acw95

Date posted: 2y

OCD related to wanting children or not

Does anyone else have intrusive thoughts about wanting children? Recently it's gone through cycles of "do I even definitely want kids" then "but what if I have a kid and regret it", "what if I can't cope because I don't have much energy as it is and it might drain me", "what if my partner isn't who I should have kids with", and finally "what if I have a kid and they have a really difficult disability that means my life becomes only about looking after their needs". I feel really awful about some of the thoughts and especially the last one. It's frustrating because I know if I got to say 50s and didn't have children I would be sad, but I feel so far away from being ready for them (currently 28) and these thoughts are only making that worse.

Relationship OCD

makeupandchi...

Date posted: 2y

I already have enough to worry about having ocd personally that’s enough to look after already

Martz

Date posted: 2y

Thank you so much i am in the same boat!!!!! I am married, and we also have fertility issues, so it's even more difficult for me.... i feel like s**t. He wants kids so much, but I am SO SCARED because...a thousand "what ifs". There are some days i feel like i want kids, that i want to be a mum, but then there are also days where I feel like "this is wrong, Idon't want to, I don't really fancy it, i don't DESERVE it" It's so friggin frustrating.

acw95

Date posted: 2y

Yep even through just writing out my post I realised they are all "what ifs" which in a way helped me realised they are part of OCD. I was doubting whether it was OCD or "real" worries (classic OCD lol). Good to know I'm not the only person this topic has latched onto

acw95

Date posted: 2y

It's also not one of those you can say "it's okay if I change my mind later" cos you literally can't 😩 which makes the thoughts all the more scary like you HAVE to figure the right answer out

Martz

Date posted: 2y

@annawint3r Yessss right??? I really, really thank you for expressing this. I felt like a weirdo. For me, I can't really "envision" what having a kid would be like for me. Sometimes i feel it'd be fantastic, i would give him/her a great life and it would be fun. But then ROCD kicks in, with "what if he's not the one you want kids with?", which is a thought that makes me feel like choking.

acw95

Date posted: 2y

@Martz I absolutely relate. I get this same worry.

Martz

Date posted: 2y

I also thought, " is a desire a REAL desire, if i feel so unstable about it?"

acw95

Date posted: 2y

I think I am starting to become more at peace with this one. I've come to realise I can feel all kinds of ways about something I know I do want to do/not do. I'm not quite sure how I've got to this point, I guess I realised that for me if I am feeling relatively calm then my "true" thoughts/feelings/desires come through whereas the fear based ones tend to come through when I'm feeling activated in some way (anxious or stressed or tired or something). Bear in mind that might just be me though, I don't want to trigger you or anyone else into thinking that this is "The Way" into knowing what your real thoughts are about something

Martz

Date posted: 2y

@acw95 Of course, thank you. Good for you, i think you reached a good point! One problem for me is, I never thought of myself as "anxious". It's like, now i have to deal with it for all my life? What if I always had it and it obstacled my big life decisions?

acw95

Date posted: 2y

@Martz Well I suppose maybe it did affect your life, maybe it didn't! We cannot know for sure. All we can do is go forwards and learn how to cope with it and ultimately heal it. I do believe it doesn't have to stick around forever. Not to say that we won't ever feel anxious (that's impossible) but there are ways of making it definitely manageable.

Martz

Date posted: 2y

@acw95 I was also thinking, this can relate to what you experience: (ofc this is "true" for me as I am religious) that what comes from God (meaning, your "calling") comes with peace, whereas what does not come from God, comes from fear. The problem is, sometimes I fear one decision, sometimes I fear the other!!! 🤣lol

acw95

Date posted: 2y

@Martz I like this! But I know what you mean about the flip flopping of our fear 🤣 ugh

Anonymous

Date posted: 17w

Moms with HOCD

I have HOCD and my biggest dream is becoming a mother. However, with my intrusive thoughts/images I’ve stopped trying to conceive. Is there any other people that has been going through this same fear?

kitchensink234

Date posted: 15w

Wanted or unwanted thoughts?

Help! My OCD has caught onto this thought for awhile and I keep spinning on it. I know you are supposed to follow your values and what your actions suggest with OCD, but what if that is even blurry right know? For example my whole life I wanted to be with a man, and now my OCD is having major intrusive thoughts about women. How do you tell if those thoughts are wanted or not? I can’t figure out if I like the thoughts or not. I’m trying to live the life “I want” but what if I don’t know what that is?

caffelattino

Date posted: 14w

pocd?

I'm 21 and eventually I would like to have a child. I am terrified about the fact that I could have sexual thoughts about them... So now I am filled with intrusive thoughts. How should I respond to these? "So yes, what if I will have intrusive thoughts about that?" But im terrified because a normal person shouldnt think about even that at all. I am so scared. I cannot respond "what if" because this is too serious and it makes me so bad if i respond "what if"

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OCD related to wanting children or not

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