Hocd question

This is killing me slowly day by day, im a straight female 20 years old, i started getting hocd after a break up with an ex and coming off intense use of 🍁🍃 for a few years on and off, i think it has messed up my brain so bad… my hocd is weird because ive been with men my whole life always wanted to be with men.. i also used to always question every relationship “do i love him? Does he love me? Am I with the right person?” Anyways after my hocd triggered my tocd due to researching hocd and finding they can often be linked, I started getting tocd and it’s worse then ever because it’s not who I want to be and I’m going back to situations where my abusive ex partner called me a “man” during a fight. I’ve always been a tomboy but never had same sex attraction. Help. This is killing me. I haven’t been able to study or leave the house most days, and work! I’ve lost motivation for everything and I’m in a dark hole. I need some success stories please

I feel I have HOCD FOR MORE THAN 10 years now. Basically all my ocd started since me and my husband started dating for real…. Will it ever go away? Will I ever be happy? Will I ever know? I don’t know… How long for you? Edit for me it’s more SO OCD cause I think I’m bisexual

I have some question, so if there is someone pls tell me