I’ve had one of my worst days sense OCD has started a little over a year ago, my OCD is telling me that I’m not happy with my life, as in having kids & happy with my marriage..which is made me depressed which is then triggered my suicidal ocd bc I also worry about that. Today has been horrible nonetheless..anyone have any encouraging words?
Last week I was a mess. I had repetitive thoughts of “everyone would be happier if you killed yourself.” It was so hard but I learned through a week of sitting through it that I can handle it and the longer I’ve sat w it the lighter and less strong they’ve become.
And when you had that thought does it feel like its what you believe? When i have these things it feels like its what i learned, its what i value and i cant decide if its ocd or im really in danger of suicide... im currently feeling that
@PRIV8 I tried to ask myself if these felt urgent, repetitive , scary, black and white thinking, etc. I’ve learned you cannot go based off “how you feel” because ocd can make you feel like you need to do something or you have an urge. I sat with the feelings and eventually after nearly a week they decreased significantly
I talk it through with my therapist. They are the only one I share it with or my spouse bc most ppl don’t understand ocd.
I talk with my therapist too but i dont understand that she think i have ocd or i do have real suicidal thought too...
I have suicidal ocd and it’s really hard. I try to tell myself Yknow these thoughts can be here and try to go about my day as normal. Easier said than done. But you got this. Remember what resists persists. I also learned that the amygdala is what make a false alarm and that your common sense usually comes in a half second later. Sometimes I’m just like yep there’s that alarm .
@artsygirl What are your suicidal ocd thoughts like? Mine same very discouraging and usually I brush them off but today it has been so bad. Thank you very much this has helped alot
So you handle it like a normal suicidal thought... and how you deal with guilt? I always end up confessing to someone cause if its real then you have to share it to someone,.and dont suffer alone with this...
@PRIV8 Yeah, I don’t tell anyone about my ocd other than my therapist or my wife. They won’t understand, I told my mom about it and she had no understanding of it. As, to what she said above. Totally agree…if you have other themes try to compare the feeling of the theme to the one you currently have and it’ll make you realize it’s OCD just disguised as another worry.
@Kids4Christ I do it and i dont feel like it is...i feel like sometimes i really want to give up. And ocd is ego dystonic, i think i might have values like if something is hard then quit...if its hard you dont have to suffer... i learned this as a kid so mine doesnt seem like ego dystonic thoughts...
@PRIV8 That ego dystonic comment is out contex, if you’re someone who loves your children, loves family, is a gentle hearted, doesn’t want to calm harm to anyone…usually your OCD would attack that. Like I love my family and that’s what my OCD attacks the most, I value life and value my health, and that’s what my OCD attacks the most. That’s what ego dystonic means. OCD can be hard man and can make you at times feel hopeless and that’s normal..being suicidal and having passive suicidal thoughts are different. A lot of people have the passive suicidal thoughts..as in “Man, this is horrible..I’m probably better off dead or people are better off without me” those are normal but still very bothersome. Being suicial is having a plan set, and wanting to take action. I hope that helps.
@Kids4Christ Anytime I have a suicidal intrusive thought..I’ll literally cringe and say no, no, no…it’s became a compulsion like if I don’t do it then it means i really want too. Tryin to work on it.
@Kids4Christ Mines gets so bad that when i get that thought that it would be better off dead, then my mind is like "do it now, you can do this or that, dont care about anyone, do this or that" and its like a plan. I just sometimes cant decide if its ocd or active suicidal plan...and the urges...
@PRIV8 And i love my family and i get these thoughts when im angry at them... or i get the thoughts like "fck everyone" but then im sad
@PRIV8 That’s part of Ocds trick, you wondering rather it’s ocd or not may be your answer. I’m not a therapist but thoughts can come any in form. If you’re trying to push them away & not want them id say it’s OCD
@Kids4Christ Yeah thats tricky too cause today i woke up depressed and like i give up, and felt hopelesa about the future and these thoughts came. My reaction was that i want relief from ocd, some would say this is ideation...
@PRIV8 Wanting relief from ocd isnt ideation. That’s a normal feeling. Everyone on here wants relief, doesn’t mean you want to kill yourself or have an idea too. I want relief as we speak, and have been depressed all week and I wish it would go away but I don’t want to kill myself or die.
@Kids4Christ I dont know how your suicidal ocd is but mine went even further like "if you would die, you would be at peace, living is suffering" and i felt like i enjoy it and i feel peace but then i felt like im ill in my head or something isnt right with me and i felt in danger... sometimes its really hard to tell what is it, and saying its ocd feels like i just say it to not feel bad
so I need to get back into ERP, but it’s so hard to manage these thoughts and learn to deal with them. like I swear my mind has to make everything about it. Like every time I clean my room, my mind’s like yup make sure it’s clean so when your parents find you, or something so stupid like if I get a headache, my mind convinces me that I like the pain and that that’s why I get my thoughts because I actually want to do it. It’s so exhausting. Because I know I would never want to take my life and I treasure my life so why does it do it to me? It’s hard to comprehend the fact of these thoughts too because I don’t know many people with this exact theme. It’s such a scary feeling. And I’m constantly questioning whether I have actual depression or if it’s just my OCD. Yes I have been diagnosed with suicidal OCD, but my mind still tries to convince me otherwise. I just don’t know how to let these just sit and pass without panicking.
so I need to get back into ERP, but it’s so hard to manage these thoughts and learn to deal with them. like I swear my mind has to make everything about it. Like every time I clean my room, my mind’s like yup make sure it’s clean so when your parents find you, or something so stupid like if I get a headache, my mind convinces me that I like the pain and that that’s why I get my thoughts because I actually want to do it. It’s so exhausting. Because I know I would never want to take my life and I treasure my life so why does it do it to me? It’s hard to comprehend the fact of these thoughts too because I don’t know many people with this exact theme. It’s such a scary feeling. And I’m constantly questioning whether I have actual depression or if it’s just my OCD. Yes I have been diagnosed with suicidal OCD, but my mind still tries to convince me otherwise. I just don’t know how to let these just sit and pass without panicking.
I have had suicidal OCD for over a year now. I just am struggling to fight it tonight. I just have an enormous amount of self doubt and I can’t stop wondering if I’ll ever make it through this or not. My life is great but I just feel miserable every day. Any encouragement helps. Thanks
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