18+

A bit of a private question/vent. Im absolutely terrified that i wont enjoy sex with another man and that i wont like the touch of a man. im quite young and im scared that i’ll be a virgin for a long time because i haven’t even dated anyone before. i’ve liked boys in the past but it never got any further apart from talking stages. Also i see people losing their virginity’s at 16/17/18 and im scared that ill still be a virgin while the rest of my friends will be more experienced and be in relationships. Is this normal to be stressing about at my ages (14)? Any advice would be greatly appreciated

Sexual Orientation OCD

Scott328

Date posted: 2y

Ok, first of all, there’s nothing wrong with being a virgin! I was a virgin until I was 22 years old. Second of all, I got HOCD for the first time when I was 15, which was before I ever had a serious girlfriend and I had that exact fear “what if I don’t enjoy being with a girl when the time comes?”. I had always wanted to date girls, had crushes on tons of girls growing up, the thought of being with a guy never crossed my mind. I had tons of guy friends that I hung out with all the time and I never had romantic feelings for them. Anyways, when I got into high school, I was determined to get a girlfriend because that’s what I wanted. So I after chasing a few girls around, I eventually got one to like me, and I really enjoyed being with her in every way! I felt like my life was complete. Keep in mind, this entire time I had no idea that I had OCD. I thought I was being tempted by the devil to be gay (because I’m very religious). But how could the devil tempt me to do something that brought insane anxiety and disgust to me and appeared to totally ruin my life? Anyways. Just know that you’re not alone. OCD comes and goes for me, and I’m dealing with it right now as I type this, but I’m not gonna let it win. Hang in there. If you need someone to talk to, I’m here for ya.

Idk1111

Date posted: 2y

@Scott328 thankyou so much! im so worried that ill never experience anything romantic with another man and the cherry on top is i have this subtype of OCD so it causes me to stress even more. Im just going to focus on the now and stop worrying so much about the future

Scott328

Date posted: 2y

@Idk1111 Honestly! OCD is so tough! So I’m right there with you. At a time, my OCD had me 100% convinced that no matter how much I loved being intimate or romantic with my wife, that all of a sudden I no longer enjoyed it and I’ll never be straight again. And that was the killer for me. It felt like someone had ripped my life away from me. Not only my life but everything about me! I thought my life was over. I was ready to end my life. Thank goodness I didn’t. Because although I’ve fought tooth and nail, some days feeling like I’m swimming up a raging river, I no longer believe those thoughts. So be patient with yourself and (I know I’m not supposed to give reassurance) just know that everything’s gonna be ok. It might feel like you have no hope, but that’s a symptom of OCD. So all these feelings that feel so “real”? They’re all just symptoms. So think of it like that. Understand the cycle of OCD too! And you’ll be able to see it working over and over and recognize it for what it is. If you don’t have hope, create hope. Stick to your values and the things that make you YOU when you’re not in an ocd spike. Because that’s the true you.

Idk1111

Date posted: 2y

@Scott328 Thank you your such great help because being a lesbian is something i don’t want at all and while theres nothing wrong with it, it just feels uncomfortable for me and annoying. I don’t really stress that much about it anymore but it still pops up in my head daily and it gets on my nerves because i just want to be able to go at least one day without it popping up in my head

Scott328

Date posted: 2y

@Idk1111 I feel the exact same way. And one day, you’re gonna realize “oh! Hey! I haven’t thought about that in months!” And it’s gonna be amazing. I’ve been there before, and I’m currently working on getting there again. If the question comes into your mind as a “what if…” and there’s a sense of urgency that you need to stop what you’re doing and figure it out right this second, then it’s 99.9% your OCD. Before OCD came into my life I was super happy and loved life, and when those thoughts came into my head, I became what felt like a shell of my former self. And I mourned that like I had lost a family member or something. But I now realize that that was simply OCD trying to make me miserable. And that’s what I was. Miserable. It honestly almost took my life. But I’m in recovery now and I’m so glad I made the decision to fight and get my life back.

ughhhh

Date posted: 25w

I feel gross interacting with adult content.

18+ people with this thread please. I just want some advice from people who have experienced this. Its been almost 2 years since my real event and i can confidently say that i feel a bit better about that and my thoughts. (We still have bad moments but we recover.) but, ever since then and before, i feel nasty and gross whenever i engage or interact with adult content. Like this nasty guilt or feeling like i cant interact with it because then my ocd says “this proves that your thoughts are true and your perverse” and after i always feel empty and disgusting. Besides things like that, i read adult fan fiction sometimes or even write stories for my original characters. And yesterday i shared these stories with a close in person friend of mine. (Were both in college) and they were fine about it we laughed about it but then after i felt guilty-my brain was telling me “you traumatized her she just doesn’t wanna tell you” obliviously this isn’t true but im having a hard time believing it and this morning i woke up with a deep dread that i hurt a friend and im horrible. I can say that they’re more positive about these things then me and i think thats why we got into the conversation and i felt comfortable to share these stories but i just can’t get over it. I have a strong urge to ask for reassurance but i know it wont help. I literally have no one else to talk to about this. Ive spoken to my therapist about this guilt with adult content and we have yet to expand on it especially how it goes hand in hand with my asexuality. My therapist tells me its human to feel things like this and its ok to perform self care like that and again-im a human person its usually normal for 19 year olds to be like this especially for someone my age but i dont feel normal. I feel nasty. Does anyone else feel this way? How did you confront this guilt and how did you feel comfortable again interacting with these feelings and actions again? I dont really have a desire to do s*xual things often (im on the asexual spectrum) but when i do i dont want to feel like this. Especially when my ocd types effect it. Advice is needed and appreciated thank you for your help.

Anonymousssssss

Date posted: 21w

Can someone please offer words of advice :(

Why are things so real the first time they’re in my mind and then when I think about it later it’s easier for me to be like wtf?? I was watching a movie earlier and the young girl had developed more in the chest area than the last movie and I felt the desire to check her out so I did. Then later I let myself imagine her having sex and I liked it. But now looking back I’m like ew. The boys in the movie have also developed as the movie went on and I couldn’t help but think that in their real life they’ve probably woken up to boners and s*men and stuff. And looking back it’s just ugh. Idk if it’s sexual relevance but I genuinely let myself indulge in these thoughts and groinal responses and I remember thinking to myself I don’t want to be attracted to little kids and how do I stop myself (everyone has attractive qualities so in younger boys I see man like qualities). Idk I need help. I wouldn’t type this out if I truly believe I was messed up but I’m still scared

idkwhatusern...

Date posted: 19w

I’m questioning sexuality even though I’m young

Sort of a rant that probably sounds stupid and I’m kind of seeking reassurance… I’m still a relatively young teenager so I know I’ve got time to work all this out but I’m really confused about my sexuality. (I’m a girl) I’ve never been in a relationship (I don’t know if I want to be which is why I’m writing this) and sometimes I feel like I’ve never really had a crush and I just convinced myself that I did because I wanted to feel normal… but then maybe that’s false memory ocd??? I don’t really want to be in a long term relationship with a guy and idk about girls but idk if that’s just cos of my age??? Some days I hate the idea of ever dating, marrying or doing anything sexual. Other days I wish my mental / physical health was better so I could date someone! Everything I feel goes up and down a lot and idk why!? I have bad sexual intrusive thoughts that make me unsure whether anything that I think is real and my parents recently split up after not getting along for a few years. I don’t know if it’s my age, my ocd, my parents bad relationship, my sexuality (am I attracted to guys, girls? Am I ace!!!!???) Or something else but I have no idea who I am and I KNOW I’m young and have time but some other perspectives might help???? Can I ever be in a relationship if I have ocd like this? Also I’m really struggling not to compulsively seek reassurance and I don’t know who to talk to about all this irl I know I probably shouldn’t share this with random strangers but also idek if I care anymore 😭

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

18+

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community