Feeling like the way I dress, the way I look, the way I put my hair, the way I walk is all masculine qualities about myself. Therefore I must be gay. I really hate this theme. I would like to hear successful stories of those who struggled with this theme and recovered and if you can share some times on how I can move forward from this.
Update- I’m in ERP now
Tips* not times
Same
Hey! I understand every word you have said here. It all makes so much sense and it all feels like you have written how I feel in this text. I used to sit crying in the mirror before college wondering why my mind always thinks I'm so masculine and then my mind would think that it is my answer to everything and that my intrusive thoughts are real. BUT IT DOSENT MEAN ANYTHING! Any sexuality does not have a dress code, a colour theme, a certain height, a certain age, a hairstyle, wether you wear makeup or not! It doesn't mean any of that. If you are a female and wear a slick back bun, no makeup, mens tracksuits and a pair of trainers that doesn't mean your a lesbian and it also doesn't mean your straight, it actually has no corilation between any of them. How you present yourself it not about sexuality yet because we have stereotypes online and in real life we feel so scared to be mistaken for a different one or mistaken for one we fear. I never used to wear any type of bun in my hair because I was scared to look like a lesbian but then I always remember seeing my friends with there hair like that and not at one point did I ever think oh there a lesbian so think and speak to yourself like you are doing so to a friend. Any other questions just ask, I'm here for you. 💌
Omg samee
Same I feel like I “look lesbian” based on the way I dress and stuff but I have always considered myself as straight or “maybe pan but I’ll figure it out at some point”
I’m currently struggling with a different theme, but I did have such success with ERP and SOOCD (I used to call it HOCD). The therapy truly changed my life! It’s hard to see while you’re in it, but your brain is so jumbled and hyperactive. Every thought makes perfect sense to you, and your brain and body are going to rationalize it to fit into the puzzle. The truth is, although I date men, enjoy men, and believe myself to be straight, I may not be. It’s the hardest thing to get yourself to think, but eventually you’ll see that the thoughts will slow down and get quiet. Lean into uncertainty!! Like fully just lean in. Sit in the anxiety
So, I’m gay, but I have obsessive thoughts about being straight. The idea of being with a man is not something that I find appealing, but a mix of OCD and compulsory heterosexuality causes a lot of anxiety for me. Does anyone else have similar issues? If so, do you have any advice on how to cope?
Okayed me start off by day I’m not seeking reassurance so don’t give it to me . I just need to know that I’m not alone in this trans theme . This is the second month that I had this theme . It has completely ruined me . I’m not going to lie it has me a bit suicidal I feel like I’m going insane and I feel like I’m a whole different person. Like I just turned into a boy out of nowhere . And it feels very real . And I can’t even look at myself in the mirror anymore without second guessing myself . My brain will either tell me I look like a boy or tell me I am one . I don’t like it . But I feel like I just have to try to deal with it now . Like maybe I am a boy now ? It pains to have to “accept” something like this because I know deep down inside no matter how real it feels , I am Naja Demsyn . But my brain just won’t stop no matter what I do . I stoped the googling , I stopped the compulsions, I’ve tried the sarcasm and it still will not go away . I feel like it’s erasing my entire life . I’ve been a girl for 18 years and never questioned it and did what I enjoyed . I was happy the way I was . I had minor insecurities but I was confident as a girl growing into a woman . I wanted a husband and to be married with kids . I looked up to other woman like Beyoncé and Michelle Obama . I wanted to be like my sisters . I liked doing things like getting my nails and hair done . It made me feel good . And all of that was taken from me . It tells me I hate my body , I hate my face . Can’t stop getting images of myself as a boy . Tells me I’m not really In love with my boyfriend and I never liked boys . It’s told me that I was really like this my entire life . Sometimes it even makes up little scenarios of the past as if I’ve questioned my gender before . This has to be the worst theme that has ever happened to me . I legit can not take it . I feel like I won’t recover from this and I am going to be forced to be something I never wanted to be and live unhappy. And this is where the suicidal thoughts come in . If I can’t be myself than what’s the point of living ? It associates me with Every man I see as if I am there equal . And I’m not and I don’t want to be . And I keep praying that it will go away and nothing works . I don’t know what else to do my options are getting limited I’m getting more depressed and life is getting so much more evil than it was before . Someone please give me some kind of advice at least on how to deal with this or what may happen to me . I’m scared , I’m lonely and I feel like dying .
Ok so my main theme is SOOCD and it eats me alive. When I was being bullied in school I became obsessed with talking to strangers on Omegle and began sexting people- including girls and idk if it’s because I thought it was wrong in my head or something which is why I enjoyed it? But immediately after I’d be like ew can’t believe I did that because I was just so horny for everything. I also watched lesbian porn too so this is something that I did for a couple of years since I was 16 but never something I wanted to do in real life. At the time I didn’t care it was some fun but I’m really traumatised by it ever since. I know I’m straight but my mind tells me because I did this online in the past there is no way I am straight. I feel so alone in the world I’ve been to therapy, had advice from several people but I just can’t listen to anyone because I know I’m the only one who has done that. I feel like it is sooooo hard to move past real events when you have OCD because people’s worst fear for me actually happened. So my OCD will forever convince me that I’m gay because of these events. I hate myself so much and always have- I don’t see a way past this and my life is slowly going downhill in every aspect because of it.
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