the hardest day of my entire life

i think today has been the hardest day of my whole life. i’ve never ever felt this way before. i’ve been posting on here a lot recently which i feel bad about but i don’t have many people to talk to. my anxiety is worse than it’s ever been before. my entire body fills with dread any time i have a thought about something that even slightly bothers me. i had a five hour long panic attack that lead to me using the SOS button and just hyperventilating and sobbing while i was trying to pay attention. something needs to change. i was thinking of doing my free consultation on here today, but i decided that i wasn’t in a good enough headspace for a simple consultation so i’m going to do it tomorrow. i keep reminding myself that it will pass and it’s all temporary, but it’s so hard. i’m also with drawling off of my medication so that’s making things worse. i feel like if i stop talking i’m going to cry again lol. but maybe i just need to sit in that

Young adults with OCD

Amber R

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

Hi Saturn, First, I am so sorry you are struggling so hard + having such a terrible time. Anxiety is such an isolating, terrifying thing. And it makes us feel like everything is wrong and will never be right again. Like there are dangers and threats around every corner. But I promise you that you won’t feel this way forever. Anxiety feels like it will last forever, but it won’t. Try your best to acknowledge the pain, the fear, the dread, and let it rise + fall on it’s own. I know, it’s hard when your anxiety is that loud. There’s nothing wrong with crying, I do too when my anxiety is high. Try to remember that panic attacks are just big dumps of adrenaline in our brains. Sometimes getting up and out of the area you’re in (i.e. walking to another room or going for a walk) helps, same with splashing your face with cold water. Don’t feel bad about posting on here, community is important and that’s what this space is for! It’s important to remember that we are not alone, especially because anxiety/OCD can make us feel like we are alone. I definitely recommend doing the free consultation. Doing therapy here helped me understand the disorder + gave me the tools I needed to fight back. You don’t have to be ready for the call, just do it. We are here for you and I believe in you. Try to get some rest sweet friend 💜

Anonymous

User type: Staff

Date posted: 2y

I am so grateful that you found this community! Please don't feel bad about posting, that is what we are here for. We all have experienced similar things and are here to try and support you as much as we can. I hope that you do call for a consultation, even if it feels hard or scary, especially if it's difficult- because that is what you need to do for yourself, please know that you are not alone. Know that there is effective treatment available.https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/heres-why-therapy-may-seem-scary-when-you-have-ocd

LowellT

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

I fully understand your struggle. I have shed tear and sweat from anxiety due to OCD. Through the help I received through NOCD it had gotten much better. If you haven’t yet made the call to NOCD. call them. If OCD isn’t treated it will keep taking bit by bit of your life. OCD is a lier. And when your frustrated - feel free to post it. You have not experienced a frustration or a struggle that we have not felt. We know what it is like. I am doing so much better but I still have bad hours. That’s when it time to get up and continue on with life. I know you can say “No” to OCD. The only difference between you and me is what triggers us. You can say “No” to OCD 👍.

nae nae

Date posted: 24w

Afraid I won't recover

I'm going through a rough time. I used to think medication would brighten my world, but if anything, it's muted it. The physical anxiety is less, and I felt okay(ish) for a while, but things are getting bad again. I'm so afraid I'll never get to a point where I feel safe in my body and in my mind. Today is the first day I've cried in... I don't know how long. But I didn't feel the relief I thought I would. Initially, I did, but it morphed into dread, and now I'm sitting by myself, trying not to panic. I really want to begin seeing a therapist for OCD, but I don't know how much my insurance covers. There's just so much on my mind right now. A whole bunch of old themes are resurfacing. I wish I could've been given a different path in life. I'm trying to stay strong. It's just really difficult. I feel like I'm being sent back to square one :(

flowerpetals

Date posted: 12w

i’m posting.. again

i feel the need to say sorry because i’m posting yet again. i’m having a REALLY DIFFICULT episode of ocd that i haven’t had for a few months now. i experience contamination ocd everyday and have constant anxiety attacks, however because that’s so normal to me and doesn’t affect anyone but myself, it doesn’t affect me in the same way harm ocd does. i haven’t had to deal with really bad harm ocd thoughts for a good bit now so i’m struggling so bad right now. if anyone has seen my previous posts (which i’m sure you have), this came about over a small change that happened a couple weeks ago. it’s now blossoming into a full episode. it’s making me feel paralyzed and not want to do anything, but i know in the past i had to force myself to distract myself by actually doing things. i’m supposed to hang out with my friend tomorrow, but i’m so close to cancelling because i feel like i can’t do it. my physical symptoms are also worse than what i feel like i’m used to and it’s terrifying me into thinking i’m gonna get sick. i just don’t know how to get through it. it feels like impending doom and constant panic. i just want to feel like myself again and happy

flowerpetals

Date posted: 11w

word vomit

i’ve just been feeling so off lately. i’m okay right now, but a couple hours ago i was in this mood where i felt anxiety creeping up. like i will feel like there’s danger when there isn’t. i just get this really uncomfortable feeling that something feels wrong even when it isn’t. and i’ve been feeling derealization/depersonalization. just really disconnected from myself and the world. i’ve also been unmotivated to where there are times when the thought of doing things upsets me. and i’ve been having existential thoughts that do not mesh well with harm ocd. i get the thought “if people aren’t real then it’s okay to hurt them”. it sucks because there are times where i just don’t even care to ruminate and find reassurance that that’s not the case. furthermore, i’ve just been really aware of my existence. i will get moments where i’m so aware of my existence and it freaks me out. like the fact that i’m a living human being is crazy to me. then there are times when i’m not even anxious about anything which then has me questioning and ruminating on that because i ALWAYS have something i’m worrying about. i’ve also been feeling really nostalgic and bittersweet of the good memories from the past. i keep thinking about good times i’ve had and really wishing i could relive it. for example, last summer was a pretty good summer even with my ocd. and i just wish i could relive some of those moments, but i obviously can’t. and it’s been upsetting me because this month has been shitty with my anxiety. as for an update with my room change to those of you curious, i still have anxiety over it and my mom is taking it as me being ungrateful with what i have when it’s my ocd making a huge deal of it. that upsets me especially since i’ve told her what’s been going on and she was really understanding of it. anyways, life has just been a bit much and i’ve been dealing with more to my anxiety that i don’t appreciate. while worrying about constantly throwing up with my contamination ocd is incredibly exhausting, it’s so normal to me that i’m used to it. but when my harm ocd kicks in along with other themes that aren’t usually common for me, i freak out and feel like i’m going insane. i genuinely wonder how people have dealt with taboo topics of ocd without treatment for years on end. i’ve had harm intrusive thoughts since i was little, but it didn’t get to any extreme until 2023. i feel like i’m drowning in it when it decides to hit me and the thought of having to deal with it for the rest of my life?? i’m scared something in me will flip and i’ll become what my thoughts are telling me i am. i apologize for the mixed thoughts that are all over the place but i feel safe posting on here about it and want to hear how y’all are doing

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the hardest day of my entire life

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