Can anyone relate to having intrusive thoughts about a healthy relationship?

Anyone relate (ROCD)

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3 years and he is an absolute angel. All throughout the relationship I would have nightmares and intrusive thoughts “what if he leaves/cheats”. And he would reassure me and treat me like the world revolves around me. Lately I’m realizing this was actually ocd and not anxiety as I had previously thought. I would get paranoid if he didn’t check his messages for a couple hours, I’d get anxious if I saw an ambulance heading toward his street while I was driving, I would ask for reassurance that he loved me constantly. Bear in mind, I have no reason to have these fears. My boyfriend is my best friend and has supported me through thick and thin and he’s amazing. One time a couple months ago I was being a bit snappy with him one night and I had the thought “only people who don’t like their partners are snappy with them” and it just stuck. Now I struggle with intrusive thoughts about my own feelings, do I love him, do I miss him enough, is my relationship going to end because this couple on social media broke up. I could deal with the thoughts about his feelings because he is so so good about making me feel loved but now I’m stuck in this constant guilt loop where I question my relationship for no reason then get anxious and feel guilty for even thinking that way because I think I’m manifesting it. Was wondering if anybody else in a healthy long term relationship has had this happen to them and how you talk yourself down :(

Relationship OCD

Username: axsmithaxsmith

Date posted: 1y ago

I was recently diagnosed with OCD in December, but can say I have been on both sides of your situation! Here is my story... My husband and I have been together since we were 14 (25 now) and when we were younger I was always panicking over him leaving me or cheating or something awful happening to him. I often had thoughts one of us would die without ever being able to say goodbye and making up all these scenarios of what could go wrong. Then last year, we had several back to back career and life changes on top of the stress of our upcoming wedding and I fell into a total spiral the other way. I constantly began questioning what the heck I was doing marrying this person, do I even know who he is (we had been together 10 years at this point, so of course I did!) but the thoughts and questions were nonstop. I began replaying the last 10 years and finding points where I was mad at him or situations we were in that proved I've been unhappy the whole time. I didnt know at the time I had OCD and what I was doing to try to mitigate it was compulsions. However, I began constantly ruminating, finding proof I still loved him by checking my feelings, and thinking everything was a sign one way or another about the choice to get married or walk away. I asked friends and family their thoughts and opinions and the overall consensus was I'm just stressed from all the things going on. So I began taking anxiety medication - which has helped the physical symptoms that result from the anxious and intrusive thoughts, but the thoughts remained up to my wedding day. The wedding did temporarily halt the questions, because I did what I was being told in my head not to do. Shortly after though, they came back with a vegence. Then I was diagnosed as OCD and things started to improve from there. It was helpful finally having a label to what I was experiencing and I immediately began researching and talking with my therapist about what I can do to get better. The hardest but most helpful thing I have done is face the thoughts head on and agree with them. "Maybe, maybe not" or "yep, you're right!" It feels scary but overtime does get easier. I also read two books on ROCD that I would definitely recommend. ROCD by Sheeva Raejee and Is She The One? By Hugh and Sophia Evans. I am still working through this theme and have a long way to go. But since beginning the process of facing the thoughts and sitting with the discomfort they cause, I have definitely noticed improvements. With time and effort, it will get better! 💕

Username: calicocookiecalicocookie

Date posted: 1y ago

I feel you so much, I've been and I'm still struggling with that theme, but I encourage you try and fight the urge of seeking reassurance. Live with the uncertainty, I know it's easier said than done but I assure you this is the way to get better from these feelings and these thoughts. You'll never be certain of the feelings others have for you, you can only believe in what they say and do to prove that so put your mind on facts and not thoughts, OCD thoughts feed on fear and doubt so the only way through is resisting and exposing yourself to the uncertainty of life.

Username: Morgan-SMorgan-S

Date posted: 1y ago

I’m going through this exact thing. It’s so hard and so draining. Whatever it tells you not to do. Do it. If your ocd says “don’t kiss him/show him affection because you don’t deserve it for having these thoughts” do it anyway. I struggle with mental compulsions and they are sneaky and hard to stop. But try not to constantly check your feelings. And if your feelings aren’t there don’t panic. Keep in mind you’re emotionally exhausted from fighting an invisible battle. I’m not sure how or when but I know that one day it’ll be ok. Keep pushing and try not to beat yourself up ❤️ OCD attacks what we care about the most.

Username: DorbzeldgeDorbzeldge

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

Yes, I am wrestling with this as well. It's really really hard, especially since I feel I have to hide most of these thoughts from my wife. I have only told her occasionally in general terms what I am experiencing; I feel it would be harmful to both of us if I told her every time I was having bad thoughts about her. But that means I'm riding this out alone, even when we're together. I can't believe my brain found such a devious way to hurt me. :(

Username: anonymous1963

Date posted: 44w ago

Rocd vs reality

How do people recognize the difference between relationship ocd intrusive thoughts and real thoughts about your relationship? I have been in a relationship for about a year, it’s my first long-term relationship and the healthiest, I am almost 20 years old, and I believe I have rocd (I haven’t been diagnosed but it’s pretty clear to me). The main thoughts I get are “what if I’ll lose feelings for my bf?, what if I don’t love him?, what if I’m gonna break his heart?” (it’s never about if he’s cheating on me or anything like that. He is a really great boyfriend and the best person to ever walk into my life, he isn’t toxic or bad in any way towards me or the relationship). Usually these thoughts occur before my period (luteal phase/pms) but I’m on day 6 of my period and I got these thoughts, which usually isn’t the case as I’ve said before. So I went into a spiral cus I believed that since I got these thoughts at a different time in my cycle, they must be true. Deep down I know I love my boyfriend so much, it’s just so hard to navigate whether or not these thoughts are just fake rocd thoughts or what I’m really thinking. Can anyone else relate?

Username: hilovely

Date posted: 42w ago

Newbie to OCD

hi so i am pretty new to discovering ocd and trying to figure out why i am feeling the way i am feeling. i’ve never been diagnosed with ocd and honestly thought my anxiety was just super bad until it started affecting the way i saw my relationship. i’ve never had this bad of anxiety in my relationship and around november of last year is whenever i started noticing the cycle of repeated thoughts of “should i break up with him?” ive been with my boyfriend for almost two years. yes we’ve been through our ups and downs and our relationship has overall been such a beautiful relationship (super healthy compared to old ones) we love each other deeply and communicate and just overall find ways to help improve our relationship healthier and i’ve had a doubt here and there throughout these years but since last November i started feeling disconnected with him a little. i started to question sometimes if i really loved him. other times i told myself and asked myself if i should break up with him. if we really loved each other. i started focusing on his features a lot more. to the point where these thoughts around him made me feel so extremely uncomfortable. i’ve done all my research trying to figure out if I love him or not and trying to find reassurance and other people stories to see if they feel the same way I would also see how I feel whenever I was around him and it got to a point where I overall just felt very disconnected with him and a lot of different forms. I sometimes will forget about these thoughts and I will go out through my week throughout my days and I won’t even think about them and then something good will happen actually and it will trigger that immediate thought or sometimes we’re not even doing anything we’re just hanging out and being together and that will trigger the thought of wanting to break up with him and it makes me extremely uncomfortable and it makes me panic gives me anxiety and it just stresses me out because I know it’s not true, but my brain has tried to fully convince myself it is. I was doing really good and I figured out how healthy I wanted this relationship to be recently and because we’ve been so stressed on talking about our relationship and moving on even further and growing together, it started coming back and now I’m very very anxious again. I also have this type of anxiety of obsessing over things such as my health. When it comes to my gut health to my skin I have a very bad habit of having perfectionism not only within, my body face and everything around what is myself. I have a lot of anxieties, and I always thought it was just very severe anxiety until when I was researching why I was doubting my love for my boyfriend I heard of ROCD and I was super curious to know if I even have OCD, I brought it up with my psychiatrist and she doesn’t think that I have any. I have so much anxiety over this I feel like it’s physically and mentally controlling my body from how much it’s overwhelming me. I don’t know what to do. I keep convincing myself it’s not even RCOD and maybe I truly don’t love him but I have no other proof or feelings that that could be true. It’s just a thought that circles in my head and no matter how many reassurance I give myself it will come back within an hour, if someone could please give some advice I will have my own therapy session here soon and I’m very excited to know how I can overcome this

Username: aleigha

Date posted: 42w ago

Is this rocd?

I had an argument with my boyfriend 3 months ago, I posted a picture and people were commenting on it and one of the comments was a guy that flirted with me that I completely forgot about. I felt guilty for so long, my inner mind was calling me a cheater and that I’m not worth it. It progressed onto me thinking “do I love him?” And “should I break up with him?”, I cried over the fact that I started to lose myself and being so scared to lose him over my thoughts. I seek for reasurance from online sources (like Reddit), my friends and my mother because I want to believe that it’s just my head that is telling me things and not my actual feelings. My mind keeps on telling me things that I don’t want to hear, I lost feelings that I didn’t want to lose, I lost happiness and comfort and love that I didn’t want to lose but it’s all in my head? I do love him but I don’t feel anything anymore? It’s all confusing. I miss missing him, it makes me feel so bad that I don’t feel the way that I used to anymore. bearing in mind that this is my first healthiest relationship I’ve been in. He’s treated me better than my exes that treated me so poorly. Could this be Depression and anxiety / ROCD? If so does it get better?

Relationship OCD

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Can anyone relate to having intrusive thoughts about a healthy relationship?

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