cheating

I think whether or not you realize it, you are asking for reassurance here which is ultimately not what will help you. I see your struggle though, i can see that your obsession is him cheating and your compulsions are to check his phone. At one point that satisfied your compulsions but it no longer does (typical ocd, feeding and needing more) so you are questioning other aspects of the relationship and wanting reassurance. Your brain knows what is and what is not possible. Ultimately, you cannot control what your partner is doing when you are not looking and you should not try to. This will only feed your obsession and make things harder for you and ultimately probably have a negative effect on your relationship. If you feel the need to do any compulsion or “figure anything out” you must stop if you want the urges to stop. I know it is terrifying but it is KEY to peace for yourself. asking for reassurance is more often than not a compulsion. You must learn to let things go, it will be scary and uncomfortable at first but soon enough it will lead you to the most beautiful freedom internally. I hope things get easier for you. You are strong!

You love him and he loves you, don’t let your OCD turn something beautiful into something anxiety ridden. You’ve got this! Practice not acting on these compulsions and practice not ruminating.

I’m a believer that people can change in a relationship and with their significant other. I think when we get into romantic relationships, unfortunately we are gambling with the fact that there is always a chance we could be cheated on. We can’t sit around and wait for it to happen and cause so much anxiety and resentment on our relationship though. Not only can this affect the progress of our relationship, but it goes against the values of being in a relationship. It’s painful to think that there is a possibility our partners could end up leaving us or hurting us, but unfortunately that’s something we have to accept the potential of happening. We cannot control our partner, and we cannot control their actions. What we can do, is stand by our values and remind ourselves that IF an affair were to happen, are we strong enough to remember that we deserve better. Can we still follow our values and be good to ourselves. That is the importance of a relationship. You’re two different people, and you can only control what you do in the relationship.

I am so sorry that you are feeling this way. Have you done any OCD treatment in the past? I would highly recommend this to help with feelings of uncertainty and doubt. It can be so manageable.

I have a similar obsession! My partner and I are both 22, and she recently told me that she cheated on a boyfriend once when she was a teenager. She's changed a lot and felt awful when it happened-- and I truly don't believe she'd ever do that to me. My issue, more so than would she ever cheat on me, is that my OCD questions whether or not she's a good person because she cheated in the past. It makes me question her morals and ethics and wonder how she could ever do such a thing. Then that starts spiralling into "well could she do it to me?" The joke is, my real brain knows and loves my partner and completely trusts her, and I think she's a wonderful person and everyone makes mistakes and has the ability to grow and change, but oh boy does my OCD like to thrive off of the details of her past. It can be really hard, but just try to remember to live in the moment. Your partner loves you and you love him.