I my worst fear is coming true...advise please 🙏

So..for context, I'm a first year teacher dealing with POCD (and staring ocd). Because of the nature of my ocd, I try to keep contact with students to a minimum: no long hugs (side hugs if possible) and hyper aware of proximity at all times. Despite my disorder (and my social awkwardness) I try to build positive relationships with my students by bonding with them on their favorite anime, music, etc. but that's hard with the added stress of dealing with students with challenging/disrepectful behaviors. I understand not all students will like you and your discipline style and may try to "test" the limits of the new teacher. I've been called so many disrespectful things by students, including a bitch but when some students are going around calling me a predator/pedo...my heart dropped to my stomach. I cried and was so disheartened and shocked that I had to tell my team leader what's going on. Apparently, since they haven't said it to my face, I can't do much but if it escalates, then the principal or whoever but the damage is already done. They know it could ruin someone's reputation but they don't care. I don't know what to do or what I did to be called that. I don't even want to go to work anymore, I feel on edge and paranoid and I feel like the students don't trust me which adds to their disrespect. I don't know how to address this, advice please.

POCD

Arianne.v

Date posted: 2y

i believe you shouldn’t take this personally. disrespect comes from a place of anger inside the student. kids especially first year students dont know how to communicate their anger towards a teacher, their brains are not fully developed so they will say anything out of anger, which has nothing to do with you, like you say the students can be challenging and disrespectful and these kids think you taking charge is you being a “bad teacher” but in reality your not, you are doing the right thing! do not take what your students can say to the heart when you know youve done nothing wrong. again i believe you shouldn’t take this personally. disrespect comes from a place of anger inside the student.

Penepasta

Date posted: 2y

Thank you! What you said made me feel better about the situation. I just don't want anyone thinking I'm a monster(especially since I haven't done anything crazy to be called that). I'm just going to do my job as best as I can and take it one day at a time.

MSR72

Date posted: 2y

Small humans like matured ones have a tendency to manipulate others to try to improve their own status. I call the concept "social capital" - they do things to try to improve their status with others. Often a cheap way to get a hit of peer approval is tearing someone down with insults, whether true or not. I know because I have been similarly baited and torn apart by adults (who are just aged children who are better at being crappy in a socially "acceptable" way). Stay strong! We are determined by our own internal mechanisms, not the pathetic and greedy attempts of social capital theft of others.

Penepasta

Date posted: 2y

You're definitely right about the "social capital" part. It's like lord of the flies, once the "leader" of the group says it's so, everyone else believes it like it's gospel. That in itself is a dangerous mentality. I just have to learn to ignore it and go about my day even though it's very triggering. Thank you for your advice by the way!

MSR72

Date posted: 2y

@Penepasta Glad it helps. My therapist also gave me a visual tool you may find helpful... Imagine you are holding a rose with a long stem all the way out in front of you. You use it to make a circle around you. Everything within belongs to you and everything without does not. Meaning, the things people say are beyond your boundaries and not reflective of what is within yours. Their social capital theft pyramid schemes are not a part of your identity or value.

Lulu~

Date posted: 19w

PLEASE PLEASE HELP ME TT (lowkey begging)

I told a few people on social media about my OCD, including POCD and how distressing it is. But everyone went quiet, then a few hours later I posted that I don’t support pedophilia at all neither do I justify it or am a pedo. Then someone replied with: “I think someone might take it bc u have such an obsessive fear of it u might have actual p3 do philic tendencies” I can’t do this anymore, I’m terrified to spiral again like a few months ago but I’m on the brink of doing it again. I’m shaking and stressing tf out I hate this so so so so so much

POCD

Givenup

Date posted: 16w

Pocd and anxiety

I hope someone can respond... Im genuinely so triggered and so anxious... Dr disrespect was accused of inappropriately messaging and sending explicit images to a minor, and trying to meet up with them at twitchcon... my POCD is saying that my situation with me venting about 18+ explicit HOCD stuff to people in the PM's on an OCD groupchat I found from NOCD, including the minors, when I was 19, means that I am just as bad as they are... or worse... I pm'ed them from the support group and vented to them in private (including the minors) about my 18+ explicit HOCD struggles... one was uncomfortable by it so i stopped venting to her after she told me she was uncomfortable by it twice... the other gave me reassurance so i kept asking her for reassurance for my 18+ hocd struggles... I dont ever want to ever be attracted to minors in any way... I dont ever want to ever engage in any inappropriate relations with minors in any way... i dont ever want to EVER be a MAP, a P, or a gro*mer in any way... I dont ever want to be what my pocd says about me... im so scared... someone said that I need help, that I need to turn myself in, and that im hiding behind a diagnosis because of this situation... i genuinely feel so hopeless... I dont ever want to ever be a monster...

Givenup

Date posted: 13w

Pocd and my situation

Youtubers are constantly getting accused of doing p*dophilic activity and its making me think my real events are as bad or as worse as them... Ive vented a lot to a lot of people in the PM's about my OCD... some of them younger (minors)... because I wanted reassurance from everyone and anyone... but this situation triggers me the most because I was venting about my 18+ HOCD situations... In an HOCD support group I was in, I vented to 2 minors in the PM's about my 18+ HOCD situations... The leader of the support group (that i vented to) was 17... I was 19 at the time... the other minor i vented to was younger (14-15)... the younger one told me she was uncomfortable when i vented to her in the PM's twice... i stopped and blocked her after she told me the second time... i kept asking the leader of the support group for reassurance for my 18+ HOCD situations for months because she kept giving me reassurance... i thought she was cute but didnt pursue her because of my age... i dont ever want to ever be a P or a MAP or a groomer in any way... I keep getting this gut feeling in my stomach that i "flirted" with the younger one that I vented to, who i blocked after she told me twice she was uncomfortable about me venting about my 18+ hocd situations... i didnt ever vent to them for malicious intent... I was trying to get reassurance for my hocd... Plus my pocd keeps saying I cant have any opinions online because of my pocd and real events ocd situations and that Im not a good person so I cant say anything online... Also i keep getting intrusive thoughts of people labelling me as a P and a MAP in the future because of these pocd real events... And i keep getting intrusive thoughts of being outcasted and "cancelled" online when someone "exposes" me for my POCD and real events OCD...

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I my worst fear is coming true...advise please 🙏

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