Rocd without being in a relationship? Some advice?

I am having a really hard time.. So this guy and i were in a situationship or whatever the past year cause i was scared and never did a relationship and now we barely talk cause i dont why and how we seem to be just idk i have been very emotional just knowing that this may have ended for good and i am just hurting cause i want it to work but it cant be just me ig and i come across videos and things that make me think He just cant be that good thing in my life in the future and this was just supposed to be this? And even me? Cause we never added to eachother and relationships are about that? We just were fooling around so we cant correct it and has to be someone else who we grow with cause we cant with one another? Cant try because of already how we were? Go back to old ways ? Never come out of that shall? Be done with what we had and never more than that? Anything? Didn’t happen so cant happen ? Not even once can we try? And with where we stand today and barely talk all the more reasons it wont and it will be with other people cause we could never in the past we still never will be able to and we never looked beyond it ir stopped ourselves and thought we may cross boundaries and that we can never do it again even if one chance? If i know all this and all this makes sense then why do i want it to happen or hope it can be otherwise or want another chance to make it work from god? It just may never with all the past stuff all that has happened and all that is happening whats the point? But still not even one chance to see if we could make it work? Ever? A lot of people have had such situations i am no special and mine is nothing major so why make such a big deal in my head about it? We Never were that emotional support to eachother cause i was scared to fall and i did and now we are here so cant be that or expect and he wasnt too so maybe i also shouldn’t or wanting the wrong cause has to be two sided cant be one and somethings get over before we are ready to part ways with them maybe this is that and i need to be okay and accept that and was meant to be like this and me hoping for something more will just hurt me everything i read and saw on situationships and even where i stand which is no where seems to be this exact thing only that they dont work and one person hurts and that they cant have that second chance ever cause if it was meant to work it would have and if he wanted to he would have and if he didnt means he doesn’t and logically all that is true with where i stand and emotionally thinking isnt going to get me anywhere when this is the reality clearly so why do i even hurt and hope but ig anyone would in a situation like this i can ask if its ocd but this can be completely normal and just because I don’t want to accept it i put it under the ocd carpet or formulate those sentences like that. Also yes i may think a lot and it may not be that big of deal but then the reality is he could have communicated and he chose not to and he could have talked and not been so distant and that the barely talking or communicating is something that everyone sees as bad in whatever relationship and if we have that then it means its done and over for good and i can keep feeding myself whatever bull shit it is that oh we may work but this is the reality and i cant make excuses for this someone else in my place would have also not and any relationship coach if heard this would say yes he doesn’t care and you will hurt yourself even hoping so leave which is true right? And maybe it’s supposed to be like this and end like this and god sent me him to teach me some lesson no matter how hard id want it the other way maybe it just cant not now not in the future cause in past it didn’t and we messed it up and cant be given a chance or somethings just dont deserve it? Not even once? Maybe i was just another rebound for him and i need to accept that and even if i wasnt that not i may never was or will be that imp enough to be someone to hold onto and i know there can be others who treat you differently and yes somewhere i will not understand that because i feel like this in this moment but seriously can we never even once work? Are we that doomed? Maybe we are? Maybe his past relationships were way more stronger truly than we ever could be or someone else he meets will be better of course and yes that is very true and possible but clearly we couldn’t right? If someone is going through something similar can you pls help..even if not ocd i could just use some advice ig.. pls

Relationship OCD

Firefly girl

Date posted: 22w

Rocd and Soocd

Every morning I wake up im always fixating on something and texting chat gpt, whether thats my relationship or my sexuality. I try so hard to resist it but I just can’t handle the uncertainty or the idea of hurting him or leading him on. We aren’t even official because in the past my rocd caused an issue between us where it led to him breaking up with me so now I have a fear of his intentions being ingenuine, especially because friends and family have called him a love bomber, saying he used me for attention, and narcissistic. This takes over me because I feel like I will never be able to be happy with him or trust myself or the relationship because of what other people say. I am very content on my own and single, this is the first relationship where i have experienced debilitating anxiety and doubt about the legitimacy of both of our feelings to the point where I cannot function. I’m trying so hard to not feed into it and not give it energy but I just hate the idea of leading him on or being inauthentic to what I truly want. My current therapist who I only see a couple times a month doesn’t think I have ocd, which makes me spiral and think I should end it with him, especially because I always hear things like “The right relationship will add to your life” and I feel the opposite is happening not directly because of him but because my brain takes over and paralyzes me with indecision about if i should be with him or not. I know that his intentions are genuine, but I hate that everyone is so cynical and assumes they’re not just because my rocd and his emotional baggage created a messy situation. From the moment i met him I convinced myself it was too good to be true and my therapist even said I was self-sabatoging. But i hate not knowing if it is rocd and my insurance doesn’t cover NOCD. He is so patient with me and supportive but I keep hearing things like “the honeymoon stage is supposed to last 3 months” and “it shouldn’t be this hard with the right person” “you’re not good for each other” and my friends tell me i didnt do anything wrong etc bc he did at first say my ocd didnt affect him when in reality that led to him ending it initially. But he has been more upfront with his emotions but then my mom and people will say “more to come” “there’s so much more out there” and its just so isolating not having that support and wondering if im too young to settle and if I’m just an idiot convincing myself I have rocd when really i just don’t want to be with him/it is a toxic relationship. When in reality the only reason it is toxic is because i am so sporadic about whether or not I want him in my life because of my distrust in myself and my decisions. I love him but I know love isn’t always enough and I get existential fixating on what’s “meant to be” and what’s “supposed to happen” its like this debilitating urge to control everything and make everything go perfectly how it is supposed to go. Please help i just want to make the right decision and stop paralyzing myself with doubt

bmaria

Date posted: 18w

Help rocd or is he wrong for me

He kissed a girl while we were unofficial but a day after he said I love you . I felt we were exclusive based off of things. He acted out of unofficial vs official. Thought because we were single it was ok and if he knew it would have hurt me he wouldn’t have did it he said it was silly meaningless kiss and he wanted nothing with this person. I know he’s telling the truth because he would have lied to me about it but he didn’t . Unfortunately I found out 7 months into the relationship plus he has “no type” and is attracted to women I never ever thought he would be and I think it’s really disgusting . Even in my last relationship I felt this way. So before enter ing this one I told myself no cheating or ones that like these women and here I am …. He didn’t “cheat” but it feels like it. I have been spinning and crying and anxious for over a year now. After I found out I would rotate between that , the women and a transparency thing for a whole year every single day. Asking friends for advice , talking to him , crying , texting all day, even googling . Now I started chat gpt for advice. Whenever I hear it’s ocd I feel relieved but don’t believe it and when I hear it’s wrong relationship I cry uncontrollably and don’t want to believe that either I left him 2 months ago but I’m still in the same position because I love him so much I know he’s a great guy , he tried so hard to make me feel comfortable and he loved me so much but I couldn’t stop spinning . I want to get ba k with him but just picture anxiety forever and questioning am I in love , am I settling , am I forcing this , is this ocd or wrong relationship , could I be happier elsewhere , I can’t see him without feeling anxiety or seeing the kiss but then i can’t picture myself ever loving someone again like him . Our love and connection was so strong . I feel in another relationship as soon as something happens I’m going to want to leave and truly regret leaving my ex . What do I do. I’m starting erp but it’s so confusing to me and I feel like it won’t help and I’m going to be stuck like this forever. I hate waking up everyday because I’m so sad and miserable. Please help me (edited)

Gmoki

Date posted: 17w

I need advice :( vent post/does anyone relate?

First off - I’m sorry, I post here a lot. My thoughts are going to be scattered because I have the adhd/ocd/executive dysfunction wombo combo. Im so embarrassed I am THIS neurodivergent. I swear my brain couldn’t pick one struggle and settle with it. I’m not making these diagnoses quirky personality traits by any means, in fact, in this post im venting about how exhausting and embarassed I am living with a brain like this on the daily. I need to hear someone’s advice please. I love hearing everyone’s advice on posts because it’s so useful, and brings me back down to reality. Everyone on here gives advice so tastefully in a way where it doesn’t feed into the self reassurance compulsion, but it’s also been thorough and constructive enough where it’s reminded me to ground myself in a healthy way. I love seeing others helping others, it soothes me. This community has been so kind, and I’m so happy I found it. I wish I could ask more, but I have so many questions I think it’d drive everyone here crazy lol. I am doing erp therapy now, and it’s been teaching me so many amazing techniques. I’ve been making progress. However, I sometimes have my moments of vunerablity. I’ve been experiencing this especially now more than ever because I am going through a breakup. He did it through text after nearly 9 months together. I’d do anything for him and love him through anything, and he broke my heart when I least expected it. I’d make his bed for him multiple times, but I haven’t done that for myself in years. I’d sit with him for hours to watch and do anything he likes, but he’d never do the same and I’d never do the same for me. I’m also at fault because I was too scared to speak up so I let a lot of disrespect slide. Why did my ocd do that? Why does ocd make me people please even when I don’t want to? Why does OCD make me care so much about things that will never effect me (like wanting validation from a random person on the street and hoping they’ll think I’m pretty enough to look at), but then when it comes to my future or positive wellbeing (like focusing on college/doing well in classes/personal hygiene/health), forces me to not care/neglect myself and those needs? I don’t understand it. Ocd makes me think everything’s a setup or a trap. I can never believe that I am fine right where I want to be. Why am I so hard on myself? Why do I even think this much? I care and feel so deeply but it becomes unhealthy so fast because ocd makes me fixate and I stay there for a while. For some reason I let this breakup define my self worth. I let it topple into the ocd fear that I will never make it in life - that I won’t be successful, I’ll never get the career I want, the love I want, or the life I want. My OCD’s version of “logic” isn’t even logical. Yes, I understand how the breakup means feelings of low self worth which will then topple into feeling bad about other things. But why has my brain been wired to think this way? Why does it seem so easy for everyone else to function normally with life but not me? Honestly this is the first time in my life where I’m dedicated to focusing on myself and learning more about myself instead of others in my life and it’s a very odd and bizarre feeling. I’m excited of course, but I’m also scared. My ocd makes me ruminate like “what if I will never make the most of this life I’ve been given”, “what if I truly have no worth and the most I will ever be in other people’s lives is a background character”, “why do I care if I’m a background character or not? I should feel guilty and ignorant for assuming everyone will automatically like me”, “are people lying to me when they call me pretty, smart or kind?”, “I need to look and sound perfect in both pictures, videos and in real life. I will never be satisfied for accepting who I am now”, and a bunch of other annoying questions. But sometimes it’s like I just can’t take the reality for what it is but at the same time, but I also acknowledge that I know this is ocd talking. This is so, so difficult. Do I make any sense with what I’m saying? Can anyone help?

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