Jekyll and Hyde

Yes

Uh why is there a flag on my comment....

@🌊☀️ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ☀️🌊 I didn’t do it. Merry Christmas!

@Green Dragon Merry Christmas I hope your having a great day

@🌊☀️ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ☀️🌊 You too! How are you feeling?

@Green Dragon I just broke down to my mom but same as usual

@🌊☀️ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ☀️🌊 Sorry to hear that

@Green Dragon Hey can u talk

@🌊☀️ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ☀️🌊 Yes for sure

@Green Dragon I keep thinking about that moment were I felt like I actually though that younger person was attractive.... Does this mean I'm a p word because like I've been sleeping all day and I barely eaten anything please tell me that's false attraction because it was litterly even checking my feelings when I was watching the movie with my mom and kept looking at the younger persons face just to see if I felt anything and I did and I even just accepted the feeling😭 like is that a false feeling because it felt Real and I was litterly looking at the face and I didn't even get anxiety in that moment like I liked it but I was getting light headed and every time they kept coming up on screen I kept replacing the thoughts with aww so adorable I still even feel like I like the feeling and now I cannot stop thinking about this I didn't start dwelling on this until I was going to sleep earlier and now I feel like I'm attracted and that's scary but I keep checking and checking and purposely imaging the younger person in my mind to see if I feel anything it's like I do but I don't idk...😭😭 but it feels like I actually do I'm scared I don't want this to be who I sm I was doing just fine I only wanted to watch that movie as an exposure and now Idk if I'm the same person as I was like can ocd make u feel physical like u want something because it feels like I do and I feel like I'm denying how I really feel

@🌊☀️ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ☀️🌊 Like this cannot be happening I don't want anyone on this app to think I'm a monster i dont know what to do idk what to do and the worst part is that I'm not even scared I feel fine but I'm calm as I'm typing this and on this inside I feel anxious when I think of the this time it's a different person but I get anxiety thinking about it is this who I am I have even been crying to my mom like I'm upset about the fact tha t I feel like I liked this and deep down I feel like I do and I'm denying and suppressing my emotions but Idk it's scary

@🌊☀️ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ☀️🌊 I don’t think you are a monster. These are just thoughts that are making you anxious. I think you are a wonderful person who suffers with OCD. Did you start the erp?

@Green Dragon No I start Monday and what aboutbthe things I felt?!?!

@🌊☀️ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ☀️🌊 This is OCD. There is no crime against thinking anything.

@🌊☀️ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ☀️🌊 Are you still there

@Green Dragon - yes im saying what about the things i felt

@🌊☀️ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ☀️🌊 I thinks it’s coming from the OCD. You are not a bad person. You are a good person who has OCD and I know it sucks

@Green Dragon How am I supposed to move on with my life feeling that I found that attractive and the though too ....Like wtf I was fine last week it just keeps getting worse I feel like I'm on the edge of becoming that bad person it's getting worse like it's just like I slipped and blacked out and didn't care in that moment but I still kept replacing the thoughts with aww adorable...

@🌊☀️ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ☀️🌊 The issue is your anxiety. The ocd is coming after your anxiety towards this. This makes you a good person not bad. I know these thoughts are overwhelming you. You need to take away their power.

@🌊☀️ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ☀️🌊 Haven’t you found an actor attractive? But you didn’t do anything about it.

@Green Dragon Yes but not in that way he's a younger person and the fact that I felt that in that moment and didn't even get anxiety about it in that moment says something like Idk if it was a false feeling u know how u look at someone and your like oh so and so and u habe these feelings and then ur like wait a minute wtf!? No that's what it was like instead I felt light headed I didn't start dwelling on it until in the morning time

@🌊☀️ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ☀️🌊 These are thoughts. Yes I know how horrible they are, but thoughts are not actions.

@Green Dragon But they still feel real

@Green Dragon Is it still OCD that I dwelling on the fact that I think I liked it genuinely liked or was attracted and didn't have anxiety in the moment but now I'm panicking because I didn't react in that moment can anxiety come later in OCD I mean I still kept replacing thoughts in my head saying aww adorable and I felt lightheaded but like I was calm and accepting of it and it felt Real

@🌊☀️ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ☀️🌊 Like I don't want to be a p word I have done checking and checking multiple times and I felt something but I knew it wasn't real but this time it felt Real I don't understand what's so different about this time

@🌊☀️ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ☀️🌊 Your not. Your fear is about that. Those type of thoughts come all the time, but you have ocd so that grabs hold of the thought and won’t let go.

@🌊☀️ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ☀️🌊 The goal is not to let the thoughts cripple you.

@Green Dragon Did you go to the therapist today?

@Green Dragon Happy new year!

@Green Dragon You are never too far gone. Start slow. Take a shower, breathe, and relax!

@Green Dragon Ik it can feel scary right now but it gets better! OCD has a cruel way of making you feel small and helpless but your not! You are strong and worthy!! Keep on fighting

No I'm about to start next week on monday

I just actually though I was getting better.... but it just comes back the fake feelings thoughts everything I was litterly normal before all of this it last week I though it was getting better but nope it just keeps coming back I feel like it's getting worse I don't even want to talk about what happened every time I go outside because it bothers me a lot I feel like I'm suppressing something

@🌊☀️ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ☀️🌊 What areas are these thoughts hitting you? Nothing specific but generally speaking?

@🌊☀️ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ☀️🌊 In my chest and stomach....it's the worst

@🌊☀️ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ☀️🌊 Sorry I was talking about where it is hitting you mentally? For those physical pains remember to take deep breaths into your stomach.

@Green Dragon Is hitting me everywhere I don't think I have OCD anymore because I've been worrying about this way to much I litterly watched a movie with my mom and it had younger kids in it and there was this younger one like a middle schooler and I'm scared because I was trying to see if I was attracted like I keep checking and checking it's so bad and I litterly was getting anxiety and but feeling in my stomach and then a though in my mind was like he's kinda and I'm just like I ignore it because that's weird and gross I litterly keep doing compulsions to get rid of the thoughts too but the worst part about is is that I felt like I wanted to think that but I know I didn't want to I litterly kept replacing stuff in my mind and saying are so adorable like something innocent but I feel like this is getting worse

@🌊☀️ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ☀️🌊 Like can OCD make you feel something that is genuine but it's like no that's not what I desire because it goes against your Morales like no I don't like that....that's disgusting

@🌊☀️ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ☀️🌊 That is definitely OCD. I wish there was a place we could text in real time to get deeper into it. The one thing I would say is trust in your therapist on Monday. It will be hard but I think it will be a good start. The therapists are well trained in OCD and will help you. I know you are strong, and that strength will also help you.

@Green Dragon But it feels like I am actually attracted like it might feels like real attraction like I've never felt this way before I've been around kids all my life and I've NEVER ever felt anything but it's just I think of the compulsion I did now my brain has tricked me into thinking and feeling like I desire this crap like I never have and I don't want to feel like this like when I look at a child now all I can see is their features and crap and I used to be like are so adorable and then move one and now brain is like making Them look older and its creepy.... I don't want to think about that I hope this is just OCD because wtf..

@Green Dragon And sometimes I have to purposly expose myself to look at them so it can go away or so I don't feel anything but that always seems to make it worse I just don't know what to do. It's scary I've never had this problem because I would always watch movies with kids in it like I would get anxiety and sometimes look away but never feel like I was attracted because I know I'm not it's just crazy how a compulsion can make you spiral

@🌊☀️ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ☀️🌊 You said it just now. “Your brain tricked you”. That is how ocd works. It grabs that fear and uses it to make you hold onto it in your thoughts.

@🌊☀️ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ☀️🌊 Yes that’s very true. The compulsion spirals out of control. You are a great person. I would say get ready for the therapy. Like I said with a therapist and your strength you will get this in perspective.

@Green Dragon And honestly I don't even get intrusive thoughts of the younger people like I did weeks ago but it's like if I don't think about it and distract myself I don't feel anything at all amd i domt care but when i purposly do think about it it comes back the anxiety and stuff

@🌊☀️ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ☀️🌊 What happens if you think about robbing a bank?

@Green Dragon Nothing I think about stuff like that sometimes but it doesn't give me the much same anxiety like I would never do that

@🌊☀️ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ☀️🌊 So thinking about doing something bad like robbing a bank doesn’t make you rob a bank. The only difference is the anxiety. You are a wonderful person. I think the world of you. ERP is there to lessen the anxiety. Embrace it on Monday, and know that I’m always here for you

@🌊☀️ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ☀️🌊 Are you feeling any better today?

@Green Dragon I'm still having anxiety and a little bit of worry I just woke up sorry

@🌊☀️ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ☀️🌊 I’m here if you need someone to vent too

@Green Dragon I litterly don't feel like myself anymore I feel like my body is changing this has been going on for months now and I feel like a completely different person than I was like I can't stop thinking about if I genuinely felt attraction to the younger person in the movie like I still have to check and imagine the person in my mind to see if I'm actually attracted and its like... Like this feels genuine is this part of OCD because wtf... Can it make you create and feels things that aren't real because there's no way like I can't do this...

@🌊☀️ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ☀️🌊 Yes OCD can make you question your worst fears. But you are strong and seeking erp. The therapist will guide you through these thoughts.

@🌊☀️ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ☀️🌊 What are you doing today?

@Green Dragon I'm out with my mom we were doing Amazon

@🌊☀️ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ☀️🌊 Is there an Amazon store over there?