rocd

my rocd is going insane. it always finds a new thing to question and try to figure out. i started reading the book “overthinking about you” which is about relationships when having ocd and anxiety. the first chapter was about breaking up and one sentence said that “if you’re romantic feelings have left, then it’s time to break up” or something along those lines. it heavily triggered me last night and i went to bed knowing it would be all that’s on my mind today and it has been. im now wondering if i even have romantic feelings with my girlfriend or i ever did. how does one even figure that out when they’ve been in their relationship for over a year and do NOT want to break up. i know i love her, i know our relationship is what i’ve always wanted and she meets all my needs and wants but why the constant questioning. why can’t i be secure in my love and feelings for her

Relationship OCD

lilbill

Date posted: 2y

then i have my moments of clarity where i’ll feel a glimpse of hope for our relationship and getting married. i’ve never been one to care about being married but some days i’ll just feel this sense of happiness come over thinking of us getting married and being happy in our relationship. i know that if these thoughts and obsessions did not exist, our relationship would be back to its beautiful self and flourishing but why can’t i stop questioning everything. she’s all i ever wanted and dreamed of in a partner, why can’t my brain accept her and let me be okay

anxiousotter250

Date posted: 2y

@lilliiii going through the same thing and it fucking sucks. Like…what does that even mean to not have romantic feelings when you have ocd? my therapist tells me that it’s okay if I don’t feel specific feelings towards my partner at any given time but I still get obsessive. I think we have to work on accepting the negative thoughts as just that, and remember that thinking something doesn’t make it a fact. And also, not being able to feel anything except anxiety when you’re in the middle of an OCD episode is so normal. it’s not that you lost feelings for your partner, those feelings are just being drowned out by the sense of dread that comes with OCD. I’ve also tried to start opening up more to my gf about the struggles of having OCD and I think that’s helping a ton. It’ll be okay but I know how miserable it is to be in this place. Solidarity 🫶🏼

lilbill

Date posted: 2y

@anxiousotter250 my one area of concern is that when we first started talking, i didn’t get this large obsessive sense of crushing?? she’s my first relationship, the first person that’s ever shown genuine interest in me and with all my other crushes, i would obsess over them, stalk their social medias, fantasize about them, etc. and i never even really talked to those crushes. i did and still do fantasize about my girlfriend but i didn’t feel that obsessive crushing feeling i usually felt. that’s why i’m in my head like “since i wasn’t crushing on her so hard in the beginning, does that mean i never had romantic feelings?” i can’t stop comparing my feelings towards her to my past crushes, wondering if it’s real or not. if anything, i remember early on when she told me how she feels about me, i remember thinking “that’s weird, she likes me a lot that’s kinda uncomfortable” and i got freaked out and it’s stuck with me since. i’m just so used to crushing on people that aren’t available to me and once someone is completely available for me, my brain just gets scared idk!

anxiousotter250

Date posted: 2y

@lilliiii I think the key is trying not to let yourself go down that path. There will always be things we’re missing out on, but that doesn’t mean the life we have isn’t beautiful the way it is. Try not to force yourself to feel a certain way in the moment, and remember that in a long term relationship you probably won’t feel excitement and passion all the time! Try just let yourself feel like, sorry for yourself? for a little while. Not in a way where you’re allowing the obsessive thoughts and compulsions to spiral, but just in a way that acknowledges how much it SUCKS to have OCD and how horrible it is that ocd tries to ruin the joy in our lives. Also, idk if you’ve heard this, but ocd is listed as one of the hardest mental conditions to live with. So try to be gentle with yourself. And I can tell you from firsthand experience that trying to analyze past feelings and compare them to NOW while you’re in the middle of an OCD episode isn’t gonna be beneficial or tell you anything helpful. Sometimes we just have to live with the discomfort and hopefully accepting that helps us spiral less and less often.

lilbill

Date posted: 2y

@anxiousotter250 thank you so much. your word’s definitely help. i wish you and your girlfriend well❤️

Mariabae

Date posted: 23w

scary rocd

Lately, I’ve been feeling like my relationship isn’t real. I keep thinking: • Why am I even with him? • Do I actually like him, or am I just used to him? • What if I’m just convincing myself that I like him? I feel numb, disconnected, and nothing I tell myself reassures me. Sometimes, I get really irritable when we talk, I don’t feel joy, and I start overanalyzing everything. It makes me feel like the absolute truth is that I don’t like him, and I’m just in denial. I also heard that when you don’t like someone, there’s no anxiety—just relief. But I have moments where the thought “I don’t want to be with him” crosses my mind, and I don’t feel anything at all. And because I don’t panic immediately, I start thinking “Maybe this means it’s true.” I’ve read that love isn’t about feeling excitement 24/7, but my mind keeps telling me that if I don’t feel connected, if I have to search for reasons why I like him, that must mean I don’t. I feel like I’m losing touch with my emotions, and no matter what I do, I can’t seem to feel love or happiness the way I used to. It’s like I keep waiting for some proof that I truly want to be with him, but I never find it. Has anyone else felt this way? I feel like I’m trapped in this endless doubt, and I don’t know what’s real anymore.

rjahastings

Date posted: 23w

ROCD - anxiety

I’m having what I think is my first ROCD full episode. I’ve had doubting thoughts the entirety of my relationship. But in the last couple of days have been overwhelmed with and debilitated by anxiety and the feeling that I need to break up with my boyfriend. I don’t know if I have OCD officially but talking to therapists it seems that it is likely and I’m going to an OCD specialist next week to talk through my feelings but I feel completely helpless and hopeless at the moment and riddled with anxiety. I’m in a long distance relationship. I seem to have a waves throughout the day when I want to communicate with my boyfriend and tell him I love him etc. but the other 80% of my day is filled with anxiety and dread that I’m going to have to break up with him. I just want the anxiety to go away and to know if my thoughts are real thoughts or OCD thoughts. My biggest fear is that this isn’t an OCD episode and I do need to break up with him. I’m seeing him this weekend and I’m filled with dread about feeling disconnected and anxious and not in love.

sley_13

Date posted: 23w

ROCD

I’ve been with my partner for almost a year now, and my rocd has become really really bad. I keep feeling like I fell out of love and I just have eyes for other people now, and that I would rather be with someone else. It feels like I’m infatuated with other people and it makes me so guilty. It’s been so hard for me because it’s hard to tell if it’s just my brain convincing me I don’t love my partner or if this is really my desire. The biggest fear I have is hurting my partner, so there’s also a sense of urgency that I need to tell them how I’ve been feeling to prevent myself from leading them on I guess. This is compounded with a history of porn addiction that still affects me and makes me feel like I’m more attracted to others. Has anyone else been in this position? I feel like I’m alone and that this is the sign that I’m terrible and shouldn’t be with my partner and that the end of our relationship is inevitable. I can’t tell if I really love them or not and if I really want to still be with them and I hate that I’m having that doubt.

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