never an issue, I never thought twice about it, and now I can’t stop thinking about it. Just wanna know if anyone is in the same boat? Is it possible to be turned on sexually but not wanna be with someone, at all, at the same time?

Just thought I’d share my story so far with you all and maybe see if anyone’s had similar stuff :) I had been completely straight my whole life. I’m 18 now but had had multiple girlfriends who I was very much into. I was never into guys. I was very stressed for my exams and ended up going to see Bohemian Rhapsody with some friends to chill. After seeing heaps of gay-Esque things in the film the thought popped into my head “what if I’m gay or bi” and then that’s when it started. (This was 3 months ago) I then found myself unable to hang out with my guy friends because every time I saw them I would get anxious I was attracted to them. I moved past this but I’m still constantly having an internal reasoning battle with myself about wether or not I’m into men. I then noticed a huge lack in sex drive towards women as well which scared me because being into women was a huge part of me. I have never been aroused by or enjoyed thinking about men sexually or romantically though this is what the intrusive thoughts were. This leads me to my main point which is porn. I was a heavy porn user before the ocd and I was starting to find Normal straight porn not as good. I had been watching more kinky shit eg step sibling stuff etc. I have watched gay porn multiple times since the HOCD. **potential trigger/ graphic warning ahead** and had finished both times. It happened very quickly and I just felt terrible after. I tell myself that I finished because of just the pure taboo nature of it and it was what the ocd wanted me to do since whenever I’d tried to arouse myself to men in a non pornographic way nothing had ever worked. Also when I was watching I wasn’t particularly focused on like the men themselves like I would with women when I watched straight porn. It was all very traumatising and I have to keep stopping myself from checking again to see if my reaction changes :( I’ve been meditating a lot and I’m about to start ERP on here and with my psychologist (who diagnosed me with ocd) But yeah just was wondering if anyone had anything similar with the porn thing just so I can figure out if it’s denial or whatever :) I don’t think it’s a coincidence with timing either since this all happened during exams.

Ok I have a question for y’all. After you have a good moment with a guy, like when you think about him and want to be with him and it feels good, does anyone get the intrusive thought “what if I’m romantically attracted to men but sexually attracted to women?” Because that just came up for me and it is not fun and very worrying. Because I have been aroused by lesbian porn (I did this before my HOCD intrusive thoughts started) and now I’m worried because I was aroused by that I can only be sexually attracted to women ?

i always used to want a bf soo bad and i would get so jealous and kinda sad when i saw guys being cute with their girlfriends and now i don’t even care. like i’m not interested in anyone. and it scares me bc i didn’t lose my attraction bc i still see guys and i’m like omg he’s so cute and stuff but then i ask myself if i would date him and i can’t see myself dating him. and it makes me think i don’t actually like boys. and the guy i had liked for yearssss and wanted to be close with so bad, i don’t have feelings for him anymore. anyone else with hocd have this? you still have the physical attraction but you don’t want a relationship. it’s freaking me out