need advice!

Hi everyone, I don’t have my first meeting with a therapist for a couple weeks and just need some advice. although i do not have an official diagnosis, i have definitely been struggling with SOOCD for about a month now and it’s tormenting me. Reflecting on my life i definitely have always struggled with anxiety and other themes (health, harm, etc.). About a month ago one of my female coworkers told me she had a crush on me and i didn’t think much of it, then i woke up a few days later and started getting intrusive thoughts about “what if i’m gay?” and “everyone thinks you’re gay, that’s why she has a crush on you?” and since then the thoughts have gotten much worse and frequent where they feel almost constant. They cause me tremendous distress and anxiety and it’s gotten to the point where i’ve been nauseous and fatigued for days. I even had a panic attack at work the other day which was very out of the blue for me. I have absolutely nothing against gay people at all, I’m just terrified that my thoughts are turning me gay and “what if i’ve been in denial all this time”, though i’ve been straight my whole life. I’m scared my therapist is just going to tell me i’m in denial, and i’m also scared that i am/will lose attraction to men which has never happened to me before. I recently stopped birth control pills after many years and my brain is now trying to convince me that i’ve turned gay because of my changing hormones. My life has been so miserable since this started and i want it to stop so bad, i wish i could just go back to how things used to be. No matter what i tell myself about these thoughts, i can’t seem to believe there isn’t truth to them. Any advice would be much appreciated, thank you!!

Sexual Orientation OCD

IwillconcureOCD

Date posted: 2y

You are not alone, I have experienced sexual orientation ocd for nearly 15 years (only been in therapy since June last year) - honestly it can get so much better, it may not seem like it right now but it will - you just need to do the work in order to get better (ERP). A good therapist will not tell you if you are or aren’t gay - instead you will be exposed to your fear over and over to reduce the anxiety - a thought is just a thought - I understand what you mean by your thoughts convincing you that you are gay - I’ve been there but if you think about it - if you were to tell yourself something everyday - you are going to be convinced by it. You are safe, you are not alone in what you experience and you can do this 💪🏻

KES33

Date posted: 2y

@Embraceuncertainty2022 thank you so much for sharing, this helped me a lot. it’s nice to hear it will get better—i’m definitely willing to put in the work, even though it seems very scary!

TM_

Date posted: 2y

I just wanted to add on to what was already said. You’re not alone. My OCD focused on sexual orientation about 8 years ago. (Also had health, harm etc previously but didn’t realize I even had ocd). I’ve had all of the same thoughts you described and what’s seems like an endless amount more. We all can relate I’m sure. When it first came on I was waking up with intrusive thoughts and they would last all day, I was having panic attacks, not leaving my place, not watching things on tv, going over my past, present etc. Then, I heavily started my own erp as well as meditation. HEAVILY! It helped a lot. It does get better if you work at it and stay it. To echo the above. You are safe, you’re not alone, and you can do this!

KES33

Date posted: 2y

@TM_ thank you so much, it helps to hear someone can relate so closely. do you mind sharing some of the things you did that helped you? i’ve definitely been considering starting meditation at least.

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