- Date posted
- 2y ago
scared i have a crush & have emotionally cheated
i feel so sick right now with fear!!! the other day i got incredibly drunk. i can’t remember a lot of what i did or said that day. there’s this guy i know who i’ve been worried i have a crush on for a while. i have a boyfriend and it terrifies me to think i could not love him. and breaks my heart with guilt. i just feel awful. this other guy has some traits i really like but i can’t tell if i have a CRUSH on him. it’s just a horrible uncertainty for me. but i choose to be with and love my boyfriend so i focus on that when i feel anxious. anyway, apparently when i was drunk i was saying to my friend that that other guy is ‘my platonic soulmate because we sleep in the same position’!!! and i don’t know if he heard me say that. i also was apparently being really kind about him to my friends (saying he’s great and under-appreciated etc). since i was drunk, this was my subconscious speaking and that terrifies me. if my boyfriend said these things about another girl i’d be absolutely devastated. i would be so upset and angry. i would cry and cry. so the fact i’ve done this makes me feel deeply guilty. i want to cry. i feel like i don’t deserve my boyfriends love. he’s too perfect and good for me. i feel horrible. i’m also scared now that my friends think i’m inlove with this other guy. i just explained to one of them that i absolutely don’t like him like that and can’t understand why i said all of that stuff when i was drunk. she didn’t seem fussed. but i’m worried she thinks i’m in denial. because i’m worried i am!!!! i don’t believe myself when i say it’s nothing. i’m scared i’ve been disloyal and unfaithful. i’m scared i have feelings for someone else. i love my boyfriend so much i really do, and i feel so guilty. i’m scared i’ve hurt him.