So I obsessively question my relationship, etc and look for ways to soothe the panic regardless of being very clear on the fact that I would be super sad if me and my fiancé broke it off. Yet I still obsessively tell myself/fear that it is in fact not just ROCD/anxiety and that it’s how I really feel and then I panic about that all over again. This seems to be a very common theme. Any tips or advice? God I need help
Lol you sound like me, it’s crazy how so many of us can be going through the same thing😭 I also have ROCD and it’s causing me to have doubts with my fiancé. I do a heck of a lot of mental reassurance that he’s the one for me, and that I love him etc, bc I’m absolutely terrified of my feelings possibly changing, and other things. It’s tough, I’m going through it too, just want you to know that you’re not alone and hopefully with ERP we both will get better <3
@msyed It’s like this nagging feeling that “something isn’t right” but at the same time I just don’t want him gone at all. Is that how you feel?
@Anonymous mine is more like I know he’s the one for me, but sometimes if it’s a really bad episode I can question absolutely everything and I can’t seem to even remember things and how I know I love him etc and that really scares me bc I’m like I’m marrying this guy so soon lol I have to know how I feel “FOR SURE” in order to move forward. I look for things that make it feel like something wrong. But then someone once told me and helped me realize, the only bad bumps in the road within our relationship is when my ocd spikes. he’s always still so supportive and patient etc, & so if there’s no problems outside my ocd episodes, then imma stick to believing that my relationship is good and healthy. And I know good and healthy is scary bc the ball usually drops, but I’m forcing myself to go through with it. I lean on God a lot as well, and I know before all this ROCD was happening, I was good happy and still planning on marrying him. So just try to stick to how you felt before. Bc you can’t trust your ocd feelings, they’re not real, they’ll make you feel things that aren’t true. But if you know your relationship is normal good heathy outside of the ocd spikes, then stick to that. Im starting to now tell myself to base anything on how I “feel”. Bc ocd will always confuse and trick me. Love is a choice and commitment and I can choose my fiancé everyday, no matter how I’m “feeling”. Ocd wants you to be scared and get out of your relationship, don’t let it win. But of course, is there’s real issues that aren’t bc of ocd, defs assess what those are and figure them out like anyone would if they have bumps in the road. Sorry I just started going on and on lol but l hope this helped, i am here for you! I am literally having anxious ocd thoughts as we speak but I’m trying to just act like I don’t care bc they’re not important and don’t want to give it attention or it’ll trick me into feel real and cause me anxiety
@msyed I got a lot of relief just reading this. I think I will come back to your comment throughout the day when I’m losing it again. But then maybe I will just be reassurance seeking and making the cycle worse?
@Anonymous When I said “I’m starting to now tell myself to base anything on how I “feel”. I forgot to say NOT**, not base anything on how I feel. Just wanted to clarify lol
@Anonymous If you got relief that was probably not a good thing since it was probs reassuring to read what I wrote. I try to just keep leaning into the discomfort and keep doing that until the feeling passes. I use the response prevention line “I may or may not (insert whatever your fear/thought is), but I can sit with the discomfort and certainty.” That’s what my therapist told me, but I sometimes add at the end “and this feeling pass”. Idk if what I add at the end if reassurance a little but I’m a work in progress lol so we’ll seeee, might need to cut it out later, imma ask my therapist at my next sesh if what I added was fine or not
@msyed I started ERP with a therapist but the one thing I can’t really seem to successfully do ERP for is when I’m actually physically with my fiancé and I’m not “feeling the love” or I’m just looking at him like “oh no why do I feel this way”. I’m not sure if I’m making sense, but if I am, how do you do the therapy for that situation? Cause it’s not really an intrusive thought is it? Idk it’s very confusing
@Anonymous I also sometimes am physically with my fiancé and I get anxious and question what am I feeling, I think those are all intrusive thoughts trying to make you super analyze your partner and relationship and scare you. The thing is, we just have to sit with the discomfort and act like those thoughts don’t matter they’re not real. Also I think since we just started ERP it’s going to take a while to get better at this and understand it fully, we got this
@msyed Okay yeah. Thank you. You’re a good friend. I think I will ask my therapist some specifics on this kind of situation when I speak to her on Saturday. I will share with you if you’d like to hear what she said
@Anonymous Yes sounds good!
I’m having what I think is my first ROCD full episode. I’ve had doubting thoughts the entirety of my relationship. But in the last couple of days have been overwhelmed with and debilitated by anxiety and the feeling that I need to break up with my boyfriend. I don’t know if I have OCD officially but talking to therapists it seems that it is likely and I’m going to an OCD specialist next week to talk through my feelings but I feel completely helpless and hopeless at the moment and riddled with anxiety. I’m in a long distance relationship. I seem to have a waves throughout the day when I want to communicate with my boyfriend and tell him I love him etc. but the other 80% of my day is filled with anxiety and dread that I’m going to have to break up with him. I just want the anxiety to go away and to know if my thoughts are real thoughts or OCD thoughts. My biggest fear is that this isn’t an OCD episode and I do need to break up with him. I’m seeing him this weekend and I’m filled with dread about feeling disconnected and anxious and not in love.
I know I love my fiancé so much. The 5 years we have been together have been the best of my life, yet I am questioning everything all the time. The constant doubts and fears and negative thoughts about him are so loud and so persistent. It feels like this will never end
I just saw my boyfriend, and even though everything was okay on the outside, inside my mind it was a storm. I kept having thoughts like: “You don’t like him.” “You’re not feeling anything.” “You’re pretending.” “You don’t care.” And then, he said something sweet — something that should’ve made me feel happy: “We should marry.” And instead of warmth, I felt anxiety. A pit in my stomach. A voice in my head saying: “You don’t want that.” “You’ll never stay with him.” “If you really loved him, you’d feel joy.” And I hate it. I hate that I’m in this state. I don’t feel connected. I don’t feel clarity. I don’t even know what I feel anymore. I just feel… numb. And the worst part? It feels like I don’t even care. But I know I do. Somewhere, beneath all the noise and panic and obsessive thoughts, I care. I want to feel close to him. I want to stop second-guessing every word, every touch, every thought. This is ROCD. It makes me question everything. It makes me feel like I’m lying — even when I’m not. It steals the moments that should feel warm and turns them into confusion. If anyone else feels this awful mix of numbness, fear, and guilt — please tell me I’m not alone.
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