I need insight

Okay so there’s been a few times where my boyfriend has hit me lightly across the face always in a jokey way and never hard. However I cry every time because my ocd says it’s abuse (you know what ocd is like 🙄) I told him not to do it cause I don’t like it. However I jokely hit myself a lot and pull my hair out pick my nails etc and he hates it because to him “I’m self harming myself” so he hits me across the face (not hard just a tap) as he says to him it’s okay in that context cause it’s to stop me from doing it to myself and he says “it’s like telling a kid to not have chocolate but having it yourself. Today, He pushed my head away jokely cause I said a joke to him about him and I said I told you not to and he said “it wasn’t your face” I asked him why he does my face and he says he does ir on purpose as he thinks the context he does it in is okay as he does it cause im hitting myself and he said “it’s like telling a kid not to eat chocolate but then eating it yourself” he means cause I tell him not to hit me but I hit myself or pull my hair out and he says it’s no difference… He says when I bring it up it’s like I’m always picking a fight Is this ok? He’s a lovely boyfriend and has never ever gave me any other problems.. it’s just this one thing. It’s never hard it’s just a tap. Should I worry or is my ocd interfering with this.

Is anyone else struggling with the “What if my partner is abusive?” I have been obsessing over this for 3 weeks. My brain is on overdrive trying to recall every incident within our relationship to determine if it was abusive behavior. My partner is not perfect but I truly don’t believe he is abusive. There are three incidents that I have been obsessing over and my brain tries to tell me it is abuse and I need to leave. First incident - I accused him of smoking cigarettes with my friends and he grabbed my arm not in an aggressive manner but more of let’s go over to your friends so they can tell you I wasn’t smoking. Other Incidents - We’ve had stupid arguments and he tried to make me laugh by playfully manhandling me or kissing me. This has happened about 3 times. It is playful and never physically hurt me but I get triggered. I start asking myself questions like was that too rough? Was he being abusive? Was he trying to intimidate me? Is this how abuse starts? Did he do something abusive but I’m in denial? Am I overacting to normal behavior in playful relationships? Am I gaslighting myself into believing he isn’t abusive? These questions are driving me crazy. I do not feel scared of my boyfriend and I trust him. I have talked to him about all this and he listens and has stopped the behavior that triggered me. I even found a list of abusive behavior on Google and we went through it together. I keep brining it up and it is causing a strain in our relationship. He doesn’t even want to touch me anymore.

Hi all. I’m writing this because I can’t stop spiraling and I don’t know who to talk to without feeling judged. I (27F) have OCD, so emotional safety and perceived red flags are something I hyper-analyze. My boyfriend (24M) and I are in a long-distance relationship, Im just on vacation right now . We’ve had our ups and downs, but overall, it’s a loving connection. That’s why this particular moment is bothering me so much. Last night, we were on a video call, flirting. At one point I said, “Go to the bathroom first,” before things got more intimate (he has a roommate and wanted privacy). After a few minutes, he came back and said, “Okay I’m alone.” But I hesitated. I was acting playfully shy and holding back. That’s when he said something like, “You said if I went to the bathroom, you’d show me something. This isn’t my (my name)—she’s not shy with me.” He said it smiling, and I was smiling too, but later it started to gnaw at me. My OCD kicked in. I started spiraling: Did that cross a line? Was that pressuring? I brought it up to him, and while he tried to be supportive, I could tell he was caught off guard. He said something like, “I’m trying my best to support you, but I feel sad that you would think I’d ever pressure you like that.” And then, in what he admitted later was a “dumb joke,” he said: “I’m not like your dad—I won’t get mad if you say no or disagree with something.” (For context: I’ve told him before about my father’s anger issues from my childhood. It’s a very sensitive topic.) I got upset and told him never to bring my father into things like that. He immediately apologized and said, “I realized it right after—that the thing I said as a joke to get you out of overthinking was serious. I’m so sorry again, and I feel really bad right now. I respect you and I respect everyone in your family.” After that, he was very gentle. We stayed on the call for a while longer, I felt heard, and we ended things with “I love you.” But today I still feel emotionally sore. Not because I think he’s abusive or manipulative—he isn’t—but because I felt something shift. He saw me cry like that for the first time, and now I feel exposed and over-analytical. My OCD brain is stuck on what if this was a red flag? Even though he apologized and explained himself, I still feel unsettled. What’s making it harder is that I haven’t even told my best friend. I usually tell her everything, but I’m scared to bring this up. I know she already has reservations about him (she’s very protective of me), and I feel like if I share this, she’ll just add it to the “reasons he’s not right for you” list. But I don’t want her judgment—I want clarity. I’m scared that sharing it will make things worse instead of better, and that’s an isolating feeling. I want this relationship to work. I don’t usually cry like that in front of people. I don’t usually feel safe enough to. And he did show up in the end. But now I don’t know how to trust myself—is this a moment to work through together, or am I ignoring something important? Would love some kind, grounded perspective. Thanks for reading.