ROCD

For the past 3 months ish I’ve been struggling on and off with this anxiety and fixation over my relationship. To wondering if i still have feelings for an old friend, wondering if i actually love him, wondering if the thoughts are all real and im just trying to cover it up with ocd. It sucks, when im talking to my boyfriend i feel fine. The words i love you and talks about the future come naturally. I can’t imagine myself with anyone but him. But this constant rumination on my relationship is KILLING me and I’m scared it’s going to ruin what i have. It makes me numb and disconnected which therefore makes me believe the thoughts even more. They just feel so real sometimes and it’s so scary like why can i not just enjoy it. We’ve been together for a while so i know there’s periods of like feelings ebb and flowing but this is so much more. It’s just constantly sitting on my chest with anxiety. My compulsions are coming on this app, looking at photos of us and confessing it to him. He’s very understanding and helpful. I love him so much. I just need help / I’m also just starting new meds as well ..

Hi everyone☀️ has anyone ever vented to a friend without knowing it is a compulsion? Meaning like you believe the thoughts so much in your head you vent to them and they agree with you? Which then fuels your obsessions about your relationship even more? I have really done that less lately the more I have learned about my ROCD, but wanted to know if anyone else experiences this? It’s so hard when we think we are just venting and then someone agrees or goes along with the obsession because they don’t understand the OCD..which then fuels my ROCD 😭 idk if I’m making sense lol hopefully someone understands

I feel like my Rocd has become more sophisticated. It’s made me feel as if my healthy loving boyfriend is this terrible person. Or I’ll be thinking to myself like “I love him”, and in middle thought I get “no you don’t”. It’s convinced me that our values and beliefs are just TOO different (we’ve only disagreed on one thing in our relationship, but we talk it out). It’s like my ocd is clinging on to every reason why I should break up, like I don’t want this anymore, even tho I do! It’s frustrating. And the idea of doing erp terrifies me. Because I’m afraid if I do erp statements, that I’ll agree with them. Can someone give insight