I’ll never get better

I’ve felt the weight of trying all the things and having nothing work. I know what it’s like to feel like it won’t get better. And I hated all the advice I got. It felt like people didn’t understand the hopelessness that comes with battling this. What honestly helped me, was resting from trying new things all the time, and just listening to my body and giving it what it needed even if it didn’t make sense… So like for example, I just slept and watched tv for awhile until I wanted to start doing things again… and I just naturally woke up. And I don’t know how to describe it, but things kind of got better on its own 🤷🏼‍♀️ some of this I’ve been struggling for over a decade. All that to say, i think it’s wise and brave that you are going inpatient. I would just say, you’re not alone. I will be thinking and sending positivity (I’m a Christian, so I will send prayers, but if that’s not your vibe that’s ok) And I lived for a long time thinking things would never get better, and they did for me. I believe they will for you. Hang in there. One thing I did that helped was to just set manageable little goals. And I would take things a day at a time. So one day, my goal was to shower and eat. Another it was to just clean out my car. Another to fix up my resume. Etc. just ask yourself, what’s one small thing I can push myself to do, that I either have capacity for, or almost have capacity for. Or break up your day into chunks??? Anyways, I hated getting unsolicited advice and encouragement when I was struggling, so feel free to keep what you need and discard what you don’t. You matter! And the world needs/wants you around.

I’m shocked they let you out not on medication. Listen to me, if you’re that miserable- what do you have to lose with taking the meds ? Maybe you’ll have side effects BUT MAYBE itll give you your life back. We often only see the bad but the unknowns are sometimes amazing opportunities. I read something about “there being something in the bushes” when you have ocd and the thing is is yes it could be a tiger but what if it’s just a puppy or kitty saying hi ? Good things can come from uncertainty. Hang in there. Please reach out and call a crisis hotline if needed.

Also, I AM SO PROUD OF YOU doing a residential program. That shows how brave you are. Take it minute by minute if you need.

I used to be scared of serotonin syndrome too but like I remind myself that if things really did get bad and I didn’t feel good, I can go to ER then. So many people take antidepressants with no issues (aside from some side effects) so I just took the plunge. I think if it’s getting that bad then try it out and see, have someone close to you monitor you if you need to go to the hospital.