I'm so tired of not being able to just enjoy my relationship without worrying and doubting. I never pictured my love story to look like this and to bring about these emotions. I feel robbed of my experience.
I feel your pain friend. It is ok to be upset and feel down, but inaction is a slow death. We do not pick our feelings they just come, and we cannot control most things that happen to us, but we can take action. Currently, what are you doing for your ROCD recovery? If nothing, I want to help with some ideas!
I have a counselor but she doesn't specialize in ERP.
@Sunshineflowers7 You should start with NOCD it will really help. In the meantime work with some ERP, there are hundreds of youtube videos on ERP but I think Nathan Peterson will help you a lot!!
@Sunshineflowers7 Have you reached out on the NOCD app? It was a total game changer for me. My first therapist (not from NOCD) ended up being mostly an exercise in reassurance for me. I basically told her everything I was worried about, and just by saying it out loud to her, I was reassured. Covid and a move to another state lead me to NOCD. A therapist trained to deal with OCD recognized my “sneaky” reassurance seeking, and we were able to target that behavior and stop it. It changed my life❤️
@VGH I'm not sure it what I experience is ROCD. I have never had a formal diagnosis. I do believe I fit the definition, but also think it's alot of what shaped my mindset to believe love looks and feels like. My expectations for what my relationship would feel like and what my partner would be like, looked different than what I received. I have an amazing bf and my relationship is wonderful but is not what I expected. Can I ask why reassurance is so bad? Why is it bad to feel better and more calm after receiving reassurance?
@Sunshineflowers7 Reassurance is fine if you aren't in the OCD cycle. But if you're having an OCD "sticky thought", the good feeling of reassurance just trains you to keep seeking reassurance every time the thought comes back -- only it gets less effective with repetition, so you can end up wanting endless, constant reassurance and still having the distress.
@Sunshineflowers7 The question I would ask you is does the reassurance work? Are you able to move on or does another nagging question pop into your mind? The problem with reassurance and OCD/anxiety is that you have a thought, feeling, urge or fear (obsession) and this obsession becomes something you must urgently deal with, solve, get rid of etc. Any attempt to alleviate this urge, feeling, thought or fear is a compulsion. When you do a compulsion, ask for reassurance, your anxiety may decrease temporarily, however, the next time the thought pops in your mind that produces anxiety, you will most likely seek to alleviate that anxiety immediately too. You are now caught in the obsession-compulsion loop. It’s a self-reinforcing cycle. There is a lot of good info out there, the IOCDF website has some very informative articles too. I highly recommend reaching out to NOCD, that’s what I did. It’s a free 15 minute call. Good luck!
I feel the same way. Intrusive thoughts continuously.
It’s difficult for sure. The great thing is we can live with OCD and learn to not listen to its doubts and worry. They will come, but using ERP and not engaging, just sitting thought is how we can respond 😊
I feel so bad I overthink abt everything my bf says and does. I think that if he doesn’t say x y z when I want reassurance then he must’ve stopped caring or is tired of me. I know it’s not the truth and he gives me NO reason to think this way. This is my first healthy relationship and I want to be in each others lives forever. I love him so much and I’m trying my hardest to manage these thoughts but I’m so anxious. It’s so draining I feel helpless and like I can’t go a day without checking his social medias. I want us to be the best versions of ourselves for eachother but idk where to start or how to manage this feeling.
I just saw my boyfriend, and even though everything was okay on the outside, inside my mind it was a storm. I kept having thoughts like: “You don’t like him.” “You’re not feeling anything.” “You’re pretending.” “You don’t care.” And then, he said something sweet — something that should’ve made me feel happy: “We should marry.” And instead of warmth, I felt anxiety. A pit in my stomach. A voice in my head saying: “You don’t want that.” “You’ll never stay with him.” “If you really loved him, you’d feel joy.” And I hate it. I hate that I’m in this state. I don’t feel connected. I don’t feel clarity. I don’t even know what I feel anymore. I just feel… numb. And the worst part? It feels like I don’t even care. But I know I do. Somewhere, beneath all the noise and panic and obsessive thoughts, I care. I want to feel close to him. I want to stop second-guessing every word, every touch, every thought. This is ROCD. It makes me question everything. It makes me feel like I’m lying — even when I’m not. It steals the moments that should feel warm and turns them into confusion. If anyone else feels this awful mix of numbness, fear, and guilt — please tell me I’m not alone.
Hi everyone, I don’t really know how to put this into words, but I’ll try. I’ve been struggling with what I believe is ROCD for over a year and a half. I’ve been in a relationship for two years, and for a long time now, I feel like I’ve been stuck in a mental fog or trance — a constant state of doubt, guilt, anxiety, and emotional numbness. I can’t tell what I feel anymore. Sometimes I think: “Maybe I never loved him. Maybe I’m just staying out of habit, or because I’m in denial.” Other times I feel devastated and overwhelmed because all I really want is to feel love, safety, and peace again with him. I want to stop overthinking. I want to stop questioning if I’m lying to myself or if I’m hurting him by staying. My family (especially my mom and dad) and even my therapist have told me things that increased my doubts — that I’m only lying to myself, that I’m not really in love, that I’ve been unhappy since the beginning and I should just end it so I don’t hurt him anymore. My mom keeps saying “it’s not too late to walk away.” But it doesn’t feel that simple for me. When he tells me how much pain he’s in, sometimes I feel… nothing. And then I hate myself for not feeling guilt or sadness in that moment. I wonder: “If I really cared, wouldn’t I feel something?” But I also feel like I’ve become emotionally numb — like my mind and body are shutting down to protect me from constant fear and inner conflict. What makes it even harder is that we’re supposed to take a trip together soon for my 18th birthday. And instead of feeling excited, I’m terrified that I’ll feel numb, anxious, and distant even on that day. That I’ll ruin it. That I won’t be able to enjoy anything. And then I feel even more broken for being scared of my own birthday. I’m so afraid that I’m living based on a false “should.” That I’m staying because I should stay. But when I think about leaving, I panic too. Nothing feels right. Nothing brings relief. I just want clarity. Peace. And to know that I’m not alone or broken. If anyone here has felt like this — please let me know. It would mean everything right now. Thank you for reading.
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