I need advice

I am a very selfless person. I tend to put others before me and I’m working on that but in general I think it’s always best to consider others before you act on things because you don’t want to hurt anyone. I am involved with someone who is opposite of me in that way. They don’t care if something bothers me or negatively affects me, depending on what it is. If it doesn’t make sense to them, they will continue to do the thing even if I explain with reasons why it bothers me. And typically it’s about social media/girls, because in the past we had those issues. And yes trust is the biggest part and i trust him to a certain extent. But it’s not just trust, it’s about how he isn’t even willing to compromise this thing for me. He constantly does it and it’s in my face and I have to see him under every girls photo of girls I dislike or going out and adding every girl he meets, he is an overall VERY friendly person, I know this about him but I genuinely hate that it involves girls. And i just told him we needed to talk but I just don’t even know what to say anymore. I know that if I can’t handle it, I can leave, but I know it is a stupid reason to walk away over Instagram. But it isn’t only over Instagram, it’s the mere fact that he simply hears me and goes and does it anyway because he says “he can”. He said word for word “I do it because I can”. And feels it’s controlling for me to expect him to make me feel comfortable at the expense of him….. deleting girls…. Or not adding them….

Relationship OCD

justgottaknow

Date posted: 2y

He’s being incredibly disrespectful to very normal boundaries. I’d give him a “I feel uncomfortable when you like/comment on other women’s photos because it feels like you value those actions more than my feelings. I would feel more comfortable if…” and set your boundary. If he can’t respect a boundary like this, how will he handle more critical boundaries in the future? Ps… my fiancé is the MOST social guy ever and is very handsome so women love him, but he doesn’t feel the need to do this. Your man can be social without these actions. Ps #2… “because I can” is so immature and childish, it’s honestly embarrassing for him if he uses that to explain his actions.

Anonymous

Date posted: 2y

@justgottaknow I completely 10000000% agree with you. Especially the “because I can” I work with preschool kids and half the time they do stuff they shouldn’t their reasoning is “because I wanted to” and then they do it again. It’s sad having that comparison with a 26 year old man. He thinks ig is immature to be upset over but it isn’t when he’s caused me to feel the discomfort with that app in general and it’s always girls. I never cared about like Instagram models cuz they don’t even know he exists, he follows girls who live in town and who he has went out to clubs with his friends with or girls at bars and it’s just stupid. I told him I never see him adding guys after a night out? He knows realistically the behavior isn’t okay and since we aren’t officially dating he doesn’t think it matters but the point of us seeing each other right now is to see if it’d work long term and I can’t trust him fully if he isn’t willing to show he can compromise stuff for me.

Anonymous

Date posted: 2y

@justgottaknow I literally went to Portland and this guy asked for my # and I gave him my Instagram, out of petty-ness and felt so much guilt from it (ocd guilt and also it just isn’t me to do that) and I deleted the guy the next morning and yet he’s on his shit adding girls still.

justgottaknow

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous Yeah nope!! I’m 28 and was with my guy at 26. Him saying you’re being immature is a defense mechanism to avoid having to hear your feelings and address something that bothers you. If caring about things on Instagram so immature, why is he on it? Sounds like he isn’t worth your time. He’s showing you his inability to respect your wishes nice and early! Way better than getting into a long term relationship and finding out later on!

Anonymous

Date posted: 2y

@justgottaknow Yeah just tried to talk to him and he said “I’ll listen but I won’t be responding much and you can’t force me to have a conversation about social media. We don’t see eye to eye on this and we never will”. So yeah. I didn’t even really get a word in.

justgottaknow

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous He isn’t worth your time. Either he doesn’t care about your feelings or is actually doing something sketchy. With how our OCD brains work, he is a recipe for you to be in pain. I dont know anything else about your relationship with him, but based on this, I’d say you should just drop him from your life.

Anonymous

Date posted: 24w

𝔸𝕕𝕧𝕚𝕔𝕖. 𝔸𝕊𝔸ℙ 𝕡𝕝𝕖𝕒𝕤𝕖.

Some of this isn't about ocd. But it causes a lot of ocd problems. And what I'm asking you for is your opinion and what you would do in this situation. So my boyfriend chooses porn over me a lot. He's a hurt teenager and he's went through a lot. Child abuse. Cocsa. Drunk parents. Split parents. He has about 10 siblings and generally has went through so much. But he has a serious porn problem. Which is concerning especially the fact we are teenagers, and he's dating me. In no way whatsoever am I leaving him. Although I need people's opinions. I've communicated about the problem. I've told him how it makes me feel so shit and hurt. And I feel insecure. But what he does is he just stops telling me if he watches is, but then I can tell from his change of behavior and the lying hurts more. And everytime he tells me he's going home (we are long distancced) I INSTANTLY panick, I beg to call him. I try to distract him. I beg him not to watch porn. And it's so damaging me. And I hate it so much but I love him so much and I know he doesn't want to hurt me. And. Sometimes it feels like when he says "I love you" and stuff, it feels like it's not coming from the heart. For example if you where in school and your fellow classmate got forced by a teacher to apologize to you. You would obviously know the class mate doesn't mean it. But there just saying it. That's how I feel with my boyfriend. It feels like I'm forcing him to say he loves me. Like I'm forcing him to talk to me. It's been half a year now we have been together. He crys if I ever bring up leaving him, and I don't wanna leave him. I feel like I've done EVERYTHING to fix this. Yet I'm STUCK. so please. If anyone has any ideas I can try I will. Or any opinions, or even harsh truths. You can be mean. Anything. Thank you so much.

Relationship OCD

daisy1728383

Date posted: 22w

Is this controlling ?

Hi guys me and my partner have been together for 4 years, he used to suffer bad with rocd however has now made a good recovery with minimal struggle. Back story my ex and his ex used to be controlling with each other to the max When me and my boyfriend got to together I did think he was controlling however 4 years later he’s now not however he’s been recently asking me to remove all men I don’t know that follow me on insta unsure if this is controlling? I have 2.5k followers post a photo about twice a year and when I do it’s either of me and him , selfie or our dog. It feels wrong he’s asking me to remove all men I told him that and he said to just remove all good looking men instead if I don’t want to loose lots of followers advice please

AnomyousOctopus

Date posted: 18w

Not OCD related, just need advice.

I'm 20F, recently my 20M partner broke up with me. It was not a quick and done break up, it was more of a "we're not working" and a "we can fix this" and just non stop switching. From both of us. I don't think he is trying to hurt me, or even trying to lose me. He's an avoidant, runs from any sign of conflict or serious discussions. So ultimately, he stopped showing any sort of emotion, and completely started acting like nothing bothered him. We still text, in all honesty this is not anything to do with me or even our relationship, he's just in a very poor mental state. He doesn't have a ton of people he trusts, because of the fact he pushes people away. I'm trying to gain his trust, so that we can get to the point of a true discussion and let him feel like it's okay to break down those avoidant walls. I'm kind of going through hell though. But I know it's not an issue with me, I know it's about him. And I'm okay sticking around and comforting him even while I'm hurt. He cheated on me earlier in the relationship. Over social media, texting past girls he knew, hooked up with, or even strangers, and watching porn. I obviously was extremely hurt, but his apology was very sincere and ever since that happened, he actually abided by all my boundaries I set up. No social media, no bars, nothing until I trust him. He did listen and he did put in the effort. I've forgiven him for what he did. He told me in the beginning he has trouble committing. I'm his longest relationship, which was only about 5 months. I want to be able to get it to him that I will walk away if he does not commit to changing. If anyone is an avoidant, or has successfully healed with an avoidant please reach out. As much as you'd like to say "You're worth more, leave him.", he is a good person. He needs help and I care for him. Leaving is not an easy option for me to make

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