exhausted

i have what i think is rocd, at least many people here told me i do. im going through the worst period ever, my thoughts feel real, i feel like i dont have any feelings for my boyfriend, that i am in denial , that i am a liar, i cant remember how it feels like to love him, my memories with him are distorted. I feel like i never loved him and i was just coping , acting like i do because i could not accept the reality. I see many people saying that once they are with their partner they feel better but it dosent help, when i am with him i still have thoughts and horible feelings. i dont know what to do anymore. I have this problem for over a year and a half, and rn it feels the worst ever. Everything feels urgent and terrifyingly real. I keep thinking that maybe when the thoughts first started, I actually realized I didn’t love him — but I kept saying “no, it can’t be, I love him,” just to deny the truth. And now I feel like I’m only holding on to a false idea I created in my head. I don’t feel love, just pressure, panic, and confusion. I told ChatGPT that I feel numb next to him, I can’t imagine a future with him, nothing feels like it used to, and I’m scared I was only ever excited about the idea of love — not him. Please, I just want this pain to stop.

Is it possible that I’m so tired of ocd or that I’m so exhausted of it that I just feel like I don’t care about anything anymore? Or that the most important thing that I was fighting for (my relationship) since ocd started I just don’t care about it anymore and feel nothing about it. Like I completely lost myself in it, I lost my identity. But the bad thoughts are still there and because I feel so numb the thoughts feel even more real like that is my reality and this is more like a feeling than a thought. And the worst part is that I have rocd and every time I think about my bf my brain connects him to all the suffer I went through even if it’s obviously not his fault but is it possible that I really don’t love him anymore because my brain automatically connects him to something bad? I’ve started to feel this way a week ago, everything went pretty well for us before it, I didn’t have feelings or thoughts like this but from now my brain tells me that I don’t want to be with him anymore which is crazy because he was everything to me, everything I was fighting for but it feels so real. I feel so burnt out. I feel like there’s no way out of it this time and im going to feel this way forever. Please help! Is it normal to feel this way? Or I just changed so much that it became my reality?

feel like I’ve been stuck in this ROCD cycle for so long that I don’t even know what’s real anymore. Everything feels so heavy and confusing. I keep having thoughts like “I don’t love him,” “I never really did,” “I’m just used to him,” or “I’m staying out of guilt or fear.” They come with a strong emotional pull that makes it feel like I’m finally facing some ‘truth’ — but I don’t even know what that truth is. Even when things are going well with my boyfriend — when he’s loving, caring, affectionate — I still feel disconnected, like I can’t feel love or calmness. And then I feel guilty for not feeling what I think I should feel. I overthink everything: memories, how I used to feel, how I feel now, what I might feel tomorrow. I can’t tell if I’m just scared to lose him or if I’m trying to force something that isn’t there. I’ve read so much about ROCD and I know I’m supposed to sit with the thoughts and let them pass, but sometimes they feel so real that I don’t know how to keep going. Sometimes I even feel numb and that scares me too — like if I don’t react with panic, it must be true. I just want peace. I want clarity. I want to stop analyzing and doubting every moment. Has anyone else felt this way? How do you sit with this and not spiral? Thank you so much for reading. 💔