schizophrenia ocd

Hi! So i've had intense fear of developing schizophrenia for quite some years now. I'm on a point now where I really don't know how to continue with this. So lately I've been having paranoid thoughts when going outside; like thoughts about friends poisoning my drinks, everybody hates me & wants to get rid of me. I do know these aren't true/ won't happen, but they do feel very real. I see the possibility of these being intrusive thoughts. but then there's this other thing. It's when I'm home, no matter if alone or not. I always feel like something's creeping up to me. I could be in the kitchen, just being on my phone, or with my roommate watching tv, and I'd have the most intense, unbearable feeling of something just being there, and going to enter the room. I can literally feel it coming. It pretty much happens all the time, but the evenings are just another level. I can't even tell if I'm hallucinating or not. Like idk if the shadows I see hushing by are in my imagination or if I actually hallucinate them. As with the feelings mentioned before, I know there's nothing going to attack me, jump out etc. but It's almost impossible to just act normal. Like I'd turn away of any doors/windows, I just feel my body wanting to escape. What could that be? I never felt emotions this intense before. I'm diagnosed with OCD, Anxiety and depression.

Hi everyone! This is me writing this while having an intense OCD attack and seriously I don’t know how to handle it. At this point I cry almost every day, I’ve lost my appetite, and I don’t know what to do anymore. This summer I’ve seen a movie where one of the characters had schizophrenia and did what my intrusive thoughts were about, which is harming others. I panicked immediately and did what I wish I didn’t, but I didn’t know back then it was a compulsion: I googled the symptoms. I felt relief at first, but then I started asking myself what if I have those symptoms? What if my thoughts will become voices and I’ll believe them? (This is still one of my biggest fears) Ever since then it’s a never ending cycle, everything I see and hear I question if it’s real or only me hearing/seeing it. I overanalyse my body sensations like when my ears ring, or I feel a tightness around my head etc. I went to see a therapist to start treatment, and he told me I have nothing to worry about, cause it’s unlikely I’ll develop it. I felt at ease, and for a few weeks I felt so much better, cause that talk with the therapist went well and I finally got the diagnosis which is OCD. But then, I was scrolling on Instagram, and I saw a video and ever since then it’s getting bad again. It gotten so bad that my mind “plays” random phrases/music/words in my head, and it’s sometimes in my internal voice, sometimes it’s in others’ and it’s so scary cause I’m just going on with my day and they’re just there. Also for example I hear my mom cleaning the dishes and as she puts them away they make a sound and I hear a word in it, but it makes no sense yet I panic over it cause it was a word? I feel like I don’t even have own thoughts anymore, other than those and the ‘What if this means…?’ thoughts which cause me so much anxiety I feel like I’ll explode. The reason I’m writing this is that maybe someone who went through the same thing can help me, and give me some tips how to stop ruminating and mentally+physically checking (my emotions, my facial expressions, body sensations etc.)? I’m currently going to a group therapy which is seem to help, but I feel like I need to see a therapist alone where she/he can help me with my exact problem? Maybe it’s seeking reassurance and that’s a compulsion cause what if this isn’t OCD but still I don’t know what to do. Thank you!

Hello, I have hypochondria, gad, ptsd, and panic disorder. For the past 5 months I have been in a deep episode of what I’m hoping is just hypochondria where I’ve fully convinced myself I’m psychotic/developing schizophrenia. This theme has become so debilitating I lost my job and was completely bed bound for a while. Anyway, I have the extreme fear of developing delusions and hallucinations, so I’m constantly on the look out for symptoms like that. For whatever reason I have become extremely sensitive and afraid of anything demonic or horror related, I literally used to be a horror junkie, listen to Marilyn Manson etc. I am literally an atheist, I don’t even believe in the devil or superstitious things like this, but for some reason I have started getting extremely fear inducing demonic type intrusive thoughts, like one night I had the terrifying thought “what if my wife is possessed by a demon and isn’t really my wife” this thought scared the fuck out of me and actually changed my behavior towards my wife and gave me a panic attack, the fear of that later passed, but the uneasy feeling still linger. I’ve been getting all sorts of terrible demonic type intrusive thoughts like that about everybody and random places and even objects and they cause a panic attack everytime I get them, it used to be a panic attack about struggling to fight the urge to believe these thoughts but now I feel like it’s gotten to the point where it just straight up feels like it’s happening and I’m afraid for real and not even questioning the thoughts anymore. I’ve completely stopped listening to any music that references the devil or any type of media that may have dark references, to avoid getting these types of thoughts. When I am not anxious and I take my anxiety medicine (clonazepam) I can laugh these thoughts off and confidently shrug them off as ridiculous, but other times it feels real!Why is this happening to me? Keep in mind I am a literal atheist and do not believe in superstitious things like this, why am I suddenly afraid of things like this? And better yet why do they scare me and “feel real” if I don’t believe them. I feel like I’m fighting for my sanity every single day. I literally dread the anticipation of getting these thoughts. These strange new fears about demonic shit is only solidifying my root fear that I am developing psychosis. Can anyone please help me?