Can intrusive thoughts of a crush while in a relationship cause guilt and worry?

Relationship OCD

Has anyone ever had an intrusive thought that they have a crush on someone else while they’re in a relationship? I had an intrusive thought about one of my co-workers who is female. I don’t believe I am even gay but for a moment I had a small panic attack that I had a crush on her. I know I love my boyfriend and want to be with him but now I feel like I betrayed him by thinking about someone else like that even though it was an accident. I know I can’t say anything to him about it because I’m pretty sure the crush isn’t real and it would just make things weird between him and I. Anyone have any suggestions or can relate to this?

Relationship OCD

Username: leslieann84leslieann84

Date posted: 1y ago

I can relate. I don’t have any advice and am working with my therapist on this right now. But I understand a thought about a coworker that makes you wonder. Hopefully someone can help us as well.

Username: YoucanhealYoucanheal

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

@leslieann84 We will get through this. I hope things get better for you too.

Username: Lisa LeeLou Lisa LeeLou

User type: NOCD Alumni

Date posted: 1y ago

Thank you for sharing what you are going through. Please try to keep in mind that OCD is the doubting disease and often attaches itself to the things that are most important to us. Therefore, it is not surprising that it is coming up in your relationship. Those of us with OCD often over analyze thoughts; we find it impossible to dismiss or compartmentalize them. This leads us to believe they must mean something and that we need to figure it out. We become fixated and preoccupied. Ironically, when we are in this state we are in no position to solve or answer anything. Often the harder someone fights the thoughts or tries push them out of their mind, the stronger they get. Accepting the thoughts while not engaging is often more effective. Try to allow yourself to have the thoughts and respond with a neutral response like “thanks OCD” or “maybe it’s true maybe it’s not” without engaging any more or less than that. I know easier said than done, but with time and practice it does get better.

Username: YoucanhealYoucanheal

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

@Lisa LeeLou Thank you so much.

Username: MayteMayte

Date posted: 1y ago

Oh yes I feel you! It’s just awful. 😕

Username: Stacy QuickStacy Quick

User type: Therapist

Date posted: 1y ago

I know this can feel super hard but know that there are so many others who struggle in this area as well. It is important to recognize that everyone has thoughts- the same types of thoughts as you- maybe I like someone, maybe I am attracted to some else, etc. and these are just thoughts, even if they are true they don't have to mean anything about who you are as a person. You can still very much love your partner and have thoughts about other people- when someone has OCD the problem isn't the actual thoughts (I know it can feel like it is) but it is the response you give the thoughts- they get stuck. Check this article out: https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/do-intrusive-thoughts-mean-anything

Username: leslieann84leslieann84

Date posted: 1y ago

@NOCD Therapist - Stacy Q. I’m concerned my feelings for this other guy are real and not OCD. Do I still do the maybe, maybe not self talk? And can I just say maybe and not follow it up with the counter of maybe not? It all feels like a compulsion.

Username: Fabulousfaer...

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

ROCD and crushes/attraction

Hi, my ocd is starting to make me think I have feelings for a male coworker I barely interact or talk to 😔 Keep in mind I love my bf and he has a significant other too. I have no actual urge to cheat or be innapropriate (Even if we were both songle, I'm strongly against workplace dating anyways) l'm not sure how to deal with this appropriately. Any advice or suggestions. This is also my last post on here.

Username: Tangled1

Date posted: 1y ago

Intrusive thoughts

I feel like anytime I become really close to someone I can’t differentiate platonic or romantic feelings. My thoughts run wild thinking things along the lines of “you like them” “they secretly like you” “you could do —, —, or — with them.” I believe I’m Bisexual so I have these thoughts for both male & female, but sometimes I even worry about whether or not I’m really bisexual or if I’m just straight with extreme intrusive thoughts. I’ve had these thoughts about best friends, coworkers, & even relatives & it’s extremely disturbing. It makes me feel shameful for having these thoughts, especially with relatives or when in a relationship. I constantly have to tell myself that they’re just thoughts & I wouldn’t actually want anything to happen. I really don’t want to ruin my relationships with these people, but these thoughts wont go anyway no matter how many times I try to think the opposite in response to change my mindset. I’ve talked to my boyfriend about it & I’m very grateful that he’s so understanding, but it still troubles me. I’m really glad there’s another alternative of talking about these things

Username: TT2022

Date posted: 1y ago

ROCD? Cheating OCD?

Is it normal to find someone else attractive. When I get this thought or feeling.. whatever it is.. I feel as though I’m about to act on something. Or I guess my fear is that I WANT to act on something even though I know I don’t want to because I love my partner and family and I don’t want to jeopardize it. But I still get this urge when I find someone attractive and so my best idea is to avoid them. Does this happen to anyone else in a long term relationship/married? It makes me feel horrible and I hate having to confess this.

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Can intrusive thoughts of a crush while in a relationship cause guilt and worry?

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