My OCD is making me feel like I have another identity in my head and I hate it. It’s like who I was in the past is slowly deteriorating and this new person with new thoughts is taking over and it’s so frightening I just want to die I can’t handle this anymore
Just know that you’re not alone. It’s a horrible feeling but remember that no feeling is final. Sending much love
Also I am just including, just in case, in case you need extra support-This sounds like it has been really hard for you. I’m sorry you are going through this difficult time. NOCD is not a crisis service. I’m going to provide you with some resources that may help you address what you are sharing with me. Emergency Phone Numbers United States - Dial 9-1-1 U.K. - Dial 9-9-9 Australia - Dial 0-0-0 Canada - https://itgetsbettercanada.org/get-help/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline - Chat https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat/ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline Call 800-273-8255 https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, help is available. Call or text 988 or chat 988lifeline.org Need Someone To Talk To? Warm Line https://warmline.org/warmdir.html
I’m so sorry, I know that doesn’t help but I definitely feel similarly and it’s so terrifying 😔
@Overdramaticoliver It’s ok, it’s like everytime I try to get back my old identity my mind won’t let me it’s so terrifying and I’m starting to think what if it’s not OCD
@KrispyKream I constantly think “what if it’s not the OCD” as well. One of the scariest parts
I want you to know that you can handle this, you are stronger than you think. People with OCD often feel like they cannot tolerate certain feelings even know they can. Don't give up. You can live a life that is based on your values and you can get to a place where it is so much better than what you feel right now in this moment. here are some articles that may be helpful. Please know that so many people have gotten better from OCD- I am one of them. There is so much hope. With the right treatment, you can experience relief from this debilitating disorder. https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/why-should-i-sit-in-discomfort, https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/mental-compulsions-the-unseen-battle, https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/how-to-deal-with-guilt-and-shame-from-ocd Please reach out of you would like to learn more about ERP and OCD treatment at NOCD. Our Care Team will typically begin with a 15-minute call to discuss treatment, answer any questions you have, and book your first appointment. Please feel free to schedule a convenient time that works best for you here: https://learn.nocd.com/scheduler
My heart goes out to you, KrispyKream, I know what you're experiencing. Just try to keep in mind the big picture, which is: it's all OCD. It's not a reflection on you, your character, intent, etc. It's ALL OCD. And, yes, you're stronger than you think you are. Know why? Because you're in treatment, and it will eventually make you stronger and the the awful thoughts will gradually diminish. Just keep plugging and use the ERP tools. Stay in therapy. Always remember that it's not the content that matters, it's how you react to it.
I hated how weak I felt as a kid. Now I can’t seem to separate my younger self from who I am today
@Anonymous I got tired of getting thrown in the bushes every day. So I started working out. People now apologize when they bump into me. I look intimidating now. But, in reality I’m a giant teddy bear.
I struggled with this for about a year. The more ERP I began doing, the better it got until I started feeling like a single person again. you aren't alone ❤️
I relate very much to this. I've felt that way a lot and still do some weeks, even though I'm getting better. OCD isn't who you are. I have given my OCD a little character to help create a little distance which I find helpful. My OCD is a little twerp who kind of looks like the Inside Out character "Anger". I talk to him when he shows up to feed me BS intrusive thoughts. It makes my non-engagement responses a little easier. I know it feels like it takes over, but remind yourself that you are not your OCD. We don't get to control thoughts or feelings, only how we react and what actions we take. The more you push back on OCD, the easier it gets and the less distressing it'll be. We are here for you!
I used to draw a lot and design characters, I've been thinking about personifying my ocd in a similar way. But I'm worried that doing that will split my mind even further or lead me to developing d.i.d.
@ReadyForImprovement It’s horrible, I feel like I’m not a woman anymore even though I have never ever felt that way about myself. My best friend has been through my OCD struggle with me, especially back when I had Harm OCD and used to wake up shaking and crying every night, but this is so different it’s a direct attack on my femininity and identity and it’s so hard because it’s like I can’t even look at myself in the mirror because my brain keeps telling me I shouldn’t look that way. Some days I just want to give up I feel like I’ll never get over this.
Recently I’ve been stuck in this very odd and different feeling. I feel like I’m losing my identity. It feels like everything I ever wanted like a career, relationship etc., is something I no longer want and my fear is I want to be what my obsessions are. It’s really freaking me out because it feels so real. It feels like I don’t even know who I am anymore. It feels like I’m turning into this horrible monster and that the thoughts are just overtaking me. I don’t know how to get out of this. Please send any helpful guidance.
I am not sure how to even describe what I am going through. And even typing this, I feel like a liar and feel like this is not even OCD. I have Harm OCD. I have had the thoughts, urges, and images. It has felt so real and so scary. I have been able to use ERP for all of that and was mainly successful. But now something new is happening and it does not feel like it is OCD. I cannot even put into words what it feels like, but I will try. It feels like the thoughts have overtaken me and now I’m this evil person who will act on the thoughts. My anxiety is not super high, which scares me because it feels like I have gone too far into the dark side. It feels like I have had these thoughts too long and they are all I can think about. It feels like I’m no longer myself and my identity has changed. I feel very weird. Like not even myself. It feels like there is this dark cloud following me and I try to use ERP but it does not feel like it is working. Not sure if I am ruminating or not because I have no idea what is even going on. I am living my life still, but it feels like it is just a matter of time until I snap. I am very scared right now because I’m not sure what this means and I cannot figure it out. I wish I could explain it perfectly but I do not even know how to put it into words.
I don’t know what happened but I feel like my OCD is back and I’m crying because I’ve been doing so good and now I feel like all of a sudden it’s back and I don’t want to go down this path again because it was really dark time for me and I was doing good like and I’m getting my medicine switched and I started a new one tomorrow but I don’t know I feel like there’s a spell on me. I can’t go through this again and I am crying I just I can’t go through this hell hole again and I really need help in advice to say strong during this because I can’t do this like I can’t do this again I can’t I hate how my brain is like so mad and just yells at me like I have to think about this in order for her to go away like no I don’t want to think about it but if I don’t think about whatever it wants me to think about, it’s like gets louder and louder in my head, and like the more urgent, feeling of having to think about it, in order to go away, I know it’s OCD I know it’s OCD and then like what if it’s not OCD like no if I don’t wanna think about something obviously it’s OCD it’s OCD it’s always OCD whatever my brain wants me to think about and it gets louder and louder. It’s just it’s OCD bro it’s OCD, I think I am going on a spiral and I just really need help like I’m tired of my OCD wanting to think about things and then saying it’s not OCD when it’s literally OCD
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