Hocd question

@blazed Are you doing erp for it

@Anonymous415 Yes!

@blazed Did any of your thoughts come true? I know it’s ego-dystonic send against who you are and values, but did doing erp change you or make it true

@Anonymous415 From what I can tell, I haven’t changed but I’m choosing to remain uncertain bc if I reassure myself I’m going to fall back into OCDs trap. Remember; thoughts are just thoughts and they can’t change you no matter how convincing it seems

@blazed In your experience, did it make it feel so real? Like you just turned gay and that you now just have to accept that you’re gay now. Like Can’t help but noticing the same sex and analyzing if they’re attractive over and over. Or suddenly you think your friends are attractive and you’ve now have feelings for them. I don’t even know what’s real anymore and I just think I’ve turned now. Like I can’t see anyway around it. I just feel like I am and that this my life now.

@Anonymous It’s always makes it feel real bro. That’s ocd. If it didn’t feel real it wouldn’t bother you

@Anonymous415 Yea you’re right. It’s just so hard man

@Anonymous I feel you. I know how it is.. are you seeing help for it?

@Anonymous415 Yes, we’ll I’ve been trying. Had one session but have been needing to reschedule due to my new job.

@Anonymous I’ve been through the exact same thing you’ve experienced and I know how awful it is :( as @anonymous415 said, this is OCD creating these feelings. If you were genuinely attracted you wouldn’t feel so uncomfortable. Attraction is a beautiful thing but unfortunately for us, OCD will always find a way to distort our emotions.

@blazed Hey had a few questions, it’s nice to talk to someone going through the same thing. Just feel so alone. How long did it take you to recover? Also how did you recover?

@Anonymous I’m sorry you’re struggling with this, you’re not alone at all! I haven’t fully recovered yet, but I’ve made a lot of progress since the onset of this theme. It took me nearly a year to get to this point and I had a lot of setbacks because I didn’t know how to handle my OCD properly. But once I did, I purposely started exposing myself to LGBTQ+ content such as looking at pictures of same sex couples and reading coming out stories. I learned how to respond to my thoughts and emotions by using non-engagement responses and letting myself experience them without judgement. It feels impossible to since you don’t want to tolerate the very thing that hurts you the most, but mindfulness/meditation has helped a lot with that. I also started journaling, reading self-help books, eating healthier, and taking medication. OCD is arguably one of the worst things I’ve ever experienced tbh and recovery is a lot of hard work, but it’s absolutely worth it. It’s so important to be kind and compassionate to yourself during the process because it will feel very overwhelming and like it’s not going to get better, but I guarantee you that it will. Anyway, I’m on a long tangent rn lol but I really hope this helps you feel better ❤️‍🩹

@blazed Thank you so much for responding. This does help me and I’m really trying to work on it but in the moment it feels very difficult. I know it takes time but I’ve just been lacking in faith. My big problem is the mental checking, checking every guy to see if there’s any attraction and it’s so hard to stop doing because how can you really stop that? I can’t stop by not looking at all because that would be avoidance but if I do look it’s like an automatic thing and I get a ton of anxiety and groinal response which makes me feel like it’s not even ocd at all.

@blazed What about exposing yourself to the same sex for ERP? How was that for you? How were you able to get past that without the mental checking and testing along with the anxiety and groinal responses ?

@Anonymous Of course! Rumination and checking are two of my biggest compulsions also. Every time I see an attractive woman my mind would use it to prove I’m gay. I remember someone on here commenting that you can find someone physically attractive but that doesn’t mean sexual or romantic attraction. And this is very true; it’s human nature to find someone attractive! OCD will take things to the extreme and make you feel any emotion, urge, or sensation, which is totally normal. Unfortunately, the only way to stop doing compulsions is by tolerating the discomfort and anxiety when it comes. Whenever I have an intrusive thought, I would agree with it and accept that I could very well be gay, but I’ll be okay no matter what. I’m just like “if I’m gay then that’s great 👍 and if I’m not, also great 👍” but logically I know my sexuality can’t flip overnight. Doing exposures was very difficult and actually made my anxiety worse for a while. I had mental breakdowns very often, but I reminded myself that I’m doing this to live a fulfilling life. It will suck now, but life will become better once you make it to the other side. Make sure to check in with a professional, (whether that’s a doctor or therapist) as you’re recovering to have some additional support. Be proud of yourself for fighting back despite how painful and distressing it is!

@blazed How long has the recovery process been taking for you?

@Anonymous About a year.

@blazed Oh my. A year ? Man that is so hard

@blazed Thank you for answering my questions and helping me out. Just feels never ending

@Anonymous You’re very welcome! I know it feels like it’s infinite suffering but keep your head up—there are always brighter days ahead

@Anonymous415 It was good. Poured my heart out and I felt heard. It was a relief to hear that there are many others who go through this and that I’m not alone. It’s easy to feel so alone with ocd.