I constantly feel let down and disappointed by my boyfriend. I feel like he has legit reasons for what’s happening but I don’t believe him anymore and have so much doubt. I guess it is OCD. This is so difficult cuz my feelings feel real but logically I know what he’s saying makes sense. I’m going in circles.
Yeah I relate. When something small happens like he forgets to call me because he got busy, find myself flooded with reasons that he doesnt care about me and then I just end up angry about it. I also feel like my feelings are easily hurt and its uncomfortable. With other OCD thoughts I understand how to combat him but with these ones I have no idea- I just try to resist the compulsion of asking if he cares about me or still loves me
@hiitsemmy Yeah that’s exactly it. He forgets to call cuz he’s busy then I spiral and ruminate. My feelings get hurt easily too. Thanks for sharing. I’m not sure how to deal with these either.
@hiitsemmy Do you also find yourself not trusting when he’ll say he’s going to do something?
@Honeyshark Yes all the time and I grew up with a mom who nagged a lot about getting things done so sometimes I feel like I’m doing that to him. I find myself waiting feeling anxious until he does the thing he says he’s going to do. But I know its OCD because my thoughts are very convincing- I have a reaction to them- and then I have a compulsion. That compulsion could be getting angry, asking him questions (I feel like interrogate him sometimes when my OCD is bad), or avoiding him. I know this all sounds really bad but its the nature of OCD and thankfully both my partner and I understand OCD. I do still try my best to not take things out on him but I still constantly feel the emotions- whether I act on them or not
@hiitsemmy But basically what I feel happen is I’ll have a small thought and I tell myself that its ok and then I can literally feel it swallowing me until I want to burst and I have to do a compulsion. I hate that anger is my reaction- I feel like I see a lot of other people with ROCD that mostly deal with sadness. I just feel like anger has the potential to be really destructive in a relationship
@hiitsemmy This helps me a lot to hear. I get angry and confrontational (I interrogate as well) too because my ocd is telling me I’m being mistreated or ignored or [insert something else bad]. I thought I was alone as well. How’d you explain OCD to your partner? I feel like explaining this to my boyfriend is hard to get across how crazy OCD can make me feel and how it’ll latch onto even small stuff.
@Honeyshark Literally! I feel that same way. I feel like I make up certain details about how I feel too because my ocd is telling me- I feel myself like really scraping for any detail that could prove that I deserve better. Thankfully my boyfriend is a social worker and a big mental health advocate so that helps in understanding OCD. I also communicate to him how the ocd makes me feel: like I’m going to burst, like I’m crazy, like I feel frozen in space and can’t move, like I need to find an answer immediately and I’ll even be ruthlessly mean to find that answer. I tell him that when I’m interrogating him its just as painful for me as it is for him because I absolutely hate the feeling- i’m just trying to get rid of the thought. I tell him that I know what I’m feeling is irrational but it feels more than real in my head. I started small with communicating it to him by just mentioning that ocd is bothering me and then I started explaining how it makes me feel. I spare him the details about what the obsession is about though because a lot of them attack his character and I dont want to hurt his feelings.
@hiitsemmy Oh wow! This is super helpful! When my boyfriend asks me what’s bothering me I tell him the ocd thing and then we have an argument and his feelings get hurt. I’m going to do just ocd + what it wants me to do going forward. Thanks! Yeah! Same about “deserving better” and then scrutinizing every single detail. I also feel like ocd makes me less empathetic to my boyfriend. He’s working so much and my ocd ignores that and uses that stupid saying “if he wanted to he would”
@hiitsemmy And I get angry when I think he’s “holding back” or “not treating me well” but it’s all ocd.
@hiitsemmy And then when it passes I’m happy he’s my boyfriend again and then try to compensate for my horrible feelings before.
@Honeyshark I am definitely less empathetic towards me boyfriend too but I’m not an overly empathetic person with other people anyways. Sometimes I feel like such an asshole because I feel myself ridiculing him that he isnt doing enough or “he isnt this” or “he isnt that.” For whatever reason I feel anxiety over almost anything he does and I use it to judge his character. I also experience being super happy with him when it passes but its so overwhelming when its all ocd anxiety- its hard to differentiate what is actually an undesirable trait and what I’m just making up.
@hiitsemmy Yeah it’s so tough. I feel so much anxiety about his actions and character.
I am at the point where I feel like I don’t even know myself anymore and have a really hard time explaining my thoughts and feelings. The thought that no one may ever be able to help me or understand me is blazing constant in my head. I don’t know if I will truly ever be happy, the dissatisfaction I have in my life is beyond words and I try to be happy but my mind is so toxic and ungrateful. I feel that I may never understand myself. Have been dealing with extreme intrusive thoughts in regards to my relationship, if my partner is for me, if I am the reason problems come up in my relationship, if I am overly sensitive causing arguments etc. I will have constant thoughts about other people in my head although I have a partner. A hyperactive imagination of others if you will or specific individuals in my life. I have a severely low sex drive. I have also noticed recently that my partner will say things that I don’t like but can’t tell if he’s the problem or if i’m the problem. If I like my partner anymore or if I don’t, can I see him in my future or not. When I am with him I enjoy being with him but there is always a thought in the back of my head of do I just like being around him as a friend because I am lonely or if I truly love them. It’s to the point where I question leaving them or not. My only issue is that I don’t want to leave but at the same time I have trouble feeling emotionally and sexually connected. I even pick at physical imperfections that they may have which to my true beliefs does not matter I will love them otherwise. We recently have been arguing a lot and I can’t tell if I am the problem or he is but it causes me a lot of stress because I feel misunderstood and feel like he wouldn’t understand me unless he was me. It can be hard explaining OCD to him because he is one of those people who loves to self help almost like a life coach, explains to me that anxiety doesn’t exist and that I can help myself or stuff along those lines. It hurts so bad because he doesn’t understand how hard it is for someone with OCD and how him saying things like that only makes it worse and makes me want to turn away from him in a way. I want to feel like I can talk to my partner and that I know for a fact is my true belief. I pray that God will heal me of this terrible disease. I feel I have turned away from the Lord so much because of how alone and misunderstood I feel with what feels like no change. When I’m in public I’ll look at a guy and feel as though because they looked at me back they will think I like them or that I may be interested even though i’m not. I obsess in my head sometimes about real people I know that are kit my partner and have just learned to accept that but it’s still disheartening to me. I understand the concept of being with a partner and still finding other people attractive without obviously doing anything about it and I try to remind myself of that. Please someone tell me this is OCD because the thought of it not is sickening. Another thing I do is compare myself to other girls my age almost that if i’m not as pretty as them im not pretty at all. To whom ever reads this please be very mindful of how you respond because I am triggered very easily. But I am so so lost.
Lately my ROCD has been flaring up, making it difficult to even be around my partner. I’m having so many troubling thoughts with the one that bugs me most being, “maybe this isn’t my OCD, maybe I’m just in a bad relationship and I’m trying to cover it up and blame it on OCD”. This thought really scares me because there are valid doubts in my relationship but my boyfriend and I have openly talked about them and are trying to work through. My OCD won’t take that as an option tho. It makes me feel like I need to be 100% certain that these things can NEVER happen again or else we need to break up immediately. So anything he says in that moment about trying to do better, my OCD will not trust anything he says and just wait until the next “bad thing” happens. When I continuously bring these things up to my boyfriend even tho nothing has happened between these conversations, it exhausts him making it feel like he can never do enough. I feel so bad because I know it’s just my OCD getting in the way. But then that thought creeps in saying I can’t trust him because I need to protect myself. It’s just an ongoing cycle that is so tiring. I don’t even know what I want anymore. We are very opposite when it comes to emotions. I am very in tune and very emotionally intelligent, and he is not. He is the opposite. I do recognize that my anxious attachment style may be hard for him too but I can’t stop thinking about all of his flaws and all of the things he needs to do to make our relationship better. It makes me feel like I’m the only one putting in effort when in reality that is not true. But my OCD does make me feel like he doesn’t really love me or want to be with me and that he feels forced to be with me or do things for me. It makes me feel like him being with me is like a chore. Can anyone relate? My OCD just makes me feel like I can’t trust anything he says to make our relationship better.
I’m ruining my relationship, and idk if it’s OCD or if I’m just an awful person. I’m tired of constantly fighting with my boyfriend. but I have no one to blame but myself. I can’t stop picking apart everything they say, I can’t stop being so negative, I can’t stop overthinking and obsessing, I can’t stop feeling like they’re lying or being inconsistent. I constantly ask too many questions to the point where I feel he thinks I’m stupid. I’m starting to feel stupid myself. It seems like I can’t understand basic conversations with my boyfriend anymore unless they’re super black and white. He deserves better. I don’t deserve love. I feel like I’m destroying the one thing that makes me happy. I don’t feel happy with him anymore because we’re constantly fighting. And it’s all my fault. I think I’m just an awful, crazy person
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