Boyfriend takes teasing too far

TW: anxiety about cheating At the very beginning of my relationship, my boyfriend used to joke about having side girls and he would call me “side girl #6” as a joke. One he finally realized that it was genuinely upsetting to me, he stopped. However he did accept girls’ numbers from the gym to talk about “gym stuff” and if they would send a suggestive picture he would remove them. I can’t help but feel uncomfortable about the fact that he accepted their Snapchats in the first place though. We’re approaching a year and a half of dating and he recently still teases me by pretending to be sketchy with his phone like pulling it away from me and acting like there’s something he doesn’t want me to see even if he’s just on Doordash. I have been recently all insecure and anxious about him possibly cheating lately and I honestly think it might be because of his joking. He says that when I say stop he doesn’t realize that I’m completely serious unless I initiate a serious conversation about it. (I have a hard time being confrontational sometimes/trying to avoid conflict so he says I would say it in a way that he mistakes for flirting). I just watched a YouTube video where they mentioned someone cheating by texting and hiding their phone and now I’m worried again. I’m imagining when people get out of a relationship and they’re like “oh those are all the signs I didn’t pay attention to” or “I ignored those red flags” and now I’m afraid that’s what’s happening. I had a serious talk with him last night about how it hurts me and he was sorry but I just can’t get over the thought of what if he’s lying even though I trust him. He’s a good liar and I’m a gullible person.

Relationship OCD

Lavander

Date posted: 2y

This is a complicated situation. I think it goes beyond ocd because going by your description it really is upsetting. How are you feeling lately? I'd only make decisions regarding the relationship once I know I'm calm and I'm thinking straight. It's good that you had this conversation with him, though. Try to give it a few days and watch his behavior. And did you tell him you don't like when he adds random girls from gym on snap? It's important that he knows your boundaries, and for that you need to be very clear.

spookycupcake

Date posted: 2y

@Lavander Honestly it makes me really worried because I don’t want to have to leave him but I’m afraid that most people would tell me to dump him

Lavander

Date posted: 2y

@spookycupcake Does he treat you well? Do you like him? If so, then I think the relationship can be worked on still. If this is the case, I personally wouldn't tell you to dump him. Like I said, just give it time now. Let this cool down and see how things change or not in the next days. Easier said than done, I know, but overthinking this isn't gonna help you in any way. Just keep on going.

spookycupcake

Date posted: 2y

@Lavander Im posting on here because I have been having basically every symptom of rocd for 6 months even if this specific thing isn’t related, so there have been issues with me having rocd type stuff about the relationship. But he always tells me how much he loves me and is very sweet and loving and I love him very much too. I’m just worried after googling about it because everything says he’s a douche bag and you should dump him if he does this. But he tells me he doesn’t know that it hurts me unless I spell it out to him and tell him in a very straightforward way that it’s a problem

Lavander

Date posted: 2y

@spookycupcake I got it. Rocd just makes things harder, especially when it comes to distinguishing what comes from rocd and what's actually important to take into account. Please, don't keep searching this on Google. It'll make things worse. You know when you google a headache and they say you only have like 3 days left? It can be like that for other areas too. In my experience, it's not that hard to realize when I'm spiraling into ocd. The thoughts get repetitive, they evoke lots of anxiety and they feel urgent. Let him know when you're not feeling well mentally. You don't have to tell you're questioning the relationship, as he *might* not understand it, but tell him to be patient with you when you're feeling low.

spookycupcake

Date posted: 2y

@Lavander Honestly I don’t know if it’s possible for me to not spiral if there is a real problem that I’m thinking about. I pretty much have near-constant anxiety every day. Thank you so much for all your input though it’s helpful and I know it’s probably not easy to listen to my stressful rants.

Lavander

Date posted: 2y

@spookycupcake That's a possibility. Stress from life makes ocd worse. But still, even knowing this is a good way of realizing it is ocd. Anxiety doesnt last forever. At some point it'll recede a little and youll be able to think clearly. Real problems don't make you obsess about them. And no problem! I hope I managed to offer you a different perspective and help you a bit. I know how bad this feels. You're going to be ok.

spookycupcake

Date posted: 2y

Yea he doesn’t add them anymore or talk to any of them as far as I know because it bothered me

spookycupcake

Date posted: 2y

So there are so many little things he does that bother me that I’m always bringing up and it’s so hard to tell if it’s me brushing my feelings under the rug or if it’s me getting overly anxious and worked up about things. Often when I bring things up he will be a little irritated because of how often I bring things up from the past, but he will listen and try to make the changes

Mazy420

Date posted: 24w

Advice on this situation 😭

I’m at a loss about what to do. I’ve been with my partner for about a year. I’ve wanted to be with him for 3 years and now I finally have him, I got out of a really toxic 11 year relationship about 4 years ago so I’ve had plenty of time to heal, things where going so great at first in our relationship and I’m still very much happy with him, I love him more than anything, but the past 5 6 months I’ve been having a constant fear that he’s gonna cheat or watch 🌽behind my back any chance he gets , I know that’s a touchy subject for some, but me personally it just makes me feel that I’m not attractive enough,or feel like I’m not good enough, I’ve never found evidence of cheating, and I’ve found 🌽 in his history once but I told him how I felt and he told me he understood how I felt and wouldn’t do it again,and I know the constant asking everyday and needing for reassurance with it is putting a tear in our relationship, I just want to fix it. Does anyone have any advice on how to redirect my brain whenever I start overthinking about it when I’m not around him? It just puts so much stress on me when I’m not around him cause I’m just constantly in my head about it.

Relationship OCD

JazzyRoses

Date posted: 19w

Being Cheated On OCD

Hi everyone! I have been having a rough time. So my boyfriend talks to his ex still as friends and I’ve been struggling with it lately and I can’t tell if it’s OCD or not but it does feel so distressing. She wasn’t texting him for about 2-3 months as she got into a relationship with this guy and they broke up. She had messaged him saying that she has no one else to talk to and needed to vent to someone. At first I felt okay, but my intrusive thoughts took over and it seemed like she was trying to get with him after the fact. It’s probably just my intrusive thoughts talking but he looks on Discord (the app where the message) constantly now and my intrusive thoughts convince me that he’s still in love with her. Then yesterday I saw one of his BeReals (a little photo app that shows a photo of the day) and I saw that he was watching one of her streams as she is a streamer. I struggled to talk about it because it made my worst thought feel like it came true where he is still in love with her. When we talked he gets a lil mad that I don’t tell him right away like straight up what I’m feeling but it’s hard to process because my thoughts flood in of all the worst things and I don’t want to come off as toxic at all and I know relationships are built on trust and I want to trust because this is literally the only thing that makes me nervous about him. It also doesn’t help that I’ve been cheated on before so I’m trying to protect myself but I’m lost. I get so depressed and so anxious because I feel like I have to grieve the relationship and it’s just so dramatic. I’ve never loved anyone like this before and I don’t wanna lose him by bringing this stuff up constantly when something occurs with his ex. I don’t know why I get triggered so easily and I just wanna heal from it and be the good girlfriend I’m supposed to be 😭

Itwillallwor...

Date posted: 14w

Worried of cheating

For about a month now I’ve been really obsessed with the idea that my girlfriend has feelings for this guy we know if he has feelings for her. We’ve only known him for about a month and we’re not that close to him. The stuff that makes me worried is completely normal for friends to do or are things that aren’t real. . They respond to each other on group chats . They hangout in groups when I’m not there . She finds him funny and smiles when she’s around him . I just have a bad feeling It’s become such a thing in my mind and it’s deteriorating our relationship. Every time I see him and her talk I feel mad and sick and anxious. And now I’m starting to hate him. I feel like I’m being so unfair because she hasn’t actually done anything, and I keep accusing her and treating her like she has. She says she feels like all I see is the worst in her and like she’s a bad person. I’ve brought this up to her many times and every time she tells me she would never cheat on me and that he’s some random guy and that she doesn’t want him she wants me. I just can’t get the idea out of my head, I can’t stop unconsciously looking for signs of romantic feelings between them. I analyse her body language or how she looks at him, I check if there online at the same time to see if their texting or something. It’s really bad. It’s gotten to the point where it’s not about the idea that they have feeings anymore it’s more just I want to get the idea out my head. I want to stop seeing this. Because she would have said something by now. And I know this is coming from a place of fear and insecurity about myself and the way she feels about me, because he’s no different to any of her other friends I just chose him to be the one I worry about. I want to get past this because our relationship needs to move past this and I want to be able to enjoy the time I spend with my friends instead of relating it to this and the idea of hanging out in this group with her where he is, and if causing instant anxiety. She’s not like this, she’s a good person. It’s not necessarily the idea she’ll actually cheat it’s the idea she’ll develop feeling or he will and will make her catch feelings too. It’s all just a “bad feeling” I have and an obsession with this idea. I can’t stand to be around them in a group cuz all I can see is that “she’s in love with him” or “he would make her or does make her happier”

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Boyfriend takes teasing too far

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