Working and trying to make things "correct"

Hi, I've been having a huge problem lately with some work at school. For context, I am a technical lead and lighting designer for my school's show but recently I've taken on being lead to all production and stage roles. The problem I am starting to find with my work ethic is definitely going to the extreme to make things correct. I will work multiple nights and do extra work, other people's roles, just because I need something to be correct. I have been doing so and it's been hurting my health. I am unsure how to fix this since I need to work to feel satisfied and at ease most of the time.

Perfectionism OCD

RebeccaG

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

I can definitely relate to this. I think the exposure response therapy part would encourage you to embrace the imperfection, even PURPOSEFULLY “mess” somethings up. And then DON’T fix it. And if you’re not ready for that part, just imagine yourself “messing” something up or letting other people make mistakes. Let your anxiety rise and rise and keep doing this over and over again. You don’t have to actually fail an assignment or whatever, but find something your OCD screams at you about and then… mess it up. On purpose. This helps your brain learn that even though you feel the anxiety, you’ll still be okay if you ignore it. For me, this looks like rearranging the things in my bathroom “wrong” or not caring that people are following the “right” way to do something. For you it might be letting go of other people’s responsibilities and letting something “suck” or whatever root fear your OCD is feeding on. Another thing my therapist helped me with was to get to the root of my OCD fears. We started out picking a topic that I was really struggling with. Then she asked me, “what would it mean about me if I made a mistake/if I wasn’t able to do something the best way possible? If I was a failure, etc.” I answered her, and then she asked “okay, so what would it mean if THAT was true? What would be the worst possible part of that and why?” We continued this until I got to the deepest most vulnerable part of myself that could really say what my OCD was trying to “protect” me from. (For me it was rooted in fearing that I wouldn’t be a worthwhile person and should probably kill myself because I was so worthless. It sounds strange to write that, but honestly, that was the deepest fear for me.) i’d encourage you to take some time and see if you can find out what’s driving your behaviors (and look below the first couple of layers). Doing that exercise helped me to have a bit more compassion for myself/to see “oh, crap, no wonder I work so hard to avoid failure. Because if I fail … then that means ____ (whatever terrible thing I believe).” Idk if that makes sense, but it was helpful for me. Something not ERP based, but that does help me sometimes when I get stuck is to remind myself, “done is better than perfect.” I understand the struggle to want everything to be “just right” … and i don’t always ignore the obsessions and compulsions, but I promise you, we CAN beat this, one purposeful “mistake” at a time! 🫶🏻

RebeccaG

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

Another thing! I learned that OCD is really just a big bully, because anytime I give into its urges, it gains more power over me. Doing whatever I feel I need to in order to “feel better” is actually only a reallllly short lived fix, and it’s only a matter of time before there’s something else I’m not doing correctly or “enough.” It might be hard to believe/accept, but you ARE worth something apart from your work/performance. I hope you can find that and begin to believe it for yourself soon (if you don’t already). Also, therapy!!! If at all possible, try to find a therapist (my therapist Thelma is really awesome and helps me a lot with this type of OCD).

RebeccaG

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@Rebecca🙃 Thelma Rivera*

Cara H.

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 18w

Work related OCD

Does anyone have OCD regarding always feeling like you are not good enough at your job? I'm 58 years old now I've had OCD since childhood. Every job I've been at I never felt as good as my colleagues. I am a nurse but I worked at that for 15 years I had a breakdown of sorts in 2017 and went on disability. I now work part time as a a swim instructor for kids. I always was afraid of killing someone when I was a nurse. Then I tried dog grooming but I was afraid I would do it wrong and hurt the dogs. At least now the stakes are lower. But my OCD is the same. I work with colleagues who are about 40 years younger than I am . I am afraid of teaching certain classes bc I feel like I wouldn't do as good a job as someone else. I know I can do it but it's like I have a fear of not giving them their money's worth. I've been at my current job for 2 years . I've gotten very positive comments from my managers but I can't seem to believe them. I feel a lot of shame bc I lost a lot of my life to OCD and I am at an age where people are starting to retire after long and successful careers and here I am working at an entry level job. I'm planning on trying to get out of my comfort zone and teaching some of the classes I'm afraid of .it's really hard. I'm always scared what if I lose my benefits and had to work again as a nurse how would I do it.

flowerpetals

Date posted: 13w

perfectionism ocd?

i’ve unfortunately fallen into the cycle of trying to figure out my thoughts and find answers as to why i feel so distressed. this still pertains to the situation regarding changing my room for those reading who have seen my multiple posts over the last few days. i’ve been so distressed and in so much panic about it. i’m also panicking over my other room looking so different from when i left it. it’s been making me feel crazy because to me there’s no reason for my anxiety to latch so hard onto something that seems so minuscule. i was thinking i was having anxiety over change, but it’s like symptoms of ocd too that’s making it really hard for me to let go. SO i started thinking maybe it was perfectionism ocd? i’ve realized over time that i do compulsions to where things have to feel “just right”, but i also do that with any environment i’m in. like it HAS to feel cozy to me and provide me comfort in order for me to feel at ease. and this change is causing me to panic because there’s something wrong that i can’t find an answer to. maybe the different colored carpet? but it’s also more than that it feels like. however, now it’s spreading into other areas of my house where i’ve always been fine in and possibly to just any area i’m in at all. hence why it’s making me feel crazy because there’s no reason for me to be THIS distressed over that as i’ve never really had this problem before. and when i did it would last maybe an hour to a couple of days at most, but this has been going for over 2 weeks with my really bad anxiety being this week. i’m doing a little better, but it’s still hard when i can feel that panic waiting for me to acknowledge and just engulf me in the ocd cycle. i’m also analyzing basically any feeling i have so i just feel off in general and like i’m going insane. i’ve been so hyper focused on how i feel and that will send me spiraling too. multiple themes then start coming in like existential ocd and fear of solipsism. not to mention my harm and contamination ocd that just adds on when i’m this vulnerable. then i worry if no one is real, then no one feels the way i do. or just in general that what if no one feels the way i do. honestly, i think being out of college and in my house with nothing to do is causing me too much time with my thoughts. which is why i’m so distressed about everything that pops into my brain.

hannamartin

Date posted: 11w

Is this OCD?? Perfectionism?

Lately I have been engaging is a very vicious mental cycle of not being as productive as I wanted to at work, worrying my boss with notice and get mad at me or fire me, and then feeling like I have to “figure out” how to “fix myself” and be more productive. I come up with detailed elaborate plans and lists for everything I need to do and fix to be a good person. I have a lot of negative thoughts that are very distressing to me and basically I am a horrible person if I don’t “fix myself” via making these plans. For me, oddly, it’s not about doing the things, it’s about making the list. I do research on how to be more productive and have this need to make the perfect plan that will solve my problems. And then once I make the list I feel better (temporarily, of course). All of the mental energy put into the researching and planning is so draining that it begins to negatively impact my work… and the cycle continues!!! I feel like this is not a “normal” obsession or intrusive thought that people with OCD have, so I guess I am trying to figure out if it could be OCD? This is a very consistent thing I have been experiencing since probably around 8th grade?? So 5+ years now. It’s always the never feeling like I’m good enough and then the compulsory planning until I felt like I had a good enough plan to fix myself. Thanks in advance!! Disclaimer: I have not been diagnosed with OCD but I suspect I have OCD/Pure O or OCPD and many people in my life agree. Obviously this is not my only reason for thinking I have OCD lol

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Working and trying to make things "correct"

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