How can I cope with SI OCD fears on my wedding day?

This is just kind of a rant but any encouragement would be so much appreciated, thank you ❤️ I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3 years. He is incredible, kind, funny, smart, hardworking, so so loving-just an extremely good person. In 2021 I developed or at least recognized my OCD. I’ve been diagnosed with OCD, anxiety and depression, definitely quite the list. Each of these conditions mingle with each other and make life very difficult at times. At the beginning it centered around me being a bad person but slowly grew to be relationship OCD. I have fears that I don’t really love him, I’m not actually attracted to him, I’m going to cheat on him, he doesn’t make me happy or that he would be better without me and is a better person than me. Lately I have this fear that one day not to far away he will prepose to me and I won’t be excited. Or that he will feel more for me then I do for him, or that I will have to fake my excitement. I have this vision of myself feeling nothing when he asks me and having to fake it. It’s just such a sickening thought to imagine not feeling the intense joy I always knew I would feel if he proposed to me. It’s so strange because before I had bad OCD I used to dream of that day, I would ask if he thought he might prepose to me one day and if his answer wasn’t certain enough I would feel very sad. It’s terrible because I’ll get depressed and feel nothing positive for any aspect of the world-including my relationship, but OCD will take that and twist it into me not feeling anything positive for him. Which will in turn make me feel more depressed. You ever just want to hide and pause the world for a little while so you can catch your breath? It feels like the weeks go by so slowly but still suddenly I’m nearly grown up.

After having a peaceful couple weeks, I'm panicked and on edge. I'm getting married in a few weeks and I feel like I'm going to throw up. I feel like I *NEED* to know my sexuality. My current therapist doesn't think I have OCD, only that I have an attachment wound that needs healing. I don't really have parents anymore and only some of my family are attending the wedding. I suspect I have SO-OCD, because of the desperate need to know if I'm bisexual or secretly a lesbian. Ever since spiraling again, *every* thought goes back to questioning my sexuality, or the sexuality of others. I even get triggered by seeing hugging sisters. Before I thought I had SO-OCD, I was desperately trying to figure out if my partner was "the one". Now that I'm engaged the theme has changed and now I need to figure out my sexuality. I'm not looking for reassurance but I guess posting here gives some kind of relief. What can someone do in my situation? I feel like there's a timer to everything and I need to know ASAP. I don't want to start ERP right now. Can NOCD still help without doing ERP? Thank you, thank you x

I can't seem to stop ruminating on my fiances past experiences and sexual encounters. We get married in 24 days and I'm sick to my stomach daily thinking about her past and the possibility of us not working out and me being abandoned again like I always am. I have done bad things in going through my spouses phone and deleting and blocking people from her past and I'm not even entirely sure she knows I've done that. I have brought up things in her phone that I have found that bother me and when I do she gets very angry. But my OCD won't allow me to not keep digging to find the reason why I am not enough for her like I haven't been for everyone else in my life. Seeing her talk about past sexual partners in private conversations has killed my soul because I can't compare or compete with those people on that plane. Feel like I'm drowning and losing the only important things in my life due to this sickness.