I hate this

Hi everyone! I have severe contamination OCD, and the worst of it involves fears of my beloved 12 year old dog getting cancer later in my life due to my actions. I was recently exposed to secondhand and thirdhand smoke and as a result, I have avoided seeing my dog for over a week now. I have been struggling with this disease for a very long time and it has only gotten worse over time. I also have other contamination fears such as just being a gross human due contact with bodily fluids or not cleaning my body adequately. I feel that some fears are more anxiety provoking and worse than others. For example, I regularly take 2 hours showers. But with my fear of bodily fluids and being gross, I feel strong enough to begin ERP therapy. Because the worst case consequence is just me being gross and embarrassing myself, but nothing more severe. With my fear of my dog getting cancer due to direct or indirect exposure to harmful household products, situations, or environmental toxins, I have not been able to convince myself to start ERP therapy. This is because I know that it involves accepting uncertainty or the small possibility that my dog might indeed get cancer due to my actions, and I just can't bring myself to accept that without performing the compulsions that I think will help reduce the risk (e.g. cleaning my clothes, car, avoiding him, etc.). If someone truly loves their loved ones or pets, I don't understand how they are able to just put this fear and the very real risk of it happening aside. Even after doing ERP therapy and accepting potential exposure to harmful toxins/situations, it is not as though I will see that nothing bad has happened to him and find relief, because my fear of him getting cancer is a long-term consequence, something that will happen near the end of his life. I desperately need help but I feel that ERP therapy goes against my values, who I am as a person, and would mean that I'm intentionally ignoring the signs that my dog is in harm's way. It almost feels neglectful to me. I feel that I am bound to keep suffering the way I am. And therefore I feel stuck and paralyzed. Any help or advice that could frame the situation a different way or show me a different perspective would be much appreciated! I keep reading that for ERP therapy to be successful, one must believe in better outcomes as a result of it, but I am just not convinced. Thank you for reading! Much love to all of my fellow sufferers <3

I need a different perspective on this. I feel like I'm being run through the ringer. I'm doing what I can to avoid reassurance and not avoid triggers but I get triggered every day. I'm trying so hard to sit with the panic and the horror but it's so hard. It gets to the point I feel physically sick. Is there anything that I can do to help with this? I feel alone. I don't feel strong, I feel like a punching bag. Why is this so hard to master? I really want to know it gets easier. I've been suffering from POCD that has evolved and gotten worse and worse over the past eight months that has been torturing me multiple times on a daily basis and I feel like I'm drowning. I want to run away and hide because my life feel like it's seconds from being ruined. Please, please tell me this gets easier. That this ERP therapy will stop making me feel like I'm dying. The small moments of victory feel so brief only for me to get hit with another wave. There is so much uncertainty over such a horrific thing I feel ill. I feel afraid to be alone with my mind. Please if anyone out there can please give me tips on how to handle ERP. One moment I think I'm finally beating this thing and the next it's got me pinned and I'm terrified my life will be ruined. I want my peace back, I need help and I'm doing everything I can to resist compulsions but I feel so alone and dirty and disgusting. Please help me. Thank you for any advice 💕

i have been a shut in for months now, terrified to go outside. I got into ERP and started feeling better so i applied for a job i really wanted but now that i have an onboarding appointment tomorrow i am having the most horrible anxiety and im dissociating like crazy and i feel like i did months ago and i don’t know what to do. My ERP therapist is sick so i can’t talk to her but im genuinely freaking out because i need this job so bad (prom, birthdays, ect.) but i feel horribly sick and have so much anxiety about it. What would you guys do?