My OCD fear of going to sleep

I struggle with insomnia. To me, falling asleep is like dying, because I do not know anythjng that is going on around me while Im asleep. To me that is like being dead. When Im falling asleep, to me it feels like I'm going unconcious. I feel like Im leaving this world when I go to sleep, even though I'm still in the world, just asleep. To me being asleep is me checking out mentally. My brain is not dead, but its not active like when I'm awake, so to me, I feel like me being asleep is like I'm brain dead, even though I'm not. I am so sleepy right now! I'm fighting sleep so hard, but I'm on a new medication for my bipolar disorder and it is helping the mania, but tonight my anxiety is stronger than the medication that makes me sleepy several hours after i take it. I took the medicine at 10:30pm. I should already be asleep by now. I've been sleepy for hours. I just feel like crying because I am so sleepy. I just want to go to sleep, but I'm too afraid of not being alert and awake to give up the fight and just close my eyes. But I think I am going to have to go to bed and close my eyes, because it is painful for me to try to keep my eyes open any longer. I may just cry myself asleep and i may leave the radio on low to help me stay alert until the very last second before I fall asleep. If only I could close my eyes and be asleep without feeling myself fall asleep. I hate the feeling of falling asleep. My medicine is fighting the mania, and my anxiety is fighting the medicine. I'm caught in the middle, of the battle my anxiety is having with my medicine, and me, well, I'm just tired of fighting. I'm tired of fighting, the mania, depression, ptsd, anxiety and ocd, but I'm not giving up, because i start therapy at nocd 03-29-2023. i hope this post makes sense, I'm so sleepy it's hard to think, see clearly and type. I just wonder if anyone reading this, has fought sleep like me? And what helps stop the fear of going to sleep? or what helps you go to sleep? How do I make falling asleep, not feel awful and scarey?Falling asleep physically feels bad to me.

"Pure" OCD

Hopeful soul

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

I have similar situation and I get scared before bed but what’s working for me is to do nothing about the intrusive thoughts. I look at them and let them go away without resisting. Then I start thinking about me going for a walk to the beach or something pleasant and then I fall asleep. It’s important to keep regular sleeping schedules

Bronsautracks

Date posted: 2y

@Hopeful soul I’ve tried this in the past, but instead of walking on a beach I was writing fanfic in my head 😅 which is a little embarrassing but it worked while I was interested. When I wrote the scene I kept using to fall asleep in real life, I stopped being able to go to it for sleep and haven’t found a story as effective since

Bronsautracks

Date posted: 2y

I have the same issue with insomnia. It must be hell with bipolar disorder. The later it gets too, the more anxious I become that I will also sleep too long and miss something. My BD1 spouse shares my problem when manic, and ends up rapid cycling with all the anxiety he experiences. So sorry you’re going through it. I wish I had a tip but I’ve had this insomnia for 17 years and idk the answer yet ;-;

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