rooty tooty

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

Honestly

I just dont trust myself enough to make a decision on my relationship. Today i did ERP and i couldnt stop hyperfocusing on his looks and how hes not my type. But it doesnt feel like enough to leave. But staying it affects me so much I feel like fleabag in that scene where she says i want someone to tell me what to eat what to wear what to think. I dont trust myself to know the difference between a normal level of being bothered by someone or not. And i hate myself. I wish i didnt have to do any work to be a normal person

Relationship OCD

Alex0729

Date posted: 2y

I just want you to know you're not alone, I don't have a type and i know im obsessed with my Fiancé but sometimes the attractions isn't there or it gets drowned out by the guilt of finding other people attractive. Hang on in there, this too shall pass.

ocdstinks

Date posted: 2y

@Alex0729 Do you have any advice for how you’ve handled this so far?

Alex0729

Date posted: 2y

@ocdstinks Personally for a while I didn't know i had ROCD so i was literally giving into every compulsion confessing everything from irrelevant things all the way to very serious repugnant things. Among those I confessed that I wasn't feeling attraction. You can imagine how that went. Needless to say that isn't something you want to hear from the person you are going to marry. Regardless my fiancé is still by my side and everytime I confessed something she would that she knows who i truly am and my values and that's all that matters. Eventually once I learned what ROCD was and that i had it I realized that confessing only did one thing. Hurt my partner and delay my OCD recovery. Never did my fear of losing her or being a monster come true. OCD is such a good liar tho that it'll convince you of it. I also realized that OCD wants you to think that confessing is the selfless thing to do when in reality its not. Its selfish because we confess in order to get that relief/reassurance and the ones stuck with the hurt are those who we say we love. Finally if none of that is enough i have also told myself that if I don't resist confessing for any of these other things my last resort is to it for my recovery. I know that confessing will only delay my recovery and I don't want to give a single inch in thid battle. So i use maybe, maybe not statements and i say. Maybe i do, maybe I don't find her attractive. Regardless im no going to do or say anything about it because that's what my ocd wants and it sure as hell isn't gonna win this fight. See yourself as the hero, the protector of your partner. When you realize that your the good guy fighting this condition it becomes slightly easier.

ocdstinks

Date posted: 2y

@Alex0729 Thank you so much for sharing. I’ve been really struggling with confessing things that would be hurtful, because I feel it is the right thing to do. When I talk to my therapist they say that I shouldn’t (nothing actionable was done, just thoughts). I feel so guilty, and just want to confess but I’m afraid it might push my partner to the edge. Thank you for your advice, I’m hoping that it can get through my OCD and help me see logic.

Alex0729

Date posted: 2y

@ocdstinks Its not easy i know, but that feeling of urgency does dissipate. The thought or memory doesn't get erased but you stop having an irrational response to it. Also educating your partner on ROCD or OCD in general helps alot. Watch videos about it together. I've showed my fiancé some of the posts from people here on NOCD and it helps her see that this is real and that it's not personal.

ocdstinks

Date posted: 2y

@Alex0729 I’ve been confessing for three years but each time the anxiety gets worse. I’m glad your fiancé understands. I hope to one day get to the point where I stop confessing hurtful but not important things

Alex0729

Date posted: 2y

@ocdstinks Of course it'll get worse, remember that confessing only restarts and strengthens the ocd cycle.

rooty tooty

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@Alex0729 You both are inspiring. Thanks so much for offering your insight we can get better

Dorbzeldge

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

Never watched Fleabag, but damn, I too want someone to tell me what to eat, what to wear, what to think. Or at least that's what I think I want. I guess you could argue that if I really wanted that I would have joined a cult. But anyway, yeah, having to make important choices for myself always feels awful and impossible. I sympathize. If it's any help, you could remember that most people make at least a few terrible life choices, so if you do choose wrong, you'll have plenty of company. -_-

rooty tooty

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@Dorbzeldge Loll this is honestly true. Sometimes I think my ROCD intersects with moral OCD where I feel like if I make the wrong choice, I’ll be punished (by something other than the consequences of my choices). Like someone well say well you should have done Y and Id think of course, why would they think I wanted to be anything less than perfect? Just something to overcome, I guess Fleabag is a great comfort show. It starts off dry but i really recommend it!

Dorbzeldge

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@rooty tooty I'll look into it. I relate to the Relationship OCD / Moral OCD crossover for sure. Just today I was having this elaborate fantasy about being an old man and talking to my imaginary teenage grandson about relationships, and I was imagining the kid really judging me heavily for my choices. And I was taking it seriously! (That smug kid. Thinks he knows everything. He should keep his attitude to himself.)

Hope309

Date posted: 24w

Spiraling ROCD

I think I’ve officially lost it today. I have completely convinced myself that I’m not actually in love with my partner. That I’m only with him for comfort. I struggle with trying to “feel” love. In past relationships where I’m sure I didn’t actually love them I idolized a version of them, it was an intense all consuming passion. With my boyfriend now it’s not like that and I think my obsession is also keeping it away. I met him on a blind date. It wasn’t until our 3rd date and first kiss did I feel something and even during the dating I was obsessing if he was going to be good to me or not. At not one point during our relationship was I ever at peace or simply enjoying it. I feel something guilty about this. He has flaws and I amplified them as proof we are not right for each other. I hyper fixate on feeling of past relationships and if I feel for him those feelings. He is a wonderful person who doesn’t deserve this, I’m scared of working on myself too because what if I get better and then “yep I still feel the same” then I’d have to leave him and that also sucks. My hurt on leaving him is the only thing keeping me tethered honestly because the thought of him being out there in the world and I not being able to talk with him kills me. I don’t know what love is anymore or what I’m supposed to feel. I’m so ashamed of myself, I’m crying in the bathroom stall at work feeling like I need to break up with him because it’s the right thing to do.

Amandarem2003

Date posted: 23w

Please help (is this ROCD)

For the past week, I’ve been feeling pretty good about my relationship. I wanted to be closer to them and I felt really affectionate. I had no issue talking to them all day. Sure there were some slip ups here and there, but for the most part, I would go back to feeling better but around last night I started getting these numb feelings again, and I didn’t think much of it because I knew it wasn’t going to last however, these feelings have now bled into today now I feel disgusted at the thought of doing anything with them, which is strange because just two days ago I wanted to be all over them I was almost obsessed with them now I feel off putt by any flirting or anything of the sort and it’s making me sad because I really miss feeling OK again. We have a date in a couple of days and I worry that I won’t be emotionally present and I will be disgusted by their presence and I will want to break up with them which I don’t really want my ERP therapist appointment is the day before our date so I’m hoping maybe it will help but I am worried that I’ll feel disgusted by their presence and I won’t feel anything if we hold hands or even kiss they’re such a sweet and kind person and I don’t wanna lose them, but I fear that my feelings being inconsistent will be an issue. I just wanna feel OK again and not have to worry about whether or not, I’m going to like them any given day. I don’t know what to do. I feel sick to my stomach. I don’t know what changed or caused me to feel this way. It makes me wanna run, I think what triggered this is because I saw somebody that I thought was attractive and started having intrusive Thoughts. And now I feel disgusted by their presence I don’t want to feel disgusted by their presence because I was feeling so good the other day and I wanted to be around them and now I don’t and it’s very concerning and I don’t wanna feel like this. I’m scared. I’m going to feel like this our date is in Four days and I worry I’m going to feel like this still in four days and I’m going to not be in the right headspace to go on this date with them. I don’t wanna cancel it because we don’t get to see each other that often, but I worry that I will not be happy on our date and I will want to run away and break up with them. I know relationships are a choice but what if I’m leading them on and I’m staying with them because I feel bad I’m just worried that I’ll never feel for them again. Please help me.

Firefly girl

Date posted: 23w

Rocd and Soocd

Every morning I wake up im always fixating on something and texting chat gpt, whether thats my relationship or my sexuality. I try so hard to resist it but I just can’t handle the uncertainty or the idea of hurting him or leading him on. We aren’t even official because in the past my rocd caused an issue between us where it led to him breaking up with me so now I have a fear of his intentions being ingenuine, especially because friends and family have called him a love bomber, saying he used me for attention, and narcissistic. This takes over me because I feel like I will never be able to be happy with him or trust myself or the relationship because of what other people say. I am very content on my own and single, this is the first relationship where i have experienced debilitating anxiety and doubt about the legitimacy of both of our feelings to the point where I cannot function. I’m trying so hard to not feed into it and not give it energy but I just hate the idea of leading him on or being inauthentic to what I truly want. My current therapist who I only see a couple times a month doesn’t think I have ocd, which makes me spiral and think I should end it with him, especially because I always hear things like “The right relationship will add to your life” and I feel the opposite is happening not directly because of him but because my brain takes over and paralyzes me with indecision about if i should be with him or not. I know that his intentions are genuine, but I hate that everyone is so cynical and assumes they’re not just because my rocd and his emotional baggage created a messy situation. From the moment i met him I convinced myself it was too good to be true and my therapist even said I was self-sabatoging. But i hate not knowing if it is rocd and my insurance doesn’t cover NOCD. He is so patient with me and supportive but I keep hearing things like “the honeymoon stage is supposed to last 3 months” and “it shouldn’t be this hard with the right person” “you’re not good for each other” and my friends tell me i didnt do anything wrong etc bc he did at first say my ocd didnt affect him when in reality that led to him ending it initially. But he has been more upfront with his emotions but then my mom and people will say “more to come” “there’s so much more out there” and its just so isolating not having that support and wondering if im too young to settle and if I’m just an idiot convincing myself I have rocd when really i just don’t want to be with him/it is a toxic relationship. When in reality the only reason it is toxic is because i am so sporadic about whether or not I want him in my life because of my distrust in myself and my decisions. I love him but I know love isn’t always enough and I get existential fixating on what’s “meant to be” and what’s “supposed to happen” its like this debilitating urge to control everything and make everything go perfectly how it is supposed to go. Please help i just want to make the right decision and stop paralyzing myself with doubt

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