Relationship OCD?

I am in a relatively new relationship (around 2 months) and it has been completely virtual due to varying circumstances. I have never been in a serious relationship before and my past “exes” have never been this serious or brought up any of these feelings. About a month in I started having tons of symptoms and thoughts I figured were due to an SSRI change (i eventually went back to my original med/dose) however, it has remained quite bad since. Thoughts include: -I don’t actually like my partner, I just like the feeling of being wanted -I have crushes on other people, including my partners friends who I barely know -I don’t feel butterflies so I must be losing feelings for him -I think he’s ugly/im just not attracted to him -I’m secretly a lesbian and I’m wasting his time by being with him -a general feeling of dread, wrongness, or needing out of the relationship -not being able to believe him when he reassures me about everything -all of the above is just my genuine feelings and I’m using ocd as an excuse These are obviously crazy things to think, however one of my biggest compulsions is confession and self sabotage so I have told my partner all of these things in detail. He’s really great and patient about all of it but I can tell it weighs on him. Hes even recently expressed feeling like it’s his fault and that he wonders if it wouldn’t be this bad if I was with someone else. I feel so miserable but i feel like I’d be miserable in any relationship but im scared that’s not the truth and my ocd isn’t real. When it’s good i feel the most romantic love for him I’ve ever felt toward anyone ever. He’s an incredible person but I just feel so alone and lost on what to do. I’ve literally tried to break up with him like five times and each time we’ve ended up wanting to stay together. I’m really really scared I’ll never get better or this is simply the wrong relationship for me.

I don’t even know where to start. Hey. I’ve been experiencing what I think is rocd for like 4 months now and it’s rlly hurting me. So me and my bf have been to together since November of last year and this is the best relationship I’ve ever been in (albeit it’s my first SERIOUS relationship) we have so much fun together, we show each other love and comfort, we play together and we spend almost every day together (we’re long distance so I mean fting) and I love spending all this time with him. I love waking up all call with him and falling asleep on call with him. I just love being around him for the most part. But there’s also a part of me that is constantly on the fence on whether I love him or not for a multitude of reasons. Like sometimes I feel nothing towards him. Like not even a slight warmth or affection. When that happens I’m usually rlly depressed, anxious and feel so guilty. And then there’s also times where if he txts me I’ll get this rush of anxiety and feel this knawing in my stomach. And also sometimes I’ll just be pissy at him for no reason. Almost like I’m annoyed at him for being alive. It feels like a mix of annoyance and anxiety. I feel so bad and always treat him kindly even with that feeling. Most of the time it’s cuz I’m jealous which I am VERY prone to jealousy and it’s the main problem in our relationship. Which also makes me think I don’t love him. I’m almost always worried I don’t really love him. I’ll get thoughts like “I’ve fallen out of love” or “what if I don’t really love him I love the idea of him and that’s why I get annoyed so easily” and it’s a lot of what if are relationship is a fraud or what if I don’t love him. And the thing is I really wanna love him. He’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me and care abt him so much and sometimes I feel like none of this is real cuz how could I not absolutely love and adore a man who loves me and is so perfectly imperfect. I love him but I don’t know if I love at the same time. Like sometimes I’ll cry and just repeat I love you over and over again to picture of him but then I think “you’re just lying to yourself”. I’ve been diagnosed with OCD specifically religious and spiritual OCD but this is the first time I’m experiencing ROCD I’m even starting to question if I loved my dead cat mainly cuz I’ll try to be like well I loved my cat and I still got mad at her but then I think “maybe I didn’t love her” which makes me think I dont love either of them. Whenever I get like this I also google a lot of stuff like quiz’s and forums and Reddit to try and find an answer to if I love him and to soothe myself. idk I’m just exhausted. Ik this isn’t the place to vent abt my relationship problems so I’m sorry abt that. I’m also having problems with retroactive jealousy and the fact that most of my friends don’t like my bf cuz one of there friends was talking to him for a bit and he was like obsessive so they don’t like him and that makes my stomach feel weird and makes me kinda mad at him for ever talking to her. I just wanna love my bf and him love me. Ig I’m asking if this sounds like ROCD and if so what do I do? I’m so tired of feeling like this. I just wanna love my baby boy.

I’ve dealt with ocd themes for as long as I can remember, POCD, HOCD, false memory, the feelings of having to confess something, washing certain body parts a specific amount of times, all of it I am still pretty young and I just got into my first relationship. I always knew ROCD existed I just never had the chance to have an experience with it 😭 and here I am. I really do think I have an anxious attachment style. But it’s also like I constantly worry if I’m too much or if i should not be in a relationship or if I rlly love my partner like I tell him. I am sensitive and very communicative so when things bother me I like to communicate them but then I worry that I do too much or I worry that it isn’t normal to find this many things wrong so early in a relationship. I also worry if he doesn’t like me or if he Will get tired of me, but those thoughts are easier to get by. The hard thoughts r the ones where I doubt my feelings for him. My mind feels like a MESS! And it’s harder because we only see eachother once a week. This may be heaven compared to other ppl who struggle with real long distance but for me the time in between gives me a lot of time to nitpick things that aren’t even real problems and create a sense of a toxic relationship that isn’t even real! The only times where I feel like maybe it’s all in my head are when. I see him and the days after, but when it gets long it gets rlly hard. I rlly do love him and he gives me reassurance when needed but I can’t help but focus on the negatives when little things bother me, especially when we are apart from eachother and jsut texting. Texting is hard because then there is the obsession over waiting to see how long he will take, not knowing the tone of texts, and being able to over analyze every conversation we’ve had. I also do mental checks to help me reassure myself that I love him 😭 like when’s the last time he made me laugh, what are some nice things he’s done that I rlly liked, and jsut trying to actively acknowledge everything he’s done so I can stop panicking abt the fear that I don’t love him. It’s literally only been 2 months of us dating so the fact my ocd is so early onset annoys me so bad because I rlly do feel like I am still in the crucial stages of a relationship where we are learning how to love eachother, so there should be some ups and downs and minor arguments while we get over this phase… but I can’t help but wonder what if these little things just mean I hate him? It’s extreme but I worry and the reels and tik toks I see about people realizing they don’t love their partner make it all bad!